I am happy to report that all is well in Edinburgh this Christmas, we have had the normal Christmas that we dream of. We went to Ireland just ahead of Christmas for a few days and had a really nice time with my mum and brothers and sister. On sunday morning a lot of us plus multiple dogs walked for an hour along the costal path in Bangor had a nice breakfast in the Cafe and walked all the way back, kids throwing sticks, dogs swimming in the sea and gentle chatting - I even ran in to my teenage best friend Greg Donegan as we walked, he too was visiting his mum with his family for that weekend. I said to Lee that this was a Lou Reed day the moments you capture in your mind to sustain you through trouble in future. We were all happy and all well and none of the immediate family were unwell (though Lees dad had died earlier in the year and my uncle Harry has had a tough time recently, but is now on the mend). Unfortunatly we all got the flu in Ireland and so have had to take turns to nurse each other through Christmas and walking the dog Hercules but that has been fine.
So wonderful relaxing and unseasonably warm and still days have passed in a happy blur, long lists of things we should have done with the holiday lie undone as we actually chill out and enjoy the season. Over the next days we will try to get some clearing out done, go to Lees mum in Aberdeen and visit friends Avril and Duncan in Inverness before returning to Edinburgh in time for a nice new year party with a good bunch of friends. I may even get the chance to take the Aston for a long drive by myself up to Inverness via most of Scotland on my own, I am sure I can find a way along the coast the wrong way round for 10 hours or so!
So to those of you who stumble on this blog as part of your adventure into the world of cancer have hope, and value every moment, I have no idea how long my luck will last, but I know now how lucky I am since my illness, and I am happy with "the whole package" as a good friend of mine put it. We are even starting to make plans into the future, our holiday in Jordan was a great success and gave the kids a great sense of history, plans for the summer are for a safari in Tanzania, as the Bedouin taught us "ishna Allah" or god willing, or fate willing. For Lee it will be her first time back in Africa since just before we met (she worked in Kenya)
I know that it is random luck that I am still here to write this, and that many good people who faced the same challenge with courage, wit and humour much greater than mine are not here so I am a little awesome at being, so far, a survior, but thats the way it works, not on merit, not on courage, not on ability, not on worth but on luck. The cruelty of that is a lasting reinforcement of my personal non belief in a specific person oriented god, reinforced by the tailwagging devotion of our dog, who in that system "does not count" I still strongly believe in some connecting life force which draws us to the good even in bad situations, but believe less and less in the formulae of conventional religion founding in unaltered teachings of a bygone age. However faith is without doubt a great support to those who are lucky enough to have it so I do not disrespect its value to very many in troubled times, and the well intentioned and beliving people of these communities do really great and honourable things to help others, but sometimes you believe, and sometimes you do not, personally, without disrespect of those that do.
So its late on boxing day, kids are asleep, Lee is reading her book and all is well in the world. My best wishes to you and those you love, sleep well, safe and healthy now and in the coming year. If adversity comes your way I wish you courage to endure what must be endured and the strenght to overcome what can be overcome.
Happy New Year to you all
Gerry
Friday, December 26, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
No Elysian Fields for me - not yet at least,... not yet!
I borrowed the title from Gladiator as I had been waiting for results with Lees mum and we had a nice evening watching the film. I liked the ending where Maximus' friend says he will join him in Elysia but not yet. Well the same is true for me thankfully, my tonsils have been extracted and they have been checked and found to be free of cancer, better than that they did find a deep seated infection which would have accounted for the hot spot on the scan and the nearby lymph nodes, bottom line I now have a firm one year all clear.
About time I had a break....
We did find this one a bit difficult mentally becasue it was very similiar to the situation that the girl in "Journey to Babeland" found herself but sadly it did not work out for her so that knocked my confidence. Then I saw the actual PET scan report at the ENT doctors and it was a bit firmer than Dr Scott saying that the lymph and tonsil signals "could be signs of reemerging disease", these lymph nodes were just above the last ones which had HD so all in all it was a worrying set of curcumstances. I tried to put it to the back of my mind but its very hard not to think "will it get me this time" specially as I know conventional treatment is now pretty much exhausted so if it comes back there is not much they can do. But it dident ! Just wanted to get that lot off my chest in case it helps others.
So life is back to normal, I have a very sore throat but hey I prefer that option, Lee is in Brazil at a series of conferences which are pretty big shows for her. I am recovering, working a bit and doing Dad stuff like getting ready for Hollys birthday party next weekend and the normal flow of domestic kids support and taxi service. In between I have had the chance to catch up with some old friends and next week I will be back at work full time.
So all is well here, the days are begining to feel more normal and to flow into each other as they did before this adventure. Life is good, I am lucky to be here and know that.
I will put something in around Christmas just so any of you who pick up the story, specially those of you on a similiar journey know how things have gone.
Cheers
Gerry
About time I had a break....
We did find this one a bit difficult mentally becasue it was very similiar to the situation that the girl in "Journey to Babeland" found herself but sadly it did not work out for her so that knocked my confidence. Then I saw the actual PET scan report at the ENT doctors and it was a bit firmer than Dr Scott saying that the lymph and tonsil signals "could be signs of reemerging disease", these lymph nodes were just above the last ones which had HD so all in all it was a worrying set of curcumstances. I tried to put it to the back of my mind but its very hard not to think "will it get me this time" specially as I know conventional treatment is now pretty much exhausted so if it comes back there is not much they can do. But it dident ! Just wanted to get that lot off my chest in case it helps others.
So life is back to normal, I have a very sore throat but hey I prefer that option, Lee is in Brazil at a series of conferences which are pretty big shows for her. I am recovering, working a bit and doing Dad stuff like getting ready for Hollys birthday party next weekend and the normal flow of domestic kids support and taxi service. In between I have had the chance to catch up with some old friends and next week I will be back at work full time.
So all is well here, the days are begining to feel more normal and to flow into each other as they did before this adventure. Life is good, I am lucky to be here and know that.
I will put something in around Christmas just so any of you who pick up the story, specially those of you on a similiar journey know how things have gone.
Cheers
Gerry
Monday, August 18, 2008
All clear but Tonsils coming out
Just a short update to keep the story rolling, I have now had my annual PET scan which was mostly positive. Essentially all the areas which had Hodgkins disease are now showing clear with no uptake which is great news.
However I am showing a bit of uptake on one of my tonsils which is probably due to an infection but could possibily be a residual bit of cancer so I am scheduled for tonsil removal on the 11th of September, once out they will be sliced up and checked for any signs of cancer. Hopefully my luck will hold and I will still have my get out of "jail free card". I will keep you posted in a few weeks. Fingers crossed !
Otherwise all is going well, I am enjoying my new job running a small part of our business in Europe learning the art of sales and marketing for a change. This allows me to work from home occasionally and a reasonably easy occasional commute to Munich. We have expanded the family with a dalmatian puppy called Hercules who is a really nice charchter (so far).
So all is well in the world, it is a battle to stop the worries about the future from preventing the enjoyment of the present, but until someone says otherwise I feel fine and I am having as much fun as possible.
Cheers
Gerry
However I am showing a bit of uptake on one of my tonsils which is probably due to an infection but could possibily be a residual bit of cancer so I am scheduled for tonsil removal on the 11th of September, once out they will be sliced up and checked for any signs of cancer. Hopefully my luck will hold and I will still have my get out of "jail free card". I will keep you posted in a few weeks. Fingers crossed !
Otherwise all is going well, I am enjoying my new job running a small part of our business in Europe learning the art of sales and marketing for a change. This allows me to work from home occasionally and a reasonably easy occasional commute to Munich. We have expanded the family with a dalmatian puppy called Hercules who is a really nice charchter (so far).
So all is well in the world, it is a battle to stop the worries about the future from preventing the enjoyment of the present, but until someone says otherwise I feel fine and I am having as much fun as possible.
Cheers
Gerry
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Easter Update
Just to keep up the news for those of you who pick up the theme and wonder what happened (I used to hate the blogs which just stop) All is well here on the one year mark since my treatment with my health. I have gone back to work, done some stopgap things and have now settled into a really good job which is giving me a good work/life balance and a lot of new things to learn, but still in the same company.
I am fit and well and about to go to see the consultant tomorrow for my regular check up ahead of my one year scan which should happen over the next few months. Life is good and our little family is fine, childeren grow and blossom without any awareness this is happening and yet constant surprise and delight to me. In our own extended family, and that of my good friends, we have some difficult situations with the health of parents, we wish all as well as can be and as strong as can be.
Today I saw the sun rise over the Alps in Italy in a blue sky before flying back to home to chat and curl up on the couch to watch the apprentice with Lee and Poppy ( Holly being tucked in bed with after a sore tummy day)
Tomorrow I have to revisit the scene of my transplant, smell the hospital once again, and hope I have got away - my good intentions of not drinking at all at home, which have been holding up well, are excused tonight as my mind falls back into the isolation ward and the tree outside the window developing its leaves as I struggled from hour to hour and day to day.
My tree is still in leaf, my strength is good and, apart from the eve of my return to the hospital, my mind is focussed on the future and the normal challenges of living. Long may it continue.
Cheers
Gerry
I am fit and well and about to go to see the consultant tomorrow for my regular check up ahead of my one year scan which should happen over the next few months. Life is good and our little family is fine, childeren grow and blossom without any awareness this is happening and yet constant surprise and delight to me. In our own extended family, and that of my good friends, we have some difficult situations with the health of parents, we wish all as well as can be and as strong as can be.
Today I saw the sun rise over the Alps in Italy in a blue sky before flying back to home to chat and curl up on the couch to watch the apprentice with Lee and Poppy ( Holly being tucked in bed with after a sore tummy day)
Tomorrow I have to revisit the scene of my transplant, smell the hospital once again, and hope I have got away - my good intentions of not drinking at all at home, which have been holding up well, are excused tonight as my mind falls back into the isolation ward and the tree outside the window developing its leaves as I struggled from hour to hour and day to day.
My tree is still in leaf, my strength is good and, apart from the eve of my return to the hospital, my mind is focussed on the future and the normal challenges of living. Long may it continue.
Cheers
Gerry
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