Merry Christmas to one and all

I am happy to report that all is well in Edinburgh this Christmas, we have had the normal Christmas that we dream of. We went to Ireland just ahead of Christmas for a few days and had a really nice time with my mum and brothers and sister. On sunday morning a lot of us plus multiple dogs walked for an hour along the costal path in Bangor had a nice breakfast in the Cafe and walked all the way back, kids throwing sticks, dogs swimming in the sea and gentle chatting - I even ran in to my teenage best friend Greg Donegan as we walked, he too was visiting his mum with his family for that weekend. I said to Lee that this was a Lou Reed day the moments you capture in your mind to sustain you through trouble in future. We were all happy and all well and none of the immediate family were unwell (though Lees dad had died earlier in the year and my uncle Harry has had a tough time recently, but is now on the mend). Unfortunatly we all got the flu in Ireland and so have had to take turns to nurse each other through Christmas and walking the dog Hercules but that has been fine.

So wonderful relaxing and unseasonably warm and still days have passed in a happy blur, long lists of things we should have done with the holiday lie undone as we actually chill out and enjoy the season. Over the next days we will try to get some clearing out done, go to Lees mum in Aberdeen and visit friends Avril and Duncan in Inverness before returning to Edinburgh in time for a nice new year party with a good bunch of friends. I may even get the chance to take the Aston for a long drive by myself up to Inverness via most of Scotland on my own, I am sure I can find a way along the coast the wrong way round for 10 hours or so!

So to those of you who stumble on this blog as part of your adventure into the world of cancer have hope, and value every moment, I have no idea how long my luck will last, but I know now how lucky I am since my illness, and I am happy with "the whole package" as a good friend of mine put it. We are even starting to make plans into the future, our holiday in Jordan was a great success and gave the kids a great sense of history, plans for the summer are for a safari in Tanzania, as the Bedouin taught us "ishna Allah" or god willing, or fate willing. For Lee it will be her first time back in Africa since just before we met (she worked in Kenya)

I know that it is random luck that I am still here to write this, and that many good people who faced the same challenge with courage, wit and humour much greater than mine are not here so I am a little awesome at being, so far, a survior, but thats the way it works, not on merit, not on courage, not on ability, not on worth but on luck. The cruelty of that is a lasting reinforcement of my personal non belief in a specific person oriented god, reinforced by the tailwagging devotion of our dog, who in that system "does not count" I still strongly believe in some connecting life force which draws us to the good even in bad situations, but believe less and less in the formulae of conventional religion founding in unaltered teachings of a bygone age. However faith is without doubt a great support to those who are lucky enough to have it so I do not disrespect its value to very many in troubled times, and the well intentioned and beliving people of these communities do really great and honourable things to help others, but sometimes you believe, and sometimes you do not, personally, without disrespect of those that do.

So its late on boxing day, kids are asleep, Lee is reading her book and all is well in the world. My best wishes to you and those you love, sleep well, safe and healthy now and in the coming year. If adversity comes your way I wish you courage to endure what must be endured and the strenght to overcome what can be overcome.

Happy New Year to you all

Gerry

No Elysian Fields for me - not yet at least,... not yet!

I borrowed the title from Gladiator as I had been waiting for results with Lees mum and we had a nice evening watching the film. I liked the ending where Maximus' friend says he will join him in Elysia but not yet. Well the same is true for me thankfully, my tonsils have been extracted and they have been checked and found to be free of cancer, better than that they did find a deep seated infection which would have accounted for the hot spot on the scan and the nearby lymph nodes, bottom line I now have a firm one year all clear.

About time I had a break....

We did find this one a bit difficult mentally becasue it was very similiar to the situation that the girl in "Journey to Babeland" found herself but sadly it did not work out for her so that knocked my confidence. Then I saw the actual PET scan report at the ENT doctors and it was a bit firmer than Dr Scott saying that the lymph and tonsil signals "could be signs of reemerging disease", these lymph nodes were just above the last ones which had HD so all in all it was a worrying set of curcumstances. I tried to put it to the back of my mind but its very hard not to think "will it get me this time" specially as I know conventional treatment is now pretty much exhausted so if it comes back there is not much they can do. But it dident ! Just wanted to get that lot off my chest in case it helps others.

So life is back to normal, I have a very sore throat but hey I prefer that option, Lee is in Brazil at a series of conferences which are pretty big shows for her. I am recovering, working a bit and doing Dad stuff like getting ready for Hollys birthday party next weekend and the normal flow of domestic kids support and taxi service. In between I have had the chance to catch up with some old friends and next week I will be back at work full time.

So all is well here, the days are begining to feel more normal and to flow into each other as they did before this adventure. Life is good, I am lucky to be here and know that.

I will put something in around Christmas just so any of you who pick up the story, specially those of you on a similiar journey know how things have gone.

Cheers

Gerry

All clear but Tonsils coming out

Just a short update to keep the story rolling, I have now had my annual PET scan which was mostly positive. Essentially all the areas which had Hodgkins disease are now showing clear with no uptake which is great news.

However I am showing a bit of uptake on one of my tonsils which is probably due to an infection but could possibily be a residual bit of cancer so I am scheduled for tonsil removal on the 11th of September, once out they will be sliced up and checked for any signs of cancer. Hopefully my luck will hold and I will still have my get out of "jail free card". I will keep you posted in a few weeks. Fingers crossed !

Otherwise all is going well, I am enjoying my new job running a small part of our business in Europe learning the art of sales and marketing for a change. This allows me to work from home occasionally and a reasonably easy occasional commute to Munich. We have expanded the family with a dalmatian puppy called Hercules who is a really nice charchter (so far).

So all is well in the world, it is a battle to stop the worries about the future from preventing the enjoyment of the present, but until someone says otherwise I feel fine and I am having as much fun as possible.

Cheers

Gerry

Easter Update

Just to keep up the news for those of you who pick up the theme and wonder what happened (I used to hate the blogs which just stop) All is well here on the one year mark since my treatment with my health. I have gone back to work, done some stopgap things and have now settled into a really good job which is giving me a good work/life balance and a lot of new things to learn, but still in the same company.

I am fit and well and about to go to see the consultant tomorrow for my regular check up ahead of my one year scan which should happen over the next few months. Life is good and our little family is fine, childeren grow and blossom without any awareness this is happening and yet constant surprise and delight to me. In our own extended family, and that of my good friends, we have some difficult situations with the health of parents, we wish all as well as can be and as strong as can be.

Today I saw the sun rise over the Alps in Italy in a blue sky before flying back to home to chat and curl up on the couch to watch the apprentice with Lee and Poppy ( Holly being tucked in bed with after a sore tummy day)

Tomorrow I have to revisit the scene of my transplant, smell the hospital once again, and hope I have got away - my good intentions of not drinking at all at home, which have been holding up well, are excused tonight as my mind falls back into the isolation ward and the tree outside the window developing its leaves as I struggled from hour to hour and day to day.

My tree is still in leaf, my strength is good and, apart from the eve of my return to the hospital, my mind is focussed on the future and the normal challenges of living. Long may it continue.

Cheers

Gerry

Christmas Update

For those of you who chance on this blog, perhaps because you have yourself started down the Hodgkins journey I thought it would be good to add in the occasional short update. It used to frustrate me when I read blogs from other sufferers which just stopped, but I am not intending to maintain the blog in any serious way so friends and relations will just have to revert to picking up the phone or email in the normal way.

In summary things are going very well, I have returned to work full time and have been consumed in a whirlwind of activity since I started back in August. This fully justified taking the time to get well properly before I returned and this has paid dividends since. I have not suffered any side effects of note and feel just as fit and nearly as energetic as I did in the past. Sometimes I do not have the same stamina as I used to have, but that only means I am a bit more normal and appreciative of others than I was!

Family life is pottering along as usual, Lee is very busy with her company and a promotion in her institute (not to mention tap dancing and wine tasting hobbies). My return to work and constant travelling for work has put a real load on her which we hope will get better if I can get a European based job early next year. Poppy continues to sing and excell at drama while Holly is charging over jumps on her horses both seem contented at school and have good friends so all the other small boundary testing which goes on is easily bearable.

Probably my next big medical milestone will be the scan around March which will check for the possible return of the cancer. I have had the two clear scans already so we have a lot of hope that it will be clear, but some worry occasionally when driving home at night that it might not be, fingers crossed on that one.

We plan an idylic holiday with Christmas at home just with the family and then New Year on a scottish island with some good friends, we all need the rest after this last year and plan to have a very relaxing time by some nice real fires without email or phone connections.

I hope you all are doing well, if you are reading this because you are in treatment take heart and be strong, there are a lot of happy stories out there. Every day the sun comes up and I see it is a blessing.

Cheers

Gerry

The Second end of Gerryscancerdiary

Seems like we have been here before on August 20th 2006 when I rather prematurely announced the first end of gerryscancerdiary, little was I to know that only three months later I would be facing a doctor and "we've got a problem", the problem being as you all now know that the usually successful treatment did not work. That was a real kick in the face, of the type you do not want too many of in any one lifetime, and came with a 40 percent survival tag that I did not like one bit as that moved me from the "probably be all right" team to the "probably will not be all right" team, so some dark days followed.

The dark days were tougher because all I learnt about the treatment was pretty scary. Having already been sick on and off for a year, I thought it was fair and necessary for me to give up my current jobs at Gore, so the teams would not be leaderless for a further year and so I could concentrate all my energy on the treatment. In essence while the first treatment I tackled as an inconvenience, which I could work through and be out of pretty fast, this next treatment was going to take all of my focus and even then was a 50/50 deal. Even if I got out the other side the damage to my body could be considerable and reasonably long lasting.


What a change since then....


In reality colleagues picked up the work at Gore smoothly and have grown and developed as a result, we buckled down mentally in our own ways, Lee used the statistically most successful strategy of denial and distraction with the Monster bike and hike and starting her business. I once again developed an obsessive interest in the treatment I was going to receive and the stories of other bloggers who had been through the same thing, the "full immersion" technique which studies show is the second most promising strategy after denial.


Once I got into the treatment I had researched the side effects and symptoms and coping strategies so well that I had a really "bring it on" head on, somewhat deflated when on the first day there was a problem with the chemo so I was sent home for dinner! Never the less the treatment was pretty ugly, but my experience was very much more positive than many of the others who were in with me, and I got through, partly because I was expecting much worse. I felt so relieved when my transplanted immune system started to work and I could escape home to warm soup and comfort in my "den" upstairs. I nearly broke the record for getting out of hospital and was determined to push myself to get better.

At this stage I could do a lot with food, walking, exercising and resting well to help my body recover and prevent dangerous infections. I was lucky that this worked out well, and I had some good advice and support from the hospital and friends on how hard to push. Fortunately I continued to surprise the doctors in a positive way, and now following a clear scan, which we waited for with some nervousness as you can tell from the post a few days ago. So now all is well, I have negotiated, mostly through good progress on the fitness front, the doctors back from October to the end of August to restart work and am keen to get back to the interesting work and many friends I have in Gore. Until my next scan in a year or so I am free to live life normally for a change, avoiding exotic infections and places with poor hospitals for a year being part of the deal.

We have a week in Ireland still to come before the start back, me to work and Poppy to senior school. I shall miss elements of being at home, specially the way I have become much more integrated into the kids life over the summer, but in all honesty I am happy to hang up my cooks apron, skip the solitary training in the gym, and put away the vacuum cleaner, with few regrets. I will need to work out how to fit some pretty solid exercise routine into my working day, the lunchtime running club may have a new recruit at the plant.

So once again, and hopefully for the last time, I would like to thank all of our friends, family and colleagues who have managed to make our cancer experience a journey of discovery, friendship, warmth, support and even quite a bit of fun at times. I have no idea why I am here and seemingly recovered, while so many are still sick or worse, though luck and chemistry has much more to do with it than attitude or any merit on my part. Those latter things help folk cope, which is really important, but have minimal or no effect on the outcome. Sadly the biggest learning is that sometimes the bullet has your name on it and sometimes it doesn't. Equally I do not know, as you all do not know, how my health will be in future years. All the poisons and chemicals and radiation basically half my life expectancy, but that's just an average, and a lot of folk fully recover. I think I will stack the odds in my favour with exercise etc while still having fun as much as possible in the meantime, just in case.

So as I get out my calender and think about holidays, car shows, weekends away and treats - things which have been out of my mind for a long time, I hope you also check the balance of your own time, sometimes you get a second chance, as I have, but sometimes your time is up, use it wisely.

As the point of this blog was to communicate with family and friends efficiently during my treatment, saving the repetition and phone calls so that a relatively normal life could be lived between treatments, and as the treatment is successful, this should be my last post on the blog while I continue to be healthy. Part of returning to normal life is returning to normal communication channels so I will have to learn to phone and email again one on one. That will be good too.

So hopefully, there it is, the end once again. I thank you all again and I wish you all once again every blessing in the world, and the strength to deal with the adversity that life will throw your way with good humour and perspective.

Cheers

Gerry

Clear Scan

As is obvious from the title the results of the scan have come back clear and I am very much relieved. The primary tumour still has some harmless residual scar tissue as before but the three lymph nodes which developed cancer in the relapse are all back to normal size. So that is essentially the end of my cancer treatment, and it has been successful. From here on in I am on a watch list, with regular annual scans to look for signs of its return or other consequences of the treatment which can develop. As long as these stay clear then I can live a normal life again, starting with my planned return to work on August 23rd. I will post a bit of a longer update, probably my final update on the blog, later, for now I just wanted to get the key news out as I know a few of you were sitting with your fingers crossed for me!

Cheers

Gerry

Elastic Time

Evening Bloggers,

A minor miracle of unpredicted keyboard dexterity not warranted at all this evening (for various reasons). Today is a day of elastic time where everything is defined and colours are vivid and time stretches.......mental photographic moments.

Awaiting results...

Have had good time out recently! Highlight the golden wedding celebs at the weekend at the cottage. S and G Khan 50 years married! Dad had brought out photos of the wedding which the children really enjoyed...cousin/neice Frankie quote " Grandma was really HOT!"

You cannot have too much champagne or too much space. I love space and always wanted to be an astronaut but was worried about travel sickness and the confinements of that space helmet.

Loved camping at the cottage, loved the sound of the rain on the tent and the sunlight in the morning and the sounds of the wood.

I'm off to the roof now to enjoy the full moon over Capomaestro towers! Tim by the way I think the 3 peaks should be the next challenge!
L


Lee and I have been out tonight for dinner, and too many drinks, and are listening to Motzart with the windows on the roof fully open and the moon shining down on us as the beautiful music fills the air. Sarah and Jim have the kids for the evening and we are in limbo waiting on the annoucnement from the medics tomorrow, my friend Neville introduced me to Requiem and to this day I feel it is the most complete musical composition I have ever heard. One time there was a Typhoon in Japan, where I was working, and this was on the car stereo when I stopped and watched the lighting crash into the paddy fields as I could not drive in the downpour. These are moments that define, one way or another, our life.

In the last months I have become reluctant to post much on the blog, as it seems that things will probably be OK, whatever that means, but for sure it is different from short term death, which was the alternative.

This evening, in the spirit of the blog which was to be honest and create a record of my feelings about the situation, I am scared and apprehensive about tomorrow, I hope that Dr Scott will confirm the expected result of an all clear scan, but I am scared about my own strength if that is not the case, which is just as likley as the last time I more confidently and arrogantly faced this situation. Humility is a lesson learned in the fire of reality and I have learnt this lesson.

I hope and feel things will be OK tomorrow, I wish for it to be true or confirmed, but in reality this last year has taught me that the beauty of Motzart is still beautiful, camping in Logie Coldstone where Hollly and Poppy rescued the camp fire from embers can never be bought or sold, every day that we live, and all the people we touch and warm are privilages to be treasured and held close.

Lee has decided that she wants to go to the moon before she dies, and has instructed me to say so in the blog - I think I should pay less attention to the computer and more to her....

Anyway hopefully I will post tomorrow on the result, which the medics are confident about, and then normal life can take over from blogworld, chemo, IV plumbing, hospitals and big scanners, for how long no one knows, but every day of it will be precious, of that you can be sure.

Hence time to stop typing and live

Cheers

Gerry

Loch Rannoch

This week my get fit campaign has taken a step up as the whole family set up camp at Jim and Sarah's lodge at Loch Rannoch. The plan at the moment is to push hard to build up stamina and to challenge my body with small infections to exercise my immune system. This has taken the form of fishing from a boat on the lake for a day, climbing a monroe (3000ft mountian) called Ben Lawers with the kids including the youngest, cycling round the lake (23miles) a couple of times and fishing a river for the day. With all this exercise comes a barrage of insect bites, scratches and fatigue which is testing me pretty well, so far all the damage seems to amount to one sore elbow due to over use of a heavy casting rod and some aching muscles in my legs from the trips round the loch on the bike.

I have also managed to fit in a couple of phone calls to colleagues who I may be working with when I return to Gore in four weeks or so, this all seems pretty positive and interesting so my mind is starting to exercise in that direction as I cycle or fish my way back into rude good health. One of the good developments in this year is that the kids have got to an age where they can climb up the mountians under their own steam and land a fish without my help. Poppy is very keen to get a fish of her own having seen Jim and I land fish in the boat but so far has not had the luck, we will see if another session today in lighter winds can get her anything.

Next week we are moving to a cottage near Skye in a village called Applecross which is on the beach, this is a pretty remote spot so my mobile internet access might not work. The plan is for beach jogging or coastal cycling to keep the fitness program going while the kids build sandcastles and we do a bit of fishing off the coast. So we hope you are all well, the final stages of the recovery program are going well and providing some great fun holiday memories for us all.

Cheers

Gerry

Camping in the rain

The weather continues to be wet and cold here in Scotland somehow summer has not yet really arrived, never the less I set off camping with Holly for a few days last week to further test my stamina and immune system. Thankfully both held up well for the three days though I did sleep until 11am one morning after overdoing it sawing wood for the fire the previous day.

We set up camp in the woods near Lee's parents cottage, this is a great place for us as the kids can roam around the woods and the streams safely, we can do things that we would not be able to do in a regular campsite like have a wood fire, cut down dead trees, build bridges over streams etc. Its an excellent place for Holly to push the boundaries by going off exploring and joining in all the work of the camp. In addition the grandparents get to see a good lot of us and can spoil us with cooked breakfasts when we are too lazy to start the fire in the morning.

The weather was mixed but we did not mind and in some ways reading books at night while the rain fell on the tent was a bonding time for us. I find when I am away on a trip with one of the girls we chat a lot more than when we are away as a family which I really enjoy.

I had to go looking for my comb the other day as my hair has got to the point where it sticks out on the side I sleep ! So combs, shampoo and razors are all back in my life after a gap of three months in many ways the baldy look was a lot easier to maintain.

My other treat for the week was getting driven round a race circuit in a new Aston Martin Vantage by one of Astons test drivers, very scary, I have been convinced once again that I could not drive as fast as a proper race driver, they just brake impossibly late from 100+mph straights and fling cars sideways through corners all four wheels squealing in protest yet just hit the apex of the corner every time, amazing!

The medical report continues to be fine, the doctors are now encouraging me to go gardening and camping to get small infections as part of getting my immune system exercised and remembering how to defend my body, so far it has thrown off some sniffles and tummy bugs pretty quickly so I am feeling a lot fitter than even a few weeks ago. We are now setting up for a few weeks of travel, next week to Loch Rannoch for some hillwalking, the following week to Applecross near Skye for beach walks etc and finally a week at the campsite in Aberdeen though that last week will be broken up for me as I have to return to Edinburgh for my scan and to meet the new First Minister of Scotland for breakfast, Alex Salmond, on behalf of Gore.

So all continues to be well, any suggestions for Alex let me know in the comments!

Cheers

Gerry

Glorious Goodwood

All continues to be well here in Edinburgh medically, my hair has moved on from stubble to tennis ball, to nearly looking like a marine cut now, so my body continues to recover well. I do still get fatigue a bit but the times when I feel pretty normal are stretching out and the fatigue tends to follow a late night out or a long drive so is becoming more normal in its pattern.

The highlight of this week was a trip I made to a car show at Goodwood House just near London, I had promised myself this trip since I had been in hospital for my stem cell transplant, as this is the premier car event in the calender and I had never been. It was fantastic. Every car I have ever drooled over in magazines was there, being driven by the famous racing drivers of the era, and the public are allowed to talk to the drivers, walk round the paddock, peer in the cockpits etc. It was petrolhead heaven, only enhanced by the supermodel quota being off the scale. At one point I saw four world rally champions chatting to each other before runs in the actual cars they won the rallies in!. Sadly I could only stay for one day as Poppy had decided to have her birthday party on the Sunday, so I headed back up the road for that - but I will be back!

Poppys party went well I took her and some friends climbing and then they all took turns on an Ariel assault course 150 feet up which excited and scared them in equal proportions. Tonight was her end of term dance so dad was pressed into getting the Aston out of the garage to take them to the dance - they even have dance cards and much angst about who will get the last dance!

I see that the fishermen have returned from the ritual break in the wilderness of Walleye camp and Bill has kindly sent me some photographs of big fish I did not let go, I am sure the average has gone up a lot in fishing pounds caught without me there. Never the less its one of my targets to get to Walleye camp next year if the medics will let me that far away from civilisation by then.

Needless to say after the trip to Goodwood and Poppy's party my energy levels fell well off but only for the morning I seem to be feeling OK again tonight so my stamina is really beginning to improve a lot.

As before no news is good news at this stage, just keeping you posted !

Cheers

Gerry

Isolation and flowers

Just a low key update today as things continue to go well here. Poppy and Lee have both developed sore throats and general flu like symptoms so I have retreated to my study and segregated bathrooms, towels etc so that I avoid catching the bug from them. Poppy missed a day at school today from being too poorly to go but she seems much better now so my enforced isolation should not last too long. She is still very pleased with herself having won the school singing cup but is worried her throat will not have cleared up enough for her to sing at the award ceremony as planned next Wednesday.

I am still doing well medically with a visit to the doctors due next Thursday and my critical scan now set for the 26th of July, and then a week of waiting while they work out what the results mean, hopefully that will be the all clear which starts my move back to work in August as I am getting pretty bored with exercise, cooking and more recently a bit of gardening. I was not allowed to do any gardening other than push the lawnmower for the first six weeks out of hospital due to all the bugs in the soil etc. Over the last few days I have managed to clear the accumulated six months of weeds from our flowerbeds carefully using gloves and antibiotic hand wash afterwards, although I am not a gardener at all its nice to see things pretty tidy in the garden and sit outside for coffee in the sunshine after a day in the garden.

The news at the moment has me in despair as you may guess given my previous blogs in favour of a fairer settlement for the Palestinians - to see them implode as a group into factional fighting is just exasperating. As I have said before they have shown very poor unity and common sense as a group over many years plucking defeat from the jaws of many victories.

My first foray into stocks and shares happened this week, I have always been a bit wary of debt so have concentrated on paying back money owed on houses etc rather than investing, perhaps this is an overly conservative view but there it is. Anyway I had the chance to put a bit of money in a stock ISA (which is tax free in the UK so a good idea). After 24hrs I had managed to lose 100 pounds so not a brilliant start ! Lets hope things go in a more positive direction in the future.

We had two artistic highlights this week one was poppy's singing and dance role in the end of school performance of the senior school and the other was Lee's aunt graduating from the Edinburgh art school and being a part of the final year exhibit. She has taken up the art class since retirement and is doing really well selling some of the works she was showing. Well done Dorothy!

So no big news from here, no news still continues to be good news, hope you all are looking forward and enjoying the summer.

Cheers

Gerry

Warp 1

This last week the boredom of being convalescent finally got to me and I sneaked into work for half a day to catch up with two colleagues who were wrestling with issues I could help with. I did have to face deputy blogger, who was concerned that I was taking unnecessary risks, but in reality I did not meet any more people than I would in the street, and I only went in for half a days chat, so the stress level was very low. In any case all went well, no infections were caught and other than feeling a bit washed out the next day I was fine. My plan is to ease into making connections with colleagues over the next 8 weeks, so that I am not starting from scratch when I go back in August. So this week I have having two pub meetings with other colleagues to continue getting in touch, and have a few email type interactions planned. So I feel pretty comfortable about the level and the progress on this front, and it breaks up the tedium of exercise, rest and household chores.

My recovery continues to go well, my hair is starting to grow back as stubble, which is now black instead of wispy white, shaving every few days is now necessary, which is not welcome, but in a paradox the remaining hair on my arms and legs (and other bits) has fallen out, perhaps pushed out by new growth starting under the old hairs. I am still eating well, and exercising fairly solidly, which means I have lost a bit of weight around my tummy, just from the exercise, which is not too bad. So far I have not got a set date for my scan but I will see the doctor next week on Thursday for the next check up and see what is happening there. I do still get "fatigue" days or half days where I just crash out, but the gaps between these are growing, and I feel basically well, as you would think of it, ie with energy and some enthusiasm for getting things done, about half the time. The other bits are taken up with resting, pottering around the house, or having tummy upsets as my body learns to cope with the normal bugs in the environment. Interestingly my hay fever has not yet come back, which could be a nice positive side effect, as my new immune system may not recognise pollen as a problem.

Family wise all is going well, Poppy has won the school cup for her singing and is off to the big school today for her induction. Holly continues to be horse obsessed and has plans for going riding everywhere we are heading this summer. Lee is worried about her business, which I think is normal for a start up once lawyers get involved, but should die down once the deals are signed and she can get on with selling and developing the products.

So overall nothing exciting to report in the blog, first connections with work have been made successfully but gently, health is on course for improved stamina, and family is muddling through life towards the summer holidays. I hope things are well in your part of the world.

Cheers

Gerry

The joy of a tap-dancing Tea spoon......

I definately missed out when I did ballet and highland dancing when I was a child.....I so want to do tap-dancing..it is absolutely and definately, brilliant. Holly and Poppy wowed us tonight with all their friends in their dance show at the Churchhill theatre. The tap-dancing Tea spoons and playing cards stole the show.

I am inspired! and am going to contact my long-suffering girl friends to suggest some tap and jazz dancing lessons for us this summer.

G has turned into the domestic goddess with attitude......I'm rather enjoying the cooking obsession he has at the moment as I arrive home fom a hard day in the Dragon's Den to a chilled glass of Chablis with my cheese souffle and then a rather lingering and intense Merlot with a Morrocan lamb cassarole, finishing up with a rather indulgent Calvados with poached pear and a cinnamon and ginger compote. hmmmm I could get used to this.

I am planning to distract G a little to help me with some costings for our second product line for the business, I'm still on a really steep learning curve and am in need of Gerry Harvey Jones to
cut through the ..ap!! for me and be Mr Spock at a couple of business meetings at work.

Looking forward to the summer hols and some indulgent times! A few parties to organise first though....one for the Monster challengers and one for Poppy before the end of term...so watch this space.
Catering should be no problem now that I'm married to the Domestic Goddess.

Have a good night.

Deputy B
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Ferrari in the dust

Things generally continue to progress pretty well here, the big event of the week for me was our annual classic car show at Thirlestain castle. I have been going to this show for a few years with the MG club who compete for the best "single marque" display with the Triumph and other clubs however this year as well as having the MG at the show the Aston was pressed into service in a special forecourt in front of the castle. This was the "Dream Rides" section of the show where members of the public pay a donation (£30) to a children's charity in exchange for a ride in one of a number of exotic sports cars round an 11 mile street circuit. The Aston Martin lined up with racing Ferrari's, modern Ferrari's, Lotus sports cars, Bentley's and TVR's in a special paddock and I was kept pretty busy blasting around the circuit with a string of customers. Although it was overcast, the rain held off, so the roof was down the whole time, of course we were sticking to the speed limits and under no circumstances did the Aston complete a four car high speed pass on the straight to leave a pursuing modern Ferrari in the dust (I think he was in the wrong gear when we caught the other cars as his car is actually faster). Anyhow lots of folks from an 8 year old boy who was mad on James Bond, to middle aged housewives, seemed to get a kick out of the run, and a good deal of money was made for the charity. My friend Craig, who's MG is under restoration drove my car down but despite this effort we only got third in the club stand trophy.

By the end of the day I was quite tired out so took it easy last night, however, apart from being tired I seem to have picked up a tummy bug, probably a bad sandwich or meeting too many people, anyhow today will need to be spent in close range of a toilet! This is OK really as my body has to learn to cope with bugs gradually, so it is normal to push on a bit, like going to the show, and then to get a bit of an infection, as long as its not to serious and the body can cope it means it will be stronger for when I am travelling again and I need to be able to concentrate and turn up reliably for things. This is all part of the immune system re-learning its defenses against common bugs we encounter every day.

According to the doctors I am about one third through this process, they are recommending pretty strongly that I do not go back to work, other than for the odd meeting or phone call, until early August and so far I am sticking with their advice in the hope that when I go back in August, after a few weeks holiday, I can sustain a pretty normal working pattern. However I do feel the itchiness of boredum niggling at the edge of my mind now so I will just have to try to keep my discipline for another 8 weeks or so. I think a few lunch dates with colleagues when they are in the UK and the occasional phone call will start my reconnection to work during that time in a low key way.

So apologies to the readers as the blog continues to be a bit boring, this bit of the treatment process is in reality a bit boring, if it is going well, so I am happy to be unexciting and working through the daily routine of exercise and rest in a low stress environment. Long may it continue ! I am probably sticking to weekly updates now so do not worry if not much happens on the blog, if anything does go wrong I will let you all know so for now no news is good news.

Cheers

Gerry

Empty nest and frustration

Poppy has headed of for her first proper flight from the nest, with a one week long school trip to Holland, the house feels strange without her interacting with Holly, so Holly and I chum around doing things together which is nice. I guess that when kids leave home to go to college it must be a massive change in the atmosphere of a household and in the parents perspective on life.

Needless to say Poppy had nothing in her wardrobe that fitted her any more, and managed to persuade weak parents to fund her shopping for the trip, thankfully she is too old now for me to buy her clothes (I used to use my trips to the USA to buy very good value clothes at Oshkosh etc in the factory outlets north of our US plants, so unusually I bought a lot of their clothes when they were young) so poor Lee had to brave the shops with her. Poppy has good taste, which many young people, and myself, do not have, so we do not yet have the fights over the too revealing or impractical wardrobe selection.

Holly has her first horse "event" on Thursday, a kind of end of term show, so both Lee and I are keen to go along, as this is her real passion of the moment, and we know she will be delighted to see us there. I think all parents want to ensure they give good encouragement to both children so the horse show should, we hope, balance the justified praise for Poppy in the singing department.

On Monday I went to see my friend and leader in Gore, Andy Warrender, for lunch which was the first time we had spoken face to face since the start of my latest treatment. Andy, like all the Gore leadership, has been very supportive of my situation, personally covered my back when I had to drop out so quickly, and since has been keen to ensure that I took the time to get better properly before coming back to work. We had a nice chat about the things I might do when I come back, what had been going on since I had been "out of the loop" and other general chat about our own perspectives on life, he has just been to the north pole and has plans for other adventures with his family. Without realising it hours had passed, and I set off down the road my head buzzing with ideas (which was my normal state prior to treatment to be fair). By the time I got home I was exhausted, Lee took one look at me and headed me off to the couch where I slept for two hours. It is very strange to be mentally near 100% but not to have the stamina to be able to concentrate or keep going in body. I guess I just need to be patient and realistic, keep up the exercise, and slowly my stamina will grow.

Today I did turn on my work computer for the first time in two months, and I will make some tentative contacts with folks over the next few weeks on the telephone, just to gradually open up my radar to what has happened over the last months, and get a feel for what is going on. Its good to feel that there are opportunities and challenges out there waiting for my stamina, and my immune system, to catch up.

So a good weekend and few days, lots of interesting ideas for the future, but a good reminder of how I need to build up my stamina a good deal more before managing a 9 to 5, never mind the "full on" demands of the type of role I have done in the past. However a bit of chat with colleagues on the wireless headset for an hour or two, a bit of background research, and getting my radar off "pause" and on to "gentle sweep" all seems possible over the next month.

I even had my first shave in 12 weeks due to small white fuzzy stubble starting to grow again !

Cheers

Gerry

True Colours

All is well here in Edinburgh, in fact better than well. Last night Poppy sang a solo verse of the song "True Colours" at the school concert in the Queens hall, no mike or amplification, just stood out at the front of the 30 strong choir and belted it out to an audience of hundreds. Hers was the only solo singing in the whole concert, and I was bursting with pride at her great voice but specially her confidence to preform like that. We stopped for celebratory ice creams and rang Lee, who was stuck in a meeting near Oxford, to share the good news as we walked back through the park. The whole show was pretty good, both Poppy and Holly had good parts in different choirs, so we all enjoyed the evening. My bald head does make me stand out, even more than in the past, so lots of parents and staff were enquiring after my health, which was nice, if a bit repetitive.

Health wise things are still trucking along very well, I saw Dr Scott yesterday and, after a through check over, she announced that she does not need to see me again for four weeks. She is still supportive of the exercise I am doing, and thinks that is helping boost my immune system. I am now up to 17km bike, 5km rowing and 50 laps of the pool each session which takes about two hours, then I treat myself to a big fruit smoothie and a good fresh made veg soup at the cafe on the way home. One thing which surprised me is that I stopped to talk to four doctors and nurses just walking through the hospital yesterday, which shows how much time I have spent there in the last year.

Dr Scott has sent in the request for the CAT scan to check that the cancer is gone, as far as they can tell anyway, so that should be in about 8 weeks time. She is very confident, based on the clean CAT and PET scans before the transplant, that the scan will be clean, I am a bit more nervous as thats what they said the last time! It will be good to get a clean scan under my belt before going back to work, after that its just healing time and fingers crossed for the future.

So all is well and a quiet weekend is planned to enable us to catch up on some housework, rest and garden projects, I hope your days are going just as smoothly!

Cheers

Gerry

Cycling by lochs and glens

Things continue to progress well for me thankfully. My routine of gym and pool exercise has continued to get me out of bed and has trimmed my weight by about 2kg mostly by removing the excess fat around my middle which had built up as I lost muscle mass during chemo but was eating to try to keep my weight up. So although I managed to keep my weight constant at 85kg from Jan to May the proportion of muscle to fat did change adversely so dropping down to 82kg is just a part of rebuilding my muscle and losing some of that fat. It seems that I will probably be a bit "leaner" after the treatment as this is a common observation from other folks.

The exercise in the gym was supplemented this weekend by a fair bit of cycling as we all went off to the Trossachs with the bikes and each of the three days I cycled about 12 miles or so on average, with our family and a friend Ken and his daughter. Having two cars enabled us to pick routes which were a good length, but mostly downhill, so the level of exercise was not too much for me (and Ken who is recovering from a bad DVT clot in his leg). So for both of us and the kids this was a confidence boosting weekend, I even heard Holly say "that's not too far" when I told her we had five miles to go, so she is getting used to pushing on, even in the Scottish showers, which followed us from time to time on the routes.

The scenery around Callander is fantastic and most of the bike tracks are free of cars and run alongside rivers or lochs in the shadow of some pretty big mountains, so the views were tremendous. After three days we were sad to leave, but dancing rehearsals called for the kids, so we had to head back to Edinburgh for tea time.

I did manage my first outing to the local pub with my friend Nick for a few months on Monday night, which was very enjoyable and another milestone on the road to normality for me. A night out still has me sleeping the next day until 10am or so to recover, but the stamina to cope will come with practice. That can be my new excuse for going to the pub occasionally, I need the practice!

As the kids were on holiday today I took ours, plus two friends, to the pool and, while they played, I managed to do 50 lengths of the pool in an hour, which is a new post transplant record for me, so I am feeling pleased with progress each day, by the end of July I should be fit enough for family holidays and then work at the end of August as planned, fingers crossed, as I think I will begin to be a bit bored with domestic life and solitary exercise by then.

The hospital has sent me a "mental state" evaluation form, apparently a lot of my transplant buddies have developed depression, so they try to ensure we get the right mental support as well as the more direct medical stuff. Needless to say given my good luck and increasing well being my form will not trouble them too much!

So all is going well here, thankfully no infections or setbacks to report, lets hope it stays that way!

Cheers

Gerry

Slogging it out, day by day

Things are still going well here at Mulligan towers, basically my health continues to improve and I have not caught any nasty bugs, the kids continue to expand their horizions with horses (jr) and singing (snr), and Lee is taking advantage of a full time home help (me) to move onward and upward with her business, which is actually looking quite good just now.

We had a funny conversation last night where Lee observed that I had not become depressed yet, apparently I am supposed to be depressed about now because I have not got my full health back and that I have not got a cast iron promise of an ongoing future. Its true that I have spent a lot of time summoning the energy to get out of a chair from time to time, just because I am puffed out, but the cause has not been depression as predicted by a lot of the folks who work with us "survivors". My reply was that I quite like my life, and so getting it back, even in this limited way is a hell of a lot better than Melfan chemo any day of the week, or dying, which was the alternative. So for me walking down the street to the gym is good, picking up a few ingredients on the way home for tea is good (stroganoff today), chatting to the kids about homework, what they will not eat for tea and what time they are going to bed at, is all good. Perhaps people who are depressed did not really think they were going to die, honestly when I had my relapse, and the consultant told me I had a 40% chance, I thought I was done for, thankfully I seem to have been wrong, and so each day is good, no space for depression.

I did get humiliated at the gym today however, I was on a ski machine beside some very cool looking babe, I felt good about keeping pace, more or less, with her on the machine - until I noticed that the heart rate monitor on my machine was reading a solid 145 while hers was reading 68, clearly I will never reach that level, but none the less it was a startling reminder of how much work I need to do to get fit. My gym and pool routine is now up to about 2 hours a day which I think is a good level, still at low resistance but that will crank up as I get fitter.

We had some friends around last night which was nice, so a late night, and a few glasses of red wine, knocked me out for today, I just managed to get up at lunch time, and get to the gym, in time for the kids coming home from school. No way I would have been out of bed at 7am for work so even though I am doing well, and feeling well, my stamina needs time to build up just as the doctors said. This is a strange feeling as my mind is just about as sharp as it was before, but my body overrules me all the time. I find myself in the chair at the kitchen table 15min after I have finished my lunch just thinking about what to do next. There is a big disconnect just now between mind and the body so when folks see me, and hence I make an effort, I seem fine and sound fine, but in the quiet times I am really still puffed out a lot of the time.

So steady exercise, and lots of rest inbetween, seems to be the formulae for success, I am determined to cycle to my next appointment with Dr Scott, which is a good way across the city, as a target for next Thursday. In the meantime we have a long weekend coming up as the kids and Lee have Monday off, so that could see the bikes come out for some family cycling as a way to get prepared for my run to the hospital later in the week.

Cheers

Gerry

PS for you cooks I discovered a french recipie for pork roast which involves steaming the roast over a stock of onions, garlic, shallots, carrots for 45 min and then finishing it in a hot oven for 25min which makes great juicy pork roast, not at all dry like my previous attempts!

Monster Pictures

These are the rocket men of our team, Alex and Ian, who finished the event in time for a last order at the bar 3 hours or more ahead of the best of the rest of the team, this is them about to go for the last 20 miles still looking pretty fresh.

Here is deputy blogger and Duncan setting out on the last leg to the finsh at 10pm. At this point the soles of duncans feet were no longer attached to his feet, lots of drugs needed to keep slugging it out with Lee to the finish.

This one is of the main group ready to go for the main push, the front row from the left is my brother Kevin, then Philip, then Jonathon my sisters husband. The back row is colin (soon to collapse), Cris and Robert all friends of Kevins - Philip already looks like he is being held up and they have 20 miles to go from here.

This one is of Poppy, Holly and myself sitting on the back of the Jeep waiting for Lee to arrive at the final checkpoint before the big push, at this point I was pretty tired, Jim took all these photographs. With my Gore Paclite Jacket and Aston Martin hat to cover up the baldy head all my sympathies are on show!

Cheers

Gerry