Evening Bloggers,
Felt we might be in need of a little Calamity Jane to redress the balance away from Deliverance and repetitive Banjo players (and to be perfectly honest Burt Reynolds was asking for it!).
Have been downloading a few musicals to sing along to as we trudge over the final mountains on the overnight stage of our Monster hike. Delighted that Philip and Debbie may be joining us as support team and they are quite prepared to administer to the Monster team at all hours of the day and night with Gin and hot chocolates, irn-bru and fresh pyjamas.
G has had a good day today but feels pretty tired (he describes it like your worst jet lag and then some). He has got a lovely view from his room in the hospital looking over the city. You can see the castle and the Pentland Hills so at least he has something inspiring to look at while he is inside. The skype seems to be working really well and it is great for the kids to have a chat with Dad and it helps G not to feel too cut off in his solitary confinement.
Did a good monster training hike today, walking from the hospital through the park and along the Water of Leith down to the dockland area of the city. It was a beautiful day and although you are right in the middle of the city, the walk is beside a river and surrounded by trees so it feels quite rural. Small bit of excitment when I came face to face with 4 large Rottweliers that were big enought to look you straight in the eye....The owner was shouting something ineffective at them and assured me they were just boistrous puppies (hmm...now I was a little worried as he had on a checked shirt, clearly hadn't been to a decent dentist for a while ....but couldn't see a bango so I quickened my pace in the opposite direction, just to be on the safe side, when 3 guys in a Canadian canoe on the river shouted to me about directions to the nearest camp site). Strangely enough I made my best walking time today and covered 10 miles in just over 2 hours.
Just tucked the kids up in bed and I'm off to watch the West Wing.
Have a good night.
deputy blogger
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007
Check shirts
There is something about check shirts, or plaid I think the US guys sometimes call them, you see one and you just know its an American. So Kenny got that bit right, in fact I had to go to wal-mart to get some to fit in, with T-shirt underneath and in the cold fleecy shirt on top, add jeans and a raccoon hat some stout boots and you are pretty much blended in with the team in Eau Claire.
Bill has a great big metal tub that he once explained to me was used to make maple syrup, essentially by boiling vast quantities of maple sap for many days while constantly stirring it so those involved have to sleep round the campfire (seriously). I think if the waistcoated, brogue wearing, dickybow and tweed jacketed Kenny showed up we would see his head peering Kilroy style over the edge and a new "twist of Scotland flavour" of Maple Syrup in the local market.
So I have been saddened and entertained today in the subterranean email world of the blog, thanks for Tom for pointing out that the email was not on the profile page, it used to be and I have put it back now. Tom and Bill both let me know that our old plant in Eau Claire is being closed by 3M who have owned it for some years, that's a pretty sad bit of news so my best wishes to all the folks there and I hope they can find another challenge and it does not create too much hardship for all.
Philip has been cheering me up with cartoons and jokes, as an IT manager he can get past the filters that stop the rest of us in work, once he sent me an excellent video clip of Kylie when I had a birthday in HK but I could not download it! However through pure chance Johnathon my brother in law was in HK so we had a tequila night out together which was a hoot. I also got a long analysis of US foreign policy which essentially said lots of military stalemates (Vietnam, Korea, Kuwait etc) but the US still got richer and more powerful - therefore it must have been an accidental good policy. My alternative explanation is dodgy policy - good economy.
As to treatment I have got past the mustard gas stuff yesterday and am on to the second set of chemicals which take three days, I feel OK not distressed at all, but quite sleepy and exhausted so far main systems are all still working. The room is working out well with a big tree just outside the window which should be well into green leaves by the time I leave here. So all going well here, having Internet radio on speakers has been a great boon when I am feeling washed out I can listen easily and fall asleep with the radio on low - which basically was what I did all day, luxury!!
Cheers
Gerry
Bill has a great big metal tub that he once explained to me was used to make maple syrup, essentially by boiling vast quantities of maple sap for many days while constantly stirring it so those involved have to sleep round the campfire (seriously). I think if the waistcoated, brogue wearing, dickybow and tweed jacketed Kenny showed up we would see his head peering Kilroy style over the edge and a new "twist of Scotland flavour" of Maple Syrup in the local market.
So I have been saddened and entertained today in the subterranean email world of the blog, thanks for Tom for pointing out that the email was not on the profile page, it used to be and I have put it back now. Tom and Bill both let me know that our old plant in Eau Claire is being closed by 3M who have owned it for some years, that's a pretty sad bit of news so my best wishes to all the folks there and I hope they can find another challenge and it does not create too much hardship for all.
Philip has been cheering me up with cartoons and jokes, as an IT manager he can get past the filters that stop the rest of us in work, once he sent me an excellent video clip of Kylie when I had a birthday in HK but I could not download it! However through pure chance Johnathon my brother in law was in HK so we had a tequila night out together which was a hoot. I also got a long analysis of US foreign policy which essentially said lots of military stalemates (Vietnam, Korea, Kuwait etc) but the US still got richer and more powerful - therefore it must have been an accidental good policy. My alternative explanation is dodgy policy - good economy.
As to treatment I have got past the mustard gas stuff yesterday and am on to the second set of chemicals which take three days, I feel OK not distressed at all, but quite sleepy and exhausted so far main systems are all still working. The room is working out well with a big tree just outside the window which should be well into green leaves by the time I leave here. So all going well here, having Internet radio on speakers has been a great boon when I am feeling washed out I can listen easily and fall asleep with the radio on low - which basically was what I did all day, luxury!!
Cheers
Gerry
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Blast Off
Mission control restarted the count today and finally I am now having the first chemo delivered, this first one (yours Gerry for one day only) has made me turn quite pink so the nurse has put it on hold while checking with the doctor as I type this. Technology den is working quite well with the blog, skype emails and text messaging all keeping me busy as I wait for the chemo, messages and blog posts will be much appreciated over the next few weeks, when I am well enough to read and reply. I am trying to think of the chemo not as evil but as killing the cancer with my visualisation meditations - I do that for a while but it sends me to sleep so I have switched to Bruce Springstein to keep me awake. Pins and needles in my lips are the next interesting side effect so doctor is back!
Ok going to bail out of this just now, things are underway, and white coated people want to do stuff to me.......
Back again, Lee has been in since the doctors with Poppy and Holly, so I chatted to them for about 10min but slipped Lee a note to cut it short as the side effects were kicking in so they have gone off waving and smiling. We thought we would let them see the room when I still have my immune system (it takes about 5 days to crash it) from here on in we can then use the webcam as they will not be allowed to visit, at least for a few weeks.
I am feeling a bit better todays concoction is BCNU aka Carmustine http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/help/default.asp?page=4238 so the pinkness, headache and other effects are all as expected. I am definatily feeling it but not in any distress, just kind of detachedly (is that a word?) observing symptoms as they form. I think chilling out on the bed watching TV for the next few hours is the order of the day now, House and Question time both to look forward too tonight.
Cheers
Gerry
Ok going to bail out of this just now, things are underway, and white coated people want to do stuff to me.......
Back again, Lee has been in since the doctors with Poppy and Holly, so I chatted to them for about 10min but slipped Lee a note to cut it short as the side effects were kicking in so they have gone off waving and smiling. We thought we would let them see the room when I still have my immune system (it takes about 5 days to crash it) from here on in we can then use the webcam as they will not be allowed to visit, at least for a few weeks.
I am feeling a bit better todays concoction is BCNU aka Carmustine http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/help/default.asp?page=4238 so the pinkness, headache and other effects are all as expected. I am definatily feeling it but not in any distress, just kind of detachedly (is that a word?) observing symptoms as they form. I think chilling out on the bed watching TV for the next few hours is the order of the day now, House and Question time both to look forward too tonight.
Cheers
Gerry
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Countdown hold!
Just as I had got fully into the zone, red headband on, nurse ready (literally) to push the plunger and deliver the first antisickness IV ahead of the chemo, Dr Scott piled into the room and stopped proceedings, which lots of attached apologies. It seems like the potions class had done the wrong homework and had run out of evil chemo having only mild versions left. So I find myself surprisingly at home, about to eat tea, chatting to kids about their day - how wierd is that! countdown on 24hr hold and the whole timetable goes 24hrs back.
Gerry
Gerry
Misson control is go!
I have made it into my National Health Service luxury hotel for my months holiday at the governments expense, actually its pretty nice. I get my own room with en suite bathroom, TV, fridge, and a view with opening windows! I have a nice nurse called Gillian today, each nurse has only a few of us to look after so that they are the only staff that actually come into the room and we are not seeing to many different nurses to minimise infection contact points. I brought with me all my techo gadgets like computer with web cam and Internet access, Ipod, speakers and phone which are now all set up and tested so the radio is playing in the background as I type into the blog.
We have clarified the visiting rules which are less severe than I thought, although I am in whats called "protective isolation" I am allowed adult visitors, who are not ill, when I feel up to it although hands will need to be sterilised and hugging and kissing are not advised. The nurse told me that a lot of folk find the isolation very difficult to handle so the balance of overall good health, including mental health, suggests that some visitors are helpful and properly cautioned are not a high risk. It seems like latent bugs which I have in my system are the real danger to me rather than what I can catch from the occasional careful visitor.
Humiliation city has started in earnest since I arrived, every few minutes the nurse comes in with a more advanced sample requirement. The normal blood samples were just a starter, extra blood from a new needle in the arm was needed then multiple urine and all other possible samples you can think of including swabbing inside of all body openings - now that can bring a tear to your eye, trust me. Essentially anything which is on me or in me will go wild once the immune system is knocked out, so they culture and grow all these samples and try to anticipate what is going to happen and target the treatment specifically at the bugs they find. All I can do is keep up good hygiene bodily and specially dentally and wait and see what pops up.
Just had a nice chat with the doctor Rob, who filled me in on the treatment and what to expect, his main concern is the discomfort from ulcers and loss of lining in the mouth and throat, nearly everyone gets this, and for about five days I may need to take oral morphine and will not be able to eat or swallow so they may feed me intravenously to get me through that bit, not sounding like fun, but I expected that. So on the official clock we are on day -7 and counting down to stem cell introduction on day 0, chemo will be given for five days from now a different agent every day. The doctor confirmed that the chemo, as before, is cumulative, and the depth of the side effects will occur about day -2 to day 10 before the stem cells start to kick in and create protection for me.
However for now tucked up with my Moondust book, talking books and DVD's in reserve, nice view to look at, and the radio in the background I am in good shape and ready to take on the treatment. My fighting head is on now I am in the hospital helped by good music and meditation tapes, the good news is this is the treatment which should "cure" me finally, it should be all recovery from here on once we get those stem cells in.
Cheers
Gerry
We have clarified the visiting rules which are less severe than I thought, although I am in whats called "protective isolation" I am allowed adult visitors, who are not ill, when I feel up to it although hands will need to be sterilised and hugging and kissing are not advised. The nurse told me that a lot of folk find the isolation very difficult to handle so the balance of overall good health, including mental health, suggests that some visitors are helpful and properly cautioned are not a high risk. It seems like latent bugs which I have in my system are the real danger to me rather than what I can catch from the occasional careful visitor.
Humiliation city has started in earnest since I arrived, every few minutes the nurse comes in with a more advanced sample requirement. The normal blood samples were just a starter, extra blood from a new needle in the arm was needed then multiple urine and all other possible samples you can think of including swabbing inside of all body openings - now that can bring a tear to your eye, trust me. Essentially anything which is on me or in me will go wild once the immune system is knocked out, so they culture and grow all these samples and try to anticipate what is going to happen and target the treatment specifically at the bugs they find. All I can do is keep up good hygiene bodily and specially dentally and wait and see what pops up.
Just had a nice chat with the doctor Rob, who filled me in on the treatment and what to expect, his main concern is the discomfort from ulcers and loss of lining in the mouth and throat, nearly everyone gets this, and for about five days I may need to take oral morphine and will not be able to eat or swallow so they may feed me intravenously to get me through that bit, not sounding like fun, but I expected that. So on the official clock we are on day -7 and counting down to stem cell introduction on day 0, chemo will be given for five days from now a different agent every day. The doctor confirmed that the chemo, as before, is cumulative, and the depth of the side effects will occur about day -2 to day 10 before the stem cells start to kick in and create protection for me.
However for now tucked up with my Moondust book, talking books and DVD's in reserve, nice view to look at, and the radio in the background I am in good shape and ready to take on the treatment. My fighting head is on now I am in the hospital helped by good music and meditation tapes, the good news is this is the treatment which should "cure" me finally, it should be all recovery from here on once we get those stem cells in.
Cheers
Gerry
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Birthdays Poles and Politics
Thankfully the exhaustion of yesterday did pass so it seems like I do not have an infection or serious anemia, both of which could delay my treatment, I did take it pretty easy however mostly packing stuff for the hospital, cutting the grass and having a nice lunch with Lee to celebrate my birthday in the local cafe. Once again we were blessed with a still, warm spring day so I was able to take Poppy to her "post Aladdin" disco in the Aston Martin, I may take it to the hospital tomorrow if the weather is good before it gets tucked up in the garage to await my return (apart from Deputy blogger runs of course).
I have been delighted today by the cards, phone calls, texts and emails wishing me luck and a happy birthday, thanks to all of you and keep in touch during the boring days in hospital, least I hope they will be boring - exciting days in hospital is not usually good. I have stocked up on technology, books, DVD's and treats ready for the hospital tomorrow and am just finishing up my "apprentice lee" activities ( showing her how to work the Ipod/Lawn mower/Garage door/heating/Jeep brake light change etc). This time Lee has bought me a bunch of talking books in case I am not feeling up to reading which I think is a good idea, I also have access to podcasts from the web which I am getting into slowly.
The subject of poles has stirred much debate in the Monster Team, Ian's admonishment that they should be thrown in the canal, with the owners attached, wins wit of the week award however most of the family and friends having bought the dreaded things they are busy trying to justify themselves which is quite amusing.
Politics has taken an upward turn with my friend Jim Buckley sending me a closely argued view on the US position vs recent wars and the current challenges in the middle east, its very interesting to see a sincerely held view, much of which I agree with, but some of which is very different from mine, so one of my projects will be to research and understand the points he made and get a bit of a dialogue going. Jim was one of the people who brought me into Gore, and is now retired from being our overall manufacturing leader globally for the company, but in a past life he was US Navy so brings a good perspective to the development of my thinking. He and Gary Henderson my counterpart in the US in the past, also now retired, keep me on my toes on email and remind me of good and tough times we have faced together.
So once more into the breech, now writing this at 1.30am prior to the chemo day, the previous bit being stored on draft. Lee sat up with me, but my brain was buzzing too much and so we agreed to leave me stalking around for a bit sniffing the air in the house, visiting the sleeping peace of Poppy and Holly and watching rubbish on TV, rather than sleep through my last night of home warmth oblivious, this may be one of those days where seeing the dawn is OK, even a positive thing.
I once remember being on scout camp in Donegal in the midsummer, I think perhaps I was 13 or so, and we got up with the light, probably about 4 or 5am. For some reason perhaps in a vain attempt to buy mars bars (candy for those in the USA) we went to the local village, where only the baker was working making the wonderful smell of fresh baked bread because it was so early. I thought "this is the part of the morning that almost no one ever sees". Later in my life I would leave for the airport at stupidly early times, to maximise evenings at home, and I would meet foxes walking home as I left the house, in the middle of the city (there is a fox den in the cemetery behind our house) once again a part of the day we miss. Yet when I travelled I would wake up at these times and work and play or even drink (its 5 o'clock somewhere in the world) which we would never consider at home.
Somehow days were I have seen the dawn are still special for me (except in Scotland in winter where it just means you are late for work) so I probably mean days when I have seen the dawn in summer. One time in my life in Narvick in Norway I camped by a waterfall on a mountain and watched the sun not go down. I was 19 or so and had an unlimited rail pass in Europe but I wanted to see the sun not go down, my bubble was burst when I made my way back to the railway station and met a girl kayak instructor I had taught with in England who had canoed there instead of getting the train!
Its kind of an odd feeling being here just now, on the one hand I know that the probability of me doing OK is pretty good, in fact I am counting on it. On the other hand (as my friend Eduard would say) its a scary place to be, to entrust people to kill a significant proportion of your body functions and then grow them back, knowing if they do not you are toast, is a little worrying despite the statistics. Nick asked me how I was feeling and I told him I would be really pissed off, given how other things are going well for us, if I knew it was going bad. Its like the "deerhunter" movie you are sitting there with the revolver feeling, don't pull the trigger you die, pull the trigger you only have a percentage chance of dying, so you pull the trigger and hope that attitude/willpower/love/biochemistry count enough to pull you through. Don't worry I fully intend to be around to annoy you all, but these are the thoughts you face, just as I imagine people who go into battles or wars have faced the same types of thoughts for many generations.
Its always darkest before the dawn, but today I smelt the first cut grass of a new spring in a warm still sunny day, had a nice birthday and cooked tea for all the family - tomorrow is a new adventure, no doubt it will be fine to start with, then the "chemo crash" will come as usual. What I do know is that the chat from you all on the blog, email or text keeps me connected and helps me fight from my bubble, thanks for that and all the support over the last year.
So now I am going to stop being scared and write a list of all the things I want to do once I am OK, I think the classic car events at Goodwood in the Aston might be high on the list (note Kenny I may need someone who understands cars like you to copilot) and even Le Mans classic race may get a look in along with indulgent family holidays getting well and getting back to work.
Tally ho
Gerry
I have been delighted today by the cards, phone calls, texts and emails wishing me luck and a happy birthday, thanks to all of you and keep in touch during the boring days in hospital, least I hope they will be boring - exciting days in hospital is not usually good. I have stocked up on technology, books, DVD's and treats ready for the hospital tomorrow and am just finishing up my "apprentice lee" activities ( showing her how to work the Ipod/Lawn mower/Garage door/heating/Jeep brake light change etc). This time Lee has bought me a bunch of talking books in case I am not feeling up to reading which I think is a good idea, I also have access to podcasts from the web which I am getting into slowly.
The subject of poles has stirred much debate in the Monster Team, Ian's admonishment that they should be thrown in the canal, with the owners attached, wins wit of the week award however most of the family and friends having bought the dreaded things they are busy trying to justify themselves which is quite amusing.
Politics has taken an upward turn with my friend Jim Buckley sending me a closely argued view on the US position vs recent wars and the current challenges in the middle east, its very interesting to see a sincerely held view, much of which I agree with, but some of which is very different from mine, so one of my projects will be to research and understand the points he made and get a bit of a dialogue going. Jim was one of the people who brought me into Gore, and is now retired from being our overall manufacturing leader globally for the company, but in a past life he was US Navy so brings a good perspective to the development of my thinking. He and Gary Henderson my counterpart in the US in the past, also now retired, keep me on my toes on email and remind me of good and tough times we have faced together.
So once more into the breech, now writing this at 1.30am prior to the chemo day, the previous bit being stored on draft. Lee sat up with me, but my brain was buzzing too much and so we agreed to leave me stalking around for a bit sniffing the air in the house, visiting the sleeping peace of Poppy and Holly and watching rubbish on TV, rather than sleep through my last night of home warmth oblivious, this may be one of those days where seeing the dawn is OK, even a positive thing.
I once remember being on scout camp in Donegal in the midsummer, I think perhaps I was 13 or so, and we got up with the light, probably about 4 or 5am. For some reason perhaps in a vain attempt to buy mars bars (candy for those in the USA) we went to the local village, where only the baker was working making the wonderful smell of fresh baked bread because it was so early. I thought "this is the part of the morning that almost no one ever sees". Later in my life I would leave for the airport at stupidly early times, to maximise evenings at home, and I would meet foxes walking home as I left the house, in the middle of the city (there is a fox den in the cemetery behind our house) once again a part of the day we miss. Yet when I travelled I would wake up at these times and work and play or even drink (its 5 o'clock somewhere in the world) which we would never consider at home.
Somehow days were I have seen the dawn are still special for me (except in Scotland in winter where it just means you are late for work) so I probably mean days when I have seen the dawn in summer. One time in my life in Narvick in Norway I camped by a waterfall on a mountain and watched the sun not go down. I was 19 or so and had an unlimited rail pass in Europe but I wanted to see the sun not go down, my bubble was burst when I made my way back to the railway station and met a girl kayak instructor I had taught with in England who had canoed there instead of getting the train!
Its kind of an odd feeling being here just now, on the one hand I know that the probability of me doing OK is pretty good, in fact I am counting on it. On the other hand (as my friend Eduard would say) its a scary place to be, to entrust people to kill a significant proportion of your body functions and then grow them back, knowing if they do not you are toast, is a little worrying despite the statistics. Nick asked me how I was feeling and I told him I would be really pissed off, given how other things are going well for us, if I knew it was going bad. Its like the "deerhunter" movie you are sitting there with the revolver feeling, don't pull the trigger you die, pull the trigger you only have a percentage chance of dying, so you pull the trigger and hope that attitude/willpower/love/biochemistry count enough to pull you through. Don't worry I fully intend to be around to annoy you all, but these are the thoughts you face, just as I imagine people who go into battles or wars have faced the same types of thoughts for many generations.
Its always darkest before the dawn, but today I smelt the first cut grass of a new spring in a warm still sunny day, had a nice birthday and cooked tea for all the family - tomorrow is a new adventure, no doubt it will be fine to start with, then the "chemo crash" will come as usual. What I do know is that the chat from you all on the blog, email or text keeps me connected and helps me fight from my bubble, thanks for that and all the support over the last year.
So now I am going to stop being scared and write a list of all the things I want to do once I am OK, I think the classic car events at Goodwood in the Aston might be high on the list (note Kenny I may need someone who understands cars like you to copilot) and even Le Mans classic race may get a look in along with indulgent family holidays getting well and getting back to work.
Tally ho
Gerry
Monday, March 26, 2007
Overdid it a bit
Today was dominated by my body demanding payback for the idyllic weekend of the previous post. Getting out of bed was a struggle this morning, which I put down to my drinking with Nick last night, but by tea time when Lee came home I realised that I was really tired and struggling to get much done so, she shooed me off to bed to rest up for a bit. I had fallen back into not finishing my sentences which was a sign of problems in the past. It could be I am a bit anemic again or perhaps all the fresh air and exercise of the weekend was just too much for me. Anyway the plan is still to conserve my energy today and tomorrow before going into hospital on Wednesday, although it is my birthday tomorrow I think it will be fruit juice, packing and a little light walking for me.
Other than a bit of fatigue things are fine here, a problem with Poppy's computer, which is my link to the world when I am in hospital was actually fixed the first time by someone on a PC World help line - I was so surprised I thanked the lady profusely as it had never happened to me before.
Despite my worries the newspaper article turned out to be OK, it was a bit "jolly hockey sticks" and omitted my bad temper, duvet days, fears and apprehensions, mostly sticking to the fun we have tried to have during the treatment so it painted a more positive picture than reality with all its ups and downs. I am glad its out of the way, but I am sure some ribbing is still to come and is fairly deserved.
I hope I get a room with a view in the hospital, as I am going to be stuck there for a month it would be nice to get one of the rooms which has a view out to the Castle and the Pentland hills.
I may get the girls to set up a web cam looking at the garden when they are out so I can see how things grow as spring develops, and nag poppy to cut the grass for her pocket money. A few friends and family have set up on Skype so I hope to chat to them from time to time to pass the boredom of hospital - at least when my bits are intact enough for me to think about it!
My friend Nick has managed finally after a year to find the blog on the Internet despite many attempts in the past. He has threatened even to work out how to post though that may be beyond him, so he can insult Kenny. Kenny and Nick have a long history of winding each other up with myself and David Hunter moderating our golf days or 4*4 trips so I may need to use my UN option and moderate the comments if they do get into it!
Speaking of peacekeeping today was a great day for Northern Ireland with Ian Paisley and Gerry Adams sitting down and working out how to be in government together finally. So the circle turns, as it usually does eventually, and terrorists like the IRA become the Establishment and work for peace once the legitimate grievances are properly considered and dealt with. This happened when Israel was formed as the terrorists against the British were at that time most of the members of the eventual government of Israel, Hamas and its like must in the end be brought into the discussion as they have the elected mandate of the people. I see Ms Rice has finally said today she will "talk to anybody" if it helps stabilise the region and sort out the flash point of Palestine, good for her, she almost used the same words as the courageous John Hume ten years ago in Ireland.
A good day for peace in one part of the world, and perhaps the start of a pragmatic approach in another part of the world.
Cheers from bed
Gerry
Other than a bit of fatigue things are fine here, a problem with Poppy's computer, which is my link to the world when I am in hospital was actually fixed the first time by someone on a PC World help line - I was so surprised I thanked the lady profusely as it had never happened to me before.
Despite my worries the newspaper article turned out to be OK, it was a bit "jolly hockey sticks" and omitted my bad temper, duvet days, fears and apprehensions, mostly sticking to the fun we have tried to have during the treatment so it painted a more positive picture than reality with all its ups and downs. I am glad its out of the way, but I am sure some ribbing is still to come and is fairly deserved.
I hope I get a room with a view in the hospital, as I am going to be stuck there for a month it would be nice to get one of the rooms which has a view out to the Castle and the Pentland hills.
I may get the girls to set up a web cam looking at the garden when they are out so I can see how things grow as spring develops, and nag poppy to cut the grass for her pocket money. A few friends and family have set up on Skype so I hope to chat to them from time to time to pass the boredom of hospital - at least when my bits are intact enough for me to think about it!
My friend Nick has managed finally after a year to find the blog on the Internet despite many attempts in the past. He has threatened even to work out how to post though that may be beyond him, so he can insult Kenny. Kenny and Nick have a long history of winding each other up with myself and David Hunter moderating our golf days or 4*4 trips so I may need to use my UN option and moderate the comments if they do get into it!
Speaking of peacekeeping today was a great day for Northern Ireland with Ian Paisley and Gerry Adams sitting down and working out how to be in government together finally. So the circle turns, as it usually does eventually, and terrorists like the IRA become the Establishment and work for peace once the legitimate grievances are properly considered and dealt with. This happened when Israel was formed as the terrorists against the British were at that time most of the members of the eventual government of Israel, Hamas and its like must in the end be brought into the discussion as they have the elected mandate of the people. I see Ms Rice has finally said today she will "talk to anybody" if it helps stabilise the region and sort out the flash point of Palestine, good for her, she almost used the same words as the courageous John Hume ten years ago in Ireland.
A good day for peace in one part of the world, and perhaps the start of a pragmatic approach in another part of the world.
Cheers from bed
Gerry
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Idyllic weekend
Thanks to the team at the Western General Hospital, who put off my treatment for a week to allow me to have my birthday outside the isolation unit, I have had an idyllic weekend. The artic weather, which had me trapped in snowdrifts last weekend, was supplanted by a breeze free calm sunny weekend. For the first time spring really appeared and even hints of summer could be felt in the valleys.
Finally the long imprisonment of the Aston Martin was over and it was released into my care on Friday evening with no bill to pay and a fully compliant new safety certificate. Not to mention a garage style full polish and valet treatment so it looked great.
On saturday morning we set off for a nice hotel at Crieff with our family, Jim and Sarah, and their kids, one team in the Aston the other in the Jeep. A beautiful sunny day so Poppy and her friend Lucy who were in the back insisted that we keep the roof down. As we went through town Jim was surprised at the folk on the pavement who literally urged me to spin the wheels (which I sensibly avoided). Never the less it was fun to hit the first bit of unrestricted road and plant the right foot - but only up to around the speed limit - just a great fun run out.
We stayed in Crieff Hydro Hotel for the evening, a birthday present from Lees mum and dad, and we had great fun in the beautiful weather. Jim took the kids swimming while Lee and I did a 6 mile hike through the grounds to keep her moving towards her training goal for the Monster bike and hike. Feeling quite virtueous after our hike out we manged to get the kids fed and then grouped them all together in the one room while the adults had a nice posh meal downstairs. It was such a nice day that my thoughts rarely turned to the events ahead for the weeks adventure in chemoland.
Today the kids all went riding after a further session in the pool this time supported by Lee, as Jim tried to make up for lost time in the gym, they really enjoyed the lesson on the horses almost as much as the doting parents shouting encouragement and taking photographs around the arena. On the way home we swapped, Lee and Sarah took the Aston, while Jim and I followed in the Jeep, lets just say we got back around the same time!
Just in time to meet up with my good friend Nick for a final blow out, in reality we eat dinner at a local bistro while demolishing a few bottles of wine, chatted a great deal, and only had time for a half pint before the pub closed. So not a big blowout, but actually a really good multi-topic fundamental chat - Nick and I have known each other for a long time and I really enjoy our chats, which range over a wide number of subjects from political or economic analysis to how we are feeling about the serious situations we both face (his mother is quite ill but responding well to treatment). This balanced by a jovial "boys" humour and history which we share makes for a solid evening and further eats the time before treatment on Wednesday.
So a great weekend, lots of fun, chat, affection, humour, irony, a few beers and a few hugs from Lee, Holly and Poppy (when she was not being a teenager). Beautiful weather, good chat with friends and the occasional warp factor moment in the Aston with the roof down.
One nervous cloud on the horizon is that visit of the journalist who was thinking of writing a piece in the local paper about the blog, (if you remember the Maggies center folks asked me if I would be willing to talk to her), I am a bit nervous now as I hear they are going to print something on Monday and I am worried that it might be a bit "good", as you all know I am cankerous, rude, direct, agressive and unappreciative a lot of the time but I am not sure how the newspaper will paint it, I may need to buy up the paper locally if its too "nice" to avoid embarrasment. They will not know of the many deletions or "blog bloopers" which have been made along the way, and been the cause of a few domestic rows, I may be up early tomorrow to check it out!
I thought on Friday, I feel almost totally well again - must be time for chemo, and it is, just as the hair in my nose was growing back!.
The good news is this should be the last deep dive, now its time to get the pre-match head in gear, and get in the zone, a great relaxing weekend ahead of a focussed and determined week, thanks to all those involved, specially Lee, weekends like this is what we battle for in the tougher times ahead over the next month.
Lou Reid had it right, a perfect day/weekend, with good friends, family and chums - still spring weather, blue skys.
Good vibes from Scotland
Gerry
Finally the long imprisonment of the Aston Martin was over and it was released into my care on Friday evening with no bill to pay and a fully compliant new safety certificate. Not to mention a garage style full polish and valet treatment so it looked great.
On saturday morning we set off for a nice hotel at Crieff with our family, Jim and Sarah, and their kids, one team in the Aston the other in the Jeep. A beautiful sunny day so Poppy and her friend Lucy who were in the back insisted that we keep the roof down. As we went through town Jim was surprised at the folk on the pavement who literally urged me to spin the wheels (which I sensibly avoided). Never the less it was fun to hit the first bit of unrestricted road and plant the right foot - but only up to around the speed limit - just a great fun run out.
We stayed in Crieff Hydro Hotel for the evening, a birthday present from Lees mum and dad, and we had great fun in the beautiful weather. Jim took the kids swimming while Lee and I did a 6 mile hike through the grounds to keep her moving towards her training goal for the Monster bike and hike. Feeling quite virtueous after our hike out we manged to get the kids fed and then grouped them all together in the one room while the adults had a nice posh meal downstairs. It was such a nice day that my thoughts rarely turned to the events ahead for the weeks adventure in chemoland.
Today the kids all went riding after a further session in the pool this time supported by Lee, as Jim tried to make up for lost time in the gym, they really enjoyed the lesson on the horses almost as much as the doting parents shouting encouragement and taking photographs around the arena. On the way home we swapped, Lee and Sarah took the Aston, while Jim and I followed in the Jeep, lets just say we got back around the same time!
Just in time to meet up with my good friend Nick for a final blow out, in reality we eat dinner at a local bistro while demolishing a few bottles of wine, chatted a great deal, and only had time for a half pint before the pub closed. So not a big blowout, but actually a really good multi-topic fundamental chat - Nick and I have known each other for a long time and I really enjoy our chats, which range over a wide number of subjects from political or economic analysis to how we are feeling about the serious situations we both face (his mother is quite ill but responding well to treatment). This balanced by a jovial "boys" humour and history which we share makes for a solid evening and further eats the time before treatment on Wednesday.
So a great weekend, lots of fun, chat, affection, humour, irony, a few beers and a few hugs from Lee, Holly and Poppy (when she was not being a teenager). Beautiful weather, good chat with friends and the occasional warp factor moment in the Aston with the roof down.
One nervous cloud on the horizon is that visit of the journalist who was thinking of writing a piece in the local paper about the blog, (if you remember the Maggies center folks asked me if I would be willing to talk to her), I am a bit nervous now as I hear they are going to print something on Monday and I am worried that it might be a bit "good", as you all know I am cankerous, rude, direct, agressive and unappreciative a lot of the time but I am not sure how the newspaper will paint it, I may need to buy up the paper locally if its too "nice" to avoid embarrasment. They will not know of the many deletions or "blog bloopers" which have been made along the way, and been the cause of a few domestic rows, I may be up early tomorrow to check it out!
I thought on Friday, I feel almost totally well again - must be time for chemo, and it is, just as the hair in my nose was growing back!.
The good news is this should be the last deep dive, now its time to get the pre-match head in gear, and get in the zone, a great relaxing weekend ahead of a focussed and determined week, thanks to all those involved, specially Lee, weekends like this is what we battle for in the tougher times ahead over the next month.
Lou Reid had it right, a perfect day/weekend, with good friends, family and chums - still spring weather, blue skys.
Good vibes from Scotland
Gerry
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Hair dillemma and whirlpools
I have not yet worked out what to do with the emerging stubble issues of earlier posts, I think I might just be rough and scratchy for a bit, stubble is supposed to be fashionable after all.
We managed to sort out a nice couple of days at Crieff Hydro with Jim and Sarah and kids as my birthday celebration. Only afterwards did I remember that I would not be able to go into the pool with my plumbing sticking out of my chest, partly for ascetic reasons, kids running out of the pool etc, and partly to avoid getting the Hickman line infected, so Jim will have to do lifeguard duties while I sup cocktails and watch. Tough life but someone has to do it!
Holly has managed to get her first horse riding rosette today and came home very proud of "cantering" so we have set up some lessons when we are away at the weekend. I feel this will be the first rosette of many. To my surprise, tonight she finished her juice, fired up the laptop, and looked up the hotel and the equestrian centre all at 8 years old!
The three brothers Mulligan are planning to help Kenny Eggo understand that mothers are to be respected and admired, with a group visit on the way to the Monster hike, we will make him an offer he couldn't refuse, Godfather style. Actually having told his Irish wife of his comments I think an apology and retraction will be on the way, once he recovers from the blows, while my mum has been a great teacher of how to persevere through trouble, and is a strong person, she is my mum so everyone else has to be nice to her!
With the nice weekend we have planned I have about two free days before the whirlpool of chemo sucks me down again, I have felt well for about a week and a half and so it must be time for chemo and to feel unwell again. Mentally after a bit of time not being consumed with treatment my head is starting to turn back "into the zone" I am trying to hold it off to enjoy the weekend. Monday and Tuesday will need to be headphones on, walking, meditation, and packing for hospital to get my head ready for walking into that ward, 11.30am on Wednesday. While I am apprehensive about the depth of this dive, I am encouraged that this should be the last chemo I have to face, and I do pretty good overall on chemo, so bring it on!
So House is on the TV, Poppy with me on the couch and a nice glass of red wine on the table. Its good to enjoy an evening like all the evenings I took for granted for so many years in the past and hope to take for granted for many years in the future!
I am looking forward a last pre-chemo blow out on Sunday night, my friend Nick and I are going to go out for a few pints, which could turn into a few too many pints. At least I have left myself more than two full days of hydration and good living as a buffer!
Cheers
Gerry
We managed to sort out a nice couple of days at Crieff Hydro with Jim and Sarah and kids as my birthday celebration. Only afterwards did I remember that I would not be able to go into the pool with my plumbing sticking out of my chest, partly for ascetic reasons, kids running out of the pool etc, and partly to avoid getting the Hickman line infected, so Jim will have to do lifeguard duties while I sup cocktails and watch. Tough life but someone has to do it!
Holly has managed to get her first horse riding rosette today and came home very proud of "cantering" so we have set up some lessons when we are away at the weekend. I feel this will be the first rosette of many. To my surprise, tonight she finished her juice, fired up the laptop, and looked up the hotel and the equestrian centre all at 8 years old!
The three brothers Mulligan are planning to help Kenny Eggo understand that mothers are to be respected and admired, with a group visit on the way to the Monster hike, we will make him an offer he couldn't refuse, Godfather style. Actually having told his Irish wife of his comments I think an apology and retraction will be on the way, once he recovers from the blows, while my mum has been a great teacher of how to persevere through trouble, and is a strong person, she is my mum so everyone else has to be nice to her!
With the nice weekend we have planned I have about two free days before the whirlpool of chemo sucks me down again, I have felt well for about a week and a half and so it must be time for chemo and to feel unwell again. Mentally after a bit of time not being consumed with treatment my head is starting to turn back "into the zone" I am trying to hold it off to enjoy the weekend. Monday and Tuesday will need to be headphones on, walking, meditation, and packing for hospital to get my head ready for walking into that ward, 11.30am on Wednesday. While I am apprehensive about the depth of this dive, I am encouraged that this should be the last chemo I have to face, and I do pretty good overall on chemo, so bring it on!
So House is on the TV, Poppy with me on the couch and a nice glass of red wine on the table. Its good to enjoy an evening like all the evenings I took for granted for so many years in the past and hope to take for granted for many years in the future!
I am looking forward a last pre-chemo blow out on Sunday night, my friend Nick and I are going to go out for a few pints, which could turn into a few too many pints. At least I have left myself more than two full days of hydration and good living as a buffer!
Cheers
Gerry
Monster Training Tips!
Hi Bloggers,
We have a guest blog tonight from Ian who is chief coach and guru to the Monster Blog Team! He has raced the West Highland Way several times, does the three peaks race and another rather extreme event involving running up hills and sailing over stormy seas. He is extremely unreasonable and is motivated by cruelty.......read it and weep. (PS Glad I never succumbed to the poles!).
Deputy blogger
Ian's Top Tips!
I wouldn’t normally presume to give advice but, as I will be recovering from an operation and can not join you, Lee has asked me to pen a few training/fuelling/kit suggestions, in the hope of making your challenge less challenging and your monster less monstrous. My credentials? Chiefly partiality, prejudice and ignorance, along with some hill running, ultra-distance racing and long distance cycling.
So, here from my armchair, are my thoughts, principally empiric but also gleaned from the literature and discussions with fellow competitors.
The Bicycle
Hopefully any hire ones will have quick release saddle adjustment but it may be worth packing an adjustable spanner. When seated centrally, your instep should sit flat on the pedal with your leg fully extended. This means that when you pedal with the balls of your feet, as you should, the legs are just short of their full extension at the bottom of each stroke. You want stiff shoes for cycling – proper ones have rigid soles (and are hopeless for walking unless you want to impersonate a duck). Trainers are not good or efficient for any distance. Perhaps a trusted pair of harder soled, comfortable, fashion ones might be better if you don’t own cycling shoes. Before I bought my first “proper” ones I used a pair of stout brogues. Tyre pressure should be the highest the tyre allows (maximum figure is moulded on the sidewall) both for efficiency and as a safe guard against punctures. (Have you a spare tube and the means of removing wheel and tyre?) Racers roll at more than100 lb per square inch. Most bikes sit at around 30 psi! Guess which is the easier to pedal. If you have a choice, avoid the heavy, broad, low pressure, knobbly tyres beloved by the muddy fraternity. They are best left for tractors. Similarly, the stiffer the bicycle the better. It is not coincidence that the Tour de France riders use lightweight, suspensionless machines with incredibly skinny tyres, hard saddles and “drop” handlebars. With the huge distances they have to cover at speed in three weeks, comfort and efficiency are paramount.
The Walk
This is where you change into your trainers, or any comfortable, everyday shoes. Unless it is very wet and cold, or you wear them all the time, boots could be a bad idea. Socks need to be broken in too. Don’t keep new ones for the day as there is a likelihood they will be tight around the cuffs and you may get a painful build up of fluid around the tendon at the base of the shin. Many ultra runners cut the fronts of their new socks to sever the elastic built into socks.
“Smart Wool” socks are excellent.
Blisters? Once they have developed and burst they are best ignored until you have finished. The brain will blank out the pain. If you are aware of the skin rubbing, before it breaks, you may find “moleskins” (from a chemist’s Scholes foot department) prevent further damage. Scissors are required, as you cut to size and shape. Conventional plasters are too bulky.
Walking poles. My advice is; if you encounter any of these throw them into the canal. Try to ensure the owners are still attached. They are the greatest single (or paired) nonsense foisted onto a gullible public, other than “weapons of mass destruction” and “all terrain” perambulators. When Chris Brasher spread the myth about saving wear and tear on knees, he was making it up on the spot and ommitted to mention that he was marketing the rhythm destroying, soul destroying, unnatural, constantly getting in the way, peace wrecking, never the right adjustment, arm wearing, hand blistering, what do you do with them most of the time, gimmicky, fashion accessories. OK, if you have an injury a stick might help. Better still, an electric wheel chair or a motorcycle.
If you feel yourself flagging, swing the arms (unless you’re stuck with poles) to give some momentum and sort the breathing. Lead from the hips. Imagine a line attached to your groin area pulling you forward. This may work better for the chaps! Jog from time to time to change the muscle activity. For those of you wishing to finish before nightfall on the Saturday, try the sainted Baden-Powell’s “scouts’ pace” (campfire yarn 5). You walk for a set time (eg 10 minutes) and them jog for the same length of time. You are 50% faster.
You might consider carrying a supply of anti-inflammatories. I often use these as a matter of course during events BEFORE DIFFICULTIES ARISE. 400mg Ibruprofen is pretty good, unless you have stomach problems. An occasional contra-indication is shortness of breath, so try them first.
A useful psychology is to not contemplate the size of your task, on the day. Make targets such as the next checkpoint or whatever. If you tire, the targets should steadily be reduced – the next junction, the next bend and ultimately, the next step.
And, best of all, enjoy the view and chat to a chum – you may have to listen to them too.
Training
Training is all about clichés. “The hardest step is the one over the threshold.” “The most difficult move is putting your shoes on.” “Just do it.” Etc, etc.
At this stage I expect you are wanting to run/cycle/walk more than days than not. Or, stay in bed and read Ernest Shackleton. Then you will know that you can do anything. “Foritudine vincimus.”
Food and drink
As Tom Bourdillon commented during the first ascent of Everest in 1953, “The most important thing is that there is some.”
I would go for your normal favourites.
For endurance events, the current received wisdom advocates carbohydrates. Easily absorbed and converted sources include white bread and low fat rice pudding. Fats, cheese and chocolate etc, take longer to be of use and slow the passage of carbohydrate. Ultra-event runners who find it difficult to eat, drink a long chain carbohydrate concoction made from corn starch. Unlike carbohydrates such as sucrose and glucose, which can give unhelpful surges of insulin (rapidly leaping from hypoglycaemia to hyperglycaemia, both of which leave you feeling depleted), the stomach is tricked into accepting large quantities of evenly released energy. It is best bought as a powder (bland or flavoured) and mixed with water, in advance, perhaps using a food processor. Sachets of gels are also available but are less easily absorbed and require a good dose of water taken at the same time (they are also more expensive). The main brand is “Leppin” available from “Run and Become” (an inspiring shop) at 66 Dalry Road, just west of Haymarket (Edinrurgh).
There are electrolyte replacement drinks too (Staminade, Gatorade), but unless it’s extremely hot and you are travelling very fast they will be unnecessary, especially if you are eating normally. I have a theory that food assists the function of Leppin, as it helps to convey the drink to the gut where much of it will be absorbed. This is better than having your huge surge of energy a couple of day after you have finished!
The above supplements are mainly used by athletes who may be expending 12,000 calories in a 24 hour 100 mile run. If you are stopping to eat or can eat on the move, they are less important.
Those who struggle to raise an appetite might prefer something light such as tomatoes, melon, dates, squash/pumpkin soup. Bananas are supposed to be the perfect energy bar. They come in their own biodegradable wrapper. The ultimate gimmick is the lockable “banana guard” and, yes, there is a website. They come in different colours to compliment the walking poles. There is even a luminous one so that you can locate your fruit in the dark. When the orienteering world championships were held in Scotland, the whole of Inverness-shire, Perthshire and Moray sold out of bananas in a weekend.
Beware of too much fluid! Unless you are close to dehydration you will become less efficient (and pee all the time) if you keep using that other recent fashion accessory, the drinks bottle. Forget the urban myth of 8 glasses a day (that is for whiskey). For women, your body weight in pounds X .31 gives a recommended figure in fluid ounces. Sweaty men need a little more (X .35). Obviously if you are working hard you should increase your intake, but not by as much as many believe. On a long, hard run I rarely exceed 500mls per hour. If I am out for less than two hours, drinking is usually counter productive. Stalkers still believe that drinking water on the hill slows them down. They prefer to wait until they have finished the day’s work. Incidentally, a number of (female) marathon deaths has been attributed to excessive hydration – HYPONATREMIA. For some reason, only skinny, female, mediocre competitors seem to succumb. Perhaps the dilution is less relevant to stouter runners and the fast ones like Paula Radcliffe don’t have time to drink much.
Basically. eat and drink whatever you like.
GOOD LUCK and, if the going gets tough, remember it’s supposed to be a bit hard!
Ian
PS Happy to do one to one consultations in the shed at no 9 (bring your own cigs)
We have a guest blog tonight from Ian who is chief coach and guru to the Monster Blog Team! He has raced the West Highland Way several times, does the three peaks race and another rather extreme event involving running up hills and sailing over stormy seas. He is extremely unreasonable and is motivated by cruelty.......read it and weep. (PS Glad I never succumbed to the poles!).
Deputy blogger
Ian's Top Tips!
I wouldn’t normally presume to give advice but, as I will be recovering from an operation and can not join you, Lee has asked me to pen a few training/fuelling/kit suggestions, in the hope of making your challenge less challenging and your monster less monstrous. My credentials? Chiefly partiality, prejudice and ignorance, along with some hill running, ultra-distance racing and long distance cycling.
So, here from my armchair, are my thoughts, principally empiric but also gleaned from the literature and discussions with fellow competitors.
The Bicycle
Hopefully any hire ones will have quick release saddle adjustment but it may be worth packing an adjustable spanner. When seated centrally, your instep should sit flat on the pedal with your leg fully extended. This means that when you pedal with the balls of your feet, as you should, the legs are just short of their full extension at the bottom of each stroke. You want stiff shoes for cycling – proper ones have rigid soles (and are hopeless for walking unless you want to impersonate a duck). Trainers are not good or efficient for any distance. Perhaps a trusted pair of harder soled, comfortable, fashion ones might be better if you don’t own cycling shoes. Before I bought my first “proper” ones I used a pair of stout brogues. Tyre pressure should be the highest the tyre allows (maximum figure is moulded on the sidewall) both for efficiency and as a safe guard against punctures. (Have you a spare tube and the means of removing wheel and tyre?) Racers roll at more than100 lb per square inch. Most bikes sit at around 30 psi! Guess which is the easier to pedal. If you have a choice, avoid the heavy, broad, low pressure, knobbly tyres beloved by the muddy fraternity. They are best left for tractors. Similarly, the stiffer the bicycle the better. It is not coincidence that the Tour de France riders use lightweight, suspensionless machines with incredibly skinny tyres, hard saddles and “drop” handlebars. With the huge distances they have to cover at speed in three weeks, comfort and efficiency are paramount.
The Walk
This is where you change into your trainers, or any comfortable, everyday shoes. Unless it is very wet and cold, or you wear them all the time, boots could be a bad idea. Socks need to be broken in too. Don’t keep new ones for the day as there is a likelihood they will be tight around the cuffs and you may get a painful build up of fluid around the tendon at the base of the shin. Many ultra runners cut the fronts of their new socks to sever the elastic built into socks.
“Smart Wool” socks are excellent.
Blisters? Once they have developed and burst they are best ignored until you have finished. The brain will blank out the pain. If you are aware of the skin rubbing, before it breaks, you may find “moleskins” (from a chemist’s Scholes foot department) prevent further damage. Scissors are required, as you cut to size and shape. Conventional plasters are too bulky.
Walking poles. My advice is; if you encounter any of these throw them into the canal. Try to ensure the owners are still attached. They are the greatest single (or paired) nonsense foisted onto a gullible public, other than “weapons of mass destruction” and “all terrain” perambulators. When Chris Brasher spread the myth about saving wear and tear on knees, he was making it up on the spot and ommitted to mention that he was marketing the rhythm destroying, soul destroying, unnatural, constantly getting in the way, peace wrecking, never the right adjustment, arm wearing, hand blistering, what do you do with them most of the time, gimmicky, fashion accessories. OK, if you have an injury a stick might help. Better still, an electric wheel chair or a motorcycle.
If you feel yourself flagging, swing the arms (unless you’re stuck with poles) to give some momentum and sort the breathing. Lead from the hips. Imagine a line attached to your groin area pulling you forward. This may work better for the chaps! Jog from time to time to change the muscle activity. For those of you wishing to finish before nightfall on the Saturday, try the sainted Baden-Powell’s “scouts’ pace” (campfire yarn 5). You walk for a set time (eg 10 minutes) and them jog for the same length of time. You are 50% faster.
You might consider carrying a supply of anti-inflammatories. I often use these as a matter of course during events BEFORE DIFFICULTIES ARISE. 400mg Ibruprofen is pretty good, unless you have stomach problems. An occasional contra-indication is shortness of breath, so try them first.
A useful psychology is to not contemplate the size of your task, on the day. Make targets such as the next checkpoint or whatever. If you tire, the targets should steadily be reduced – the next junction, the next bend and ultimately, the next step.
And, best of all, enjoy the view and chat to a chum – you may have to listen to them too.
Training
Training is all about clichés. “The hardest step is the one over the threshold.” “The most difficult move is putting your shoes on.” “Just do it.” Etc, etc.
At this stage I expect you are wanting to run/cycle/walk more than days than not. Or, stay in bed and read Ernest Shackleton. Then you will know that you can do anything. “Foritudine vincimus.”
Food and drink
As Tom Bourdillon commented during the first ascent of Everest in 1953, “The most important thing is that there is some.”
I would go for your normal favourites.
For endurance events, the current received wisdom advocates carbohydrates. Easily absorbed and converted sources include white bread and low fat rice pudding. Fats, cheese and chocolate etc, take longer to be of use and slow the passage of carbohydrate. Ultra-event runners who find it difficult to eat, drink a long chain carbohydrate concoction made from corn starch. Unlike carbohydrates such as sucrose and glucose, which can give unhelpful surges of insulin (rapidly leaping from hypoglycaemia to hyperglycaemia, both of which leave you feeling depleted), the stomach is tricked into accepting large quantities of evenly released energy. It is best bought as a powder (bland or flavoured) and mixed with water, in advance, perhaps using a food processor. Sachets of gels are also available but are less easily absorbed and require a good dose of water taken at the same time (they are also more expensive). The main brand is “Leppin” available from “Run and Become” (an inspiring shop) at 66 Dalry Road, just west of Haymarket (Edinrurgh).
There are electrolyte replacement drinks too (Staminade, Gatorade), but unless it’s extremely hot and you are travelling very fast they will be unnecessary, especially if you are eating normally. I have a theory that food assists the function of Leppin, as it helps to convey the drink to the gut where much of it will be absorbed. This is better than having your huge surge of energy a couple of day after you have finished!
The above supplements are mainly used by athletes who may be expending 12,000 calories in a 24 hour 100 mile run. If you are stopping to eat or can eat on the move, they are less important.
Those who struggle to raise an appetite might prefer something light such as tomatoes, melon, dates, squash/pumpkin soup. Bananas are supposed to be the perfect energy bar. They come in their own biodegradable wrapper. The ultimate gimmick is the lockable “banana guard” and, yes, there is a website. They come in different colours to compliment the walking poles. There is even a luminous one so that you can locate your fruit in the dark. When the orienteering world championships were held in Scotland, the whole of Inverness-shire, Perthshire and Moray sold out of bananas in a weekend.
Beware of too much fluid! Unless you are close to dehydration you will become less efficient (and pee all the time) if you keep using that other recent fashion accessory, the drinks bottle. Forget the urban myth of 8 glasses a day (that is for whiskey). For women, your body weight in pounds X .31 gives a recommended figure in fluid ounces. Sweaty men need a little more (X .35). Obviously if you are working hard you should increase your intake, but not by as much as many believe. On a long, hard run I rarely exceed 500mls per hour. If I am out for less than two hours, drinking is usually counter productive. Stalkers still believe that drinking water on the hill slows them down. They prefer to wait until they have finished the day’s work. Incidentally, a number of (female) marathon deaths has been attributed to excessive hydration – HYPONATREMIA. For some reason, only skinny, female, mediocre competitors seem to succumb. Perhaps the dilution is less relevant to stouter runners and the fast ones like Paula Radcliffe don’t have time to drink much.
Basically. eat and drink whatever you like.
GOOD LUCK and, if the going gets tough, remember it’s supposed to be a bit hard!
Ian
PS Happy to do one to one consultations in the shed at no 9 (bring your own cigs)
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Leg stubble and snowdrifts
I did mange to get away for a few days up north but plans did not go quite as expected, firstly Ireland lost the Rugby championship despite winning their game against Italy the Scottish did not hold their end up and let the French beat them by enough to get the championship - it was pretty good sport though as the final try, in the final seconds of the second game, shifted the overall win from Ireland to France. Needless to say I stayed to watch this final and so set off late on Saturday determined to get to Skye for a few days of solitude, stormy beach walks and warm pubs.
I got most of the way on the first night, driving for four hours despite the rain and sleet, and found myself a small country house hotel just about an hour from Skye, a warm dram with the owner, a good sleep and a "full scottish" breakfast set me up for the next days expedition. Unfortunatly when the Monedeo started to slide backwards down the slope of the road, when I stopped behind a stuck camper van, I decided to reroute. I did narrowly miss the crash barrier with the car and used my long forgotten snow driving skills to get the car turned round without hitting the barrier or sliding down the camber into the deep ditch.
Tail somewhat between legs I scamped along the side of Loch Ness in the snow following the course of the Monster bike and hike for two hours, that is a long way to walk! Then I tried heading out to Ullapool and managed to get to the coast with some pretty scary moments as the snow drifted across the road. Even the stags were driven down from the mountian to the roadside by the fierce gales. Lamb curry at the celidh house fortified me along the way and I liked it so much I returned for dinner that evening taking a small B&B room within walking distance so I could have a few pints of beer.
Next day it was snowing sidways so I cut short the trip, topped up with petrol and headed home, turned back twice by closed roads and following a snowplough at one point I managed to get on to the east coast where the grass was green and the sun shining all the way to Edinburgh. The weather here is an amazing contrast sometimes. So a few reflective days away, and the occasional fantastic snow covered views, when there was breaks in the weather, but not as successful as I had hoped.
I have discovered that the hairs on my legs and on my head are making a comeback, I shall have to consult with the ladies on how to deal with leg stubble, I suspect shaving may be needed, short term, in both areas, as it will all start to fall out again by the end of next week. Shaving of the chin has been reduced to once a week for the last month, which is a welcome side benefit of chemo. I sometimes wonder if I will keep my baldy head after this is over in an attempt to create the "Bruce Willis" bad boy look. Lee is more keen on the "gerry with hair" version at the moment so we will see, I guess she will have the casting vote.
We are still working on options for this weekend, we had thought about going to one of the big hotels for the night on Saturday, as the kids would like that, but we are thinking perhaps something a bit more memorable might be appropiate for my birthday celebration, keep you posted on that one later in the week
Cheers
Gerry
I got most of the way on the first night, driving for four hours despite the rain and sleet, and found myself a small country house hotel just about an hour from Skye, a warm dram with the owner, a good sleep and a "full scottish" breakfast set me up for the next days expedition. Unfortunatly when the Monedeo started to slide backwards down the slope of the road, when I stopped behind a stuck camper van, I decided to reroute. I did narrowly miss the crash barrier with the car and used my long forgotten snow driving skills to get the car turned round without hitting the barrier or sliding down the camber into the deep ditch.
Tail somewhat between legs I scamped along the side of Loch Ness in the snow following the course of the Monster bike and hike for two hours, that is a long way to walk! Then I tried heading out to Ullapool and managed to get to the coast with some pretty scary moments as the snow drifted across the road. Even the stags were driven down from the mountian to the roadside by the fierce gales. Lamb curry at the celidh house fortified me along the way and I liked it so much I returned for dinner that evening taking a small B&B room within walking distance so I could have a few pints of beer.
Next day it was snowing sidways so I cut short the trip, topped up with petrol and headed home, turned back twice by closed roads and following a snowplough at one point I managed to get on to the east coast where the grass was green and the sun shining all the way to Edinburgh. The weather here is an amazing contrast sometimes. So a few reflective days away, and the occasional fantastic snow covered views, when there was breaks in the weather, but not as successful as I had hoped.
I have discovered that the hairs on my legs and on my head are making a comeback, I shall have to consult with the ladies on how to deal with leg stubble, I suspect shaving may be needed, short term, in both areas, as it will all start to fall out again by the end of next week. Shaving of the chin has been reduced to once a week for the last month, which is a welcome side benefit of chemo. I sometimes wonder if I will keep my baldy head after this is over in an attempt to create the "Bruce Willis" bad boy look. Lee is more keen on the "gerry with hair" version at the moment so we will see, I guess she will have the casting vote.
We are still working on options for this weekend, we had thought about going to one of the big hotels for the night on Saturday, as the kids would like that, but we are thinking perhaps something a bit more memorable might be appropiate for my birthday celebration, keep you posted on that one later in the week
Cheers
Gerry
Friday, March 16, 2007
Mondeo and snow
My plans for an escape are crumbling at the edges as the Aston is still stuck in the garage in bits, as the job turned out to be more complex than expected, so to the new return to Gerry date is next Wednesday, at £100 an hour I am glad I am not paying! At the same time the hoped for high pressure ridge, to create perfect cool walking weather in Skye and spectacular views which can happen in Scotland in winter, has been replaced by an Arctic low bringing really cold windy weather and even potentially snow to us from Sunday onward. So my Bond like hope of the open topped Aston, beautiful views, warm pub evenings as I tour the north has morphed into Mondeo estate, cloud and snow - at least the pubs will still be warm. So now I am looking for nice places to stay near main roads (so I can get out if it snows hard). I may even defer my escape until Wednesday, if the weather looks better, and the car looks like being released from its automotive prison.
Medically we are still on a good curve, I am anemic, but not to a transfusion level, getting a bit fitter, but still running out of puff from time to time. I saw Dr Scott yesterday and she was cheery about my prospects, again warning me that I would be sick for a few months after the next adventure in hospital (the way I am now does not count as sick in her world, so we will have to be prepared). All the tests came out well apart from a bit of a query about one of the chambers of my heart being a bit distended, apparently this is normal for the chemo I have had and is not a big issue. All the more reason for keeping up with the walking.
I went all the way into town today to check out some insurance for Lee, the cold wind was a challenge so I had to duck into a coffee place to warm up half way home. I was tired when I got home so as usual a short kip got my energy back up.
The blog is going international even more, some recent comments are from folks from blogworld in Canada who have been reading the blog, the first time I have heard from someone outside the community of colleagues, family and friends, so that is pretty cool. This may happen more as we were visited by a journalist, Clare Smith, yesterday who had been put on to the blog by the folks at the Maggies centre, she is doing a series of articles in support of Maggies and so next weeks may be about this blog and how the Maggies folks helped us. You can find some of her previous work on Scotsman.com, after chatting over a couple of coffee's she wanted to do an article about Gore later, so I earned my "Gore bore" merit badge over again.
So all is well here, Lee's company is well on the way to being set up and may even start trading at the start of April, if we can get some legal stuff sorted out and I can work out how to set up the accounting software on the computer.
This week sees the end of the Rugby competition and the decision on the championship is down to the last games on Saturday which is great - Go Ireland !!!
Best wishes from a windy and cold Edinburgh
Cheers
Gerry
Medically we are still on a good curve, I am anemic, but not to a transfusion level, getting a bit fitter, but still running out of puff from time to time. I saw Dr Scott yesterday and she was cheery about my prospects, again warning me that I would be sick for a few months after the next adventure in hospital (the way I am now does not count as sick in her world, so we will have to be prepared). All the tests came out well apart from a bit of a query about one of the chambers of my heart being a bit distended, apparently this is normal for the chemo I have had and is not a big issue. All the more reason for keeping up with the walking.
I went all the way into town today to check out some insurance for Lee, the cold wind was a challenge so I had to duck into a coffee place to warm up half way home. I was tired when I got home so as usual a short kip got my energy back up.
The blog is going international even more, some recent comments are from folks from blogworld in Canada who have been reading the blog, the first time I have heard from someone outside the community of colleagues, family and friends, so that is pretty cool. This may happen more as we were visited by a journalist, Clare Smith, yesterday who had been put on to the blog by the folks at the Maggies centre, she is doing a series of articles in support of Maggies and so next weeks may be about this blog and how the Maggies folks helped us. You can find some of her previous work on Scotsman.com, after chatting over a couple of coffee's she wanted to do an article about Gore later, so I earned my "Gore bore" merit badge over again.
So all is well here, Lee's company is well on the way to being set up and may even start trading at the start of April, if we can get some legal stuff sorted out and I can work out how to set up the accounting software on the computer.
This week sees the end of the Rugby competition and the decision on the championship is down to the last games on Saturday which is great - Go Ireland !!!
Best wishes from a windy and cold Edinburgh
Cheers
Gerry
Shit happens
The title is a quote from the last entry in a blog which inspired me in the early days of my treatment, you can find it at http://www.cancergiggles.blog-city.com/live_with_cancer_1.htm, unfortunatly I just found out that Cass Brown, the authour of the blog, died in January after a long battle against a very serious form of cancer. Cass was an inspiration to many of us in blogworld because of his wit, honesty, courage and love of life. I read the paragraph below a few days after I was diagnosed and it made a real, punch in the stomach style, impact on me as I was just winding into the "woe is me" nonsense which I have since mostly avoided. At least in part the inspiration of his words, written when he was already very sick and terminally so, helped me through the last year, so I reproduce them here in case you ever need to return to them in any time of your own trouble. This is copyrighted to him, but I think the spirt with which it was written would allow for it to be seen here and I encourage you to consider buying his book, appropiatly entitled Cancergiggles (ISBN 0955198801).
"I am in absolutely no doubt that without my wife I would be dead already. A couple of years ago she cared for me and literally dragged me back to life when everyone, including the doctors, had just about given up hope. Both her and my young daughter had to cope with my complex medical problems, the practical and financial problems of being in the situation in a foreign country and the very strong likelihood that I would die in the very near (sometimes thought to be hours) future. They were just amazing! This goes back to a previous point. If you ever, for one nano second, feel sorry for yourself, just simply be ashamed. Sorry to turn this on its head but this ISN'T ABOUT YOU. It's about the people you will leave behind and soon you will have absolutely zero input into the situation. Use whatever time you have to make them happy and for Gods sake MAKE THEM LAUGH. If you have devoted your entire life to being a miserable, selfish, mean and entirely unattractive excuse for a human being, knock it off now! If you are bankrupt, don't have a friend in the world and your family has deserted you, get off your ass and make somebody else laugh. You get just one crack at this. You can't die happy if what you leave is a world of shit and grief. If at some stage in the future my name comes up and it elicits a wry smile from someone that's good. If it makes somebody laugh, you'll hear me jumping on the clouds".
Well I hope you all get something from his words as I did, I hear him jumping on the clouds and I will always remember his key point - this isn't about you, its about the people you leave behind. I do not have his wit, as many commentators have pointed out, but I do believe in the point he made to me in his blog, and it has helped me with my much easier and less risky path specially in the darker times. His words still make me smile.
So a sad day, but a celebration of a good and inspirational life, not really looking for comments on this one, just wanted to put it out there in respect for the difference he made to a lot of us.
Rest in Peace, Cass Brown, bummer of a result
Gerry
"I am in absolutely no doubt that without my wife I would be dead already. A couple of years ago she cared for me and literally dragged me back to life when everyone, including the doctors, had just about given up hope. Both her and my young daughter had to cope with my complex medical problems, the practical and financial problems of being in the situation in a foreign country and the very strong likelihood that I would die in the very near (sometimes thought to be hours) future. They were just amazing! This goes back to a previous point. If you ever, for one nano second, feel sorry for yourself, just simply be ashamed. Sorry to turn this on its head but this ISN'T ABOUT YOU. It's about the people you will leave behind and soon you will have absolutely zero input into the situation. Use whatever time you have to make them happy and for Gods sake MAKE THEM LAUGH. If you have devoted your entire life to being a miserable, selfish, mean and entirely unattractive excuse for a human being, knock it off now! If you are bankrupt, don't have a friend in the world and your family has deserted you, get off your ass and make somebody else laugh. You get just one crack at this. You can't die happy if what you leave is a world of shit and grief. If at some stage in the future my name comes up and it elicits a wry smile from someone that's good. If it makes somebody laugh, you'll hear me jumping on the clouds".
Well I hope you all get something from his words as I did, I hear him jumping on the clouds and I will always remember his key point - this isn't about you, its about the people you leave behind. I do not have his wit, as many commentators have pointed out, but I do believe in the point he made to me in his blog, and it has helped me with my much easier and less risky path specially in the darker times. His words still make me smile.
So a sad day, but a celebration of a good and inspirational life, not really looking for comments on this one, just wanted to put it out there in respect for the difference he made to a lot of us.
Rest in Peace, Cass Brown, bummer of a result
Gerry
Monday, March 12, 2007
Cremola Foam and Green Flash
Good evening bloggers!
Felt we might be in need of a Monster update........some of the participants on the challenge (ie me) checked out the maps at the weekend, time schedule, general levels of fitness etc and felt it may be time to succumb to a couple of hours of being patronised by the "helpful young chaps" in Tiso's about "the gear" to take on the Monster challenge. Having done three outings now on the Pentland hills (and improved my time...not that I am competitive) I was feeling a bit insecure about being sorrounded by walking poles and GORETEX (yes reader I married him) but is it all absolutely neccessary? I was brought up climbing hills and mountains from an early age equiped in either wellies or those plastic sandels from Woolworths and later progressing to Green Flash tennis shoes. Supplies included a tin of Cremola Foam (if you remember this you are circa 1969-1974) and a curly wurly.
On the Pentlands on Saturday there was a lot of Goretex and walking Poles and that was just on a mile radius from the Flotterstone Inn, they did tend to disperse as you headed up the hills. There is a wonderful point just before the summit at Carnethy where the orchestra starts to build and you run on to the summit twirl round like Julie Andrews and belt out "The hills are alive with the sound of music" hoping that you are alone at least for the first few bars.
Enjoyed a flask of coffee and some selkirk bannock at the top and then got blown down the other side as the wind was up a bit (this is where a hang-glider or even a decent kagoule would have been useful). Have to confess to quite enjoying the excuse to go out tramping around the hills at the weekend on my own...I like having time to think, I like not having all my time scheduled to the nth degree and having to go shopping or hoover the house.
Anyway, a long way to go on the fitness front but having fun getting out there at the moment...starting the cycle training at the weekend and have got some really ridiculous gear for that!
Keep sending us your comfort food recipes for Holly's book..we are hoping to go to print soon. Poppy's drama show at school last week was a real success so we are hoping for a good fundraising total for our Monster appeal. Many thanks to all of you that have contributed to the web page so far, it is greatly appreciated. www.justgiving.com/gerrysblogteam
I'm signing off now to argue with G about global warming (he has just watched a channel 4 documentary and has got up a head of steam and is looking for a victim to test out a few theories on..how can I refuse. What does this mean for sales of Goretex, walking poles or Cremola Foam?)
Deputy blogger
L
x
Felt we might be in need of a Monster update........some of the participants on the challenge (ie me) checked out the maps at the weekend, time schedule, general levels of fitness etc and felt it may be time to succumb to a couple of hours of being patronised by the "helpful young chaps" in Tiso's about "the gear" to take on the Monster challenge. Having done three outings now on the Pentland hills (and improved my time...not that I am competitive) I was feeling a bit insecure about being sorrounded by walking poles and GORETEX (yes reader I married him) but is it all absolutely neccessary? I was brought up climbing hills and mountains from an early age equiped in either wellies or those plastic sandels from Woolworths and later progressing to Green Flash tennis shoes. Supplies included a tin of Cremola Foam (if you remember this you are circa 1969-1974) and a curly wurly.
On the Pentlands on Saturday there was a lot of Goretex and walking Poles and that was just on a mile radius from the Flotterstone Inn, they did tend to disperse as you headed up the hills. There is a wonderful point just before the summit at Carnethy where the orchestra starts to build and you run on to the summit twirl round like Julie Andrews and belt out "The hills are alive with the sound of music" hoping that you are alone at least for the first few bars.
Enjoyed a flask of coffee and some selkirk bannock at the top and then got blown down the other side as the wind was up a bit (this is where a hang-glider or even a decent kagoule would have been useful). Have to confess to quite enjoying the excuse to go out tramping around the hills at the weekend on my own...I like having time to think, I like not having all my time scheduled to the nth degree and having to go shopping or hoover the house.
Anyway, a long way to go on the fitness front but having fun getting out there at the moment...starting the cycle training at the weekend and have got some really ridiculous gear for that!
Keep sending us your comfort food recipes for Holly's book..we are hoping to go to print soon. Poppy's drama show at school last week was a real success so we are hoping for a good fundraising total for our Monster appeal. Many thanks to all of you that have contributed to the web page so far, it is greatly appreciated. www.justgiving.com/gerrysblogteam
I'm signing off now to argue with G about global warming (he has just watched a channel 4 documentary and has got up a head of steam and is looking for a victim to test out a few theories on..how can I refuse. What does this mean for sales of Goretex, walking poles or Cremola Foam?)
Deputy blogger
L
x
Jolly time in the eye of the storm
Just a quick update, unlike the previous tome, to say things are going well here in the "eye of the storm". I have recovered from the set of IVE chemos to a good degree, still a bit tired, very unfit, and with a wobbly tummy, but all of that is easy to manage with sleep, gentle exercise and good food. I have basically got two weeks now when I am reasonably fit, but need to get fitter, before submerging in the BEAM chemo, so I will probably not be blogging too much if things go according to plan.
Plans for this break of good health got off to a good start when a bunch of my old Dumfries based friends came over for dinner on Saturday, joined by my Mum once her late plane had got in. Everyone got on well and all the old stories were recycled of famous toga parties and harmless pranks we managed to escape from unscathed as batchelors. Everyone seemed to have a good time chatting and eating, I noticed how sensible we have become as folks switched to water or tea after midnight rather than reaching for the whisky! Our kids and the Eggos kids played together until the end of the party at 1am, when they headed back to Dumfries to make early morning football. All together a great evening with good friends.
This jolly night followed after we watched Ireland win once again at the Rugby, just, against Scotland and England beat France to leave the championship wide open for the final matches next week. Which will leave me with a dillemma as I was planning to head off to Skye for a bit of gentle hill walking next weekend and to get away on my own for two days with my, hopefully, repaired Aston, so now I may stay home on Saturday to watch the Rugby with the boys and make a shorter trip up north!
Plans are then to return to Edinburgh for some medical check ups and final preparation for the chemo before taking the last weekend away with the family for a nice treat, we shall have to look up good hotels with swimming pools and horses for the kids and a nice resturant for us.
Mum stayed for two days so we were able to catch up and put the world to rights over some gentle walks, and a nice lunch treat overlooking the castle, before we picked up the kids from school. Plans to go out on Sunday were cancelled as I felt pretty tired after the late evening (stamina of a mouse, me) and had to go for an afternoon sleep but again this gave us a good chance to chat when I was not sleeping so things worked out OK.
Hope you all are doing well, 20 days to transplant 15 to BEAM chemo and the countdown is going well according to the blood counts and tests, I will let you know if any upates on that otherwise I am going to enjoy the next days of relative health and freedom as I know the next two months are going to be a rollercoaster adventure.
Cheers
Gerry
Plans for this break of good health got off to a good start when a bunch of my old Dumfries based friends came over for dinner on Saturday, joined by my Mum once her late plane had got in. Everyone got on well and all the old stories were recycled of famous toga parties and harmless pranks we managed to escape from unscathed as batchelors. Everyone seemed to have a good time chatting and eating, I noticed how sensible we have become as folks switched to water or tea after midnight rather than reaching for the whisky! Our kids and the Eggos kids played together until the end of the party at 1am, when they headed back to Dumfries to make early morning football. All together a great evening with good friends.
This jolly night followed after we watched Ireland win once again at the Rugby, just, against Scotland and England beat France to leave the championship wide open for the final matches next week. Which will leave me with a dillemma as I was planning to head off to Skye for a bit of gentle hill walking next weekend and to get away on my own for two days with my, hopefully, repaired Aston, so now I may stay home on Saturday to watch the Rugby with the boys and make a shorter trip up north!
Plans are then to return to Edinburgh for some medical check ups and final preparation for the chemo before taking the last weekend away with the family for a nice treat, we shall have to look up good hotels with swimming pools and horses for the kids and a nice resturant for us.
Mum stayed for two days so we were able to catch up and put the world to rights over some gentle walks, and a nice lunch treat overlooking the castle, before we picked up the kids from school. Plans to go out on Sunday were cancelled as I felt pretty tired after the late evening (stamina of a mouse, me) and had to go for an afternoon sleep but again this gave us a good chance to chat when I was not sleeping so things worked out OK.
Hope you all are doing well, 20 days to transplant 15 to BEAM chemo and the countdown is going well according to the blood counts and tests, I will let you know if any upates on that otherwise I am going to enjoy the next days of relative health and freedom as I know the next two months are going to be a rollercoaster adventure.
Cheers
Gerry
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Little flashes of the old Gerry
Today I had a fun day, Lee called a meeting of her new company, basically myself, Steve and Lee and we worked through the business plan, projections and legal stuff to get the company up and running with the investors and the Institute she works for. It was fun for me to briefly pretend to be my old self, as I get ready for the big chemo, however it was also a good test. The meeting was pretty low stress in our kitchen, yet after two hours from 10 until 12pm, when the others left, I was back under the duvet and slept until the kids came home at 4pm. It was a good illustration to me that the mind is still willing, but the body needs a lot of kip at the moment. This is now nearly three weeks since the end of the IVE chemo but still my body is very weak, at least my white blood cell count is up now so I have some protection against infection.
In other developments my mum is coming over for the weekend and some good friends are coming for dinner with mum on Saturday after the Rugby. I am looking forward to a jolly evening with everyone as part of my "having a bit of fun" agenda ahead of the next phase of treatment. As you might expect no progress at all has been made on the decoration of the spare room or the fuel pump on the MG. I hope to get my Aston back in a few days an perhaps be well enough to take a few days out walking and driving up north (Monte Carlo was a nice thought but not realistic).
So I have twenty or so days of freedom before BEAM, half of them already taken up with medical stuff, hopefully we will be able to make the most of the remainder !
Cheers
Gerry
In other developments my mum is coming over for the weekend and some good friends are coming for dinner with mum on Saturday after the Rugby. I am looking forward to a jolly evening with everyone as part of my "having a bit of fun" agenda ahead of the next phase of treatment. As you might expect no progress at all has been made on the decoration of the spare room or the fuel pump on the MG. I hope to get my Aston back in a few days an perhaps be well enough to take a few days out walking and driving up north (Monte Carlo was a nice thought but not realistic).
So I have twenty or so days of freedom before BEAM, half of them already taken up with medical stuff, hopefully we will be able to make the most of the remainder !
Cheers
Gerry
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Huff and puff and ....go to bed for a nap !
Today was a day of tests at the hospital to check my fitness for the chemo on the 28th. I had to once again carry my urine sample tub around with me for the previous 24hrs (for a kidney function test today), then I went to the hospital for 10am and the round of tests. First up was blood samples and Hickman line maintenance (flowing nicely so no need for the John Travolta impressions of the past). Then I had to trek across the hospital to get an ECG and an ultrasound ECHO test of my heart, good news is my aorta is still fine. I was a little worried when the nurse/technician hummed kept looking for quite a long time, eventually she was happy that I did not have a hole in my heart just a thin wall between the chambers which is OK. This was followed by another trek to the respiratory checks where I found out I have "enormous lungs" normally someone my size would have 5 liter capacity but mine is 6.5 so she had to recalibrate the machine. This could be a future party line.... perhaps!. Despite big lungs my lack of red blood is still telling so I only transferred about 70% of normal oxygen to my blood which is not too bad when I consider I had less than half the normal amount of haemoglobin in my blood last week. So after 7 different tests, three waiting rooms, 5 nurses I emerged from the hospital at 1.30pm just in time to head home for a sleep, I was tired out with all the walking. I roused myself at 4 when the kids got home and set about making tea for tonight and lamb casserole for tomorrow.
Progress on the many small tasks I had intended to start, decorating the spare room, fixing the pump on the MG and some spreadsheets for Lee's business has all been pathetic, I did buy some rollers for the painting and ordered the pump/filter for the MG but other than that my energy has not been sufficient. I went to Lee's mums and set up her Internet connection on Sunday, which was fine because I was concentrating on the task, but once I got home I was straight off to bed and the next day was pretty much a write off under the duvet. That is the odd thing about my condition at times, like now as I sit in the kitchen typing this, radio on in the background, lamb bubbling on the stew, I feel just like I did before chemo - however if I try to walk a long distance (more than 0.5 mile or so) or work in a concentrated fashion, then waves of fatigue hit me and the duvet beckons. If I put my head down at any time I can sleep for 2-3 hours which I never could have done before in the afternoon.
So my concentration for the next 20 days will be twofold, firstly I need to try to walk and gently exercise to build up my strengh for the chemo, fortunately I am at the same weight I was before treatment but a bit more is fat and a bit less muscle, or hair for that matter. Secondly I want to organise some treats for me as I will be at my "peak" fitness over these two weeks, it will be downhill for a few months once BEAM starts. I was reading my classic car magazine about a nice route from Monte Carlo and I should get the Aston back at the end of this week so it may be time for a "Clarkson classic" run from Zebrugge. Perhaps I will settle for a loop around the north of Scotland with my walking boots in the boot and a run down to see my friends in the North East plus another nice night at a hotel with Lee. Unfortunately the kids school holidays fall the week after my chemo starts so a family week away seems unlikely. There is a Sunday Classic breakfast meeting in Goodwood that might make the radar.
Apart from escaping in Aston's or MG's I hope to organise some jolly dinner parties here for groups of friends at the weekends to match up with the start of the F1 season and the closing of the Rugby competition. I will keep you posted on these as they happen, calender and phone book are both out tonight to juggle these aspirations with hospital visits, school events and doctors consultations. Planning Gerry is starting to re-emerge !
Cheers
Gerry
Progress on the many small tasks I had intended to start, decorating the spare room, fixing the pump on the MG and some spreadsheets for Lee's business has all been pathetic, I did buy some rollers for the painting and ordered the pump/filter for the MG but other than that my energy has not been sufficient. I went to Lee's mums and set up her Internet connection on Sunday, which was fine because I was concentrating on the task, but once I got home I was straight off to bed and the next day was pretty much a write off under the duvet. That is the odd thing about my condition at times, like now as I sit in the kitchen typing this, radio on in the background, lamb bubbling on the stew, I feel just like I did before chemo - however if I try to walk a long distance (more than 0.5 mile or so) or work in a concentrated fashion, then waves of fatigue hit me and the duvet beckons. If I put my head down at any time I can sleep for 2-3 hours which I never could have done before in the afternoon.
So my concentration for the next 20 days will be twofold, firstly I need to try to walk and gently exercise to build up my strengh for the chemo, fortunately I am at the same weight I was before treatment but a bit more is fat and a bit less muscle, or hair for that matter. Secondly I want to organise some treats for me as I will be at my "peak" fitness over these two weeks, it will be downhill for a few months once BEAM starts. I was reading my classic car magazine about a nice route from Monte Carlo and I should get the Aston back at the end of this week so it may be time for a "Clarkson classic" run from Zebrugge. Perhaps I will settle for a loop around the north of Scotland with my walking boots in the boot and a run down to see my friends in the North East plus another nice night at a hotel with Lee. Unfortunately the kids school holidays fall the week after my chemo starts so a family week away seems unlikely. There is a Sunday Classic breakfast meeting in Goodwood that might make the radar.
Apart from escaping in Aston's or MG's I hope to organise some jolly dinner parties here for groups of friends at the weekends to match up with the start of the F1 season and the closing of the Rugby competition. I will keep you posted on these as they happen, calender and phone book are both out tonight to juggle these aspirations with hospital visits, school events and doctors consultations. Planning Gerry is starting to re-emerge !
Cheers
Gerry
Friday, March 02, 2007
US policy follows Blog
Despite the amount of abuse received by the author it seems that Condi Rice took my advice to heart, and has plans to open debate about the future of Iraqi with Syria and Iran next week, a welcome development. Fortunately no sign of assassins has been seen since my comments on the zeal of the Shia Muslim section of Iran's armed forces, despite Kenny's concerns for my safety.
Keeping on a wittering theme I have just finished Fisk's overview of the incubation of Israel and the creation of the occupied Palestinian territories. It is clear that no side in this tragic unfolding of history covered themselves in glory, and all sides have really major bad (immoral and evil) events firmly and indisputably on their side. What had not been clear to me ahead of reading about the region for the first time in some depth, and even disturbed enough to research alternate sources, is the balance of the injustice and hurt is pretty firmly on the side of the Palestinians, although they have managed to snatch defeat diplomatically from the jaws of victory many times. It is untenable that multiple UN resolutions since 1968, just as strongly worded as that set against Iraqi's invasion of Kuwait, go simply ignored by us, and Arab opinion is right to question the double standard we adopt. It is clear that the resolution of Palestine is key to stability in the region, which the UK have been pushing and the US is beginning to see.
Politics aside things are going pretty well on the medical front, next week is full of lung function testing, kidney testing and heart testing so by the end of the week I will feel a bit like a subject in a laboratory. All of this is to ensure I am strong enough to sustain the BEAM chemo and the following period of no immune system. This even included a detailed dental check up to ensure that my teeth do not abscess or flare up during the treatment, a problem I did have during the AVBD chemo over the summer, which cost me a molar. However things are looking good so far and no more transfusions have been needed to keep me above 50% of the normal red-blooded mans count.
Cooking and domestic chores are trucking along well, today's speciality was a Beef Burgenion which consumed brandy for flambe of the meat and a bottle of red wine, in the sauce not in me, but made a delicious soft dish once it had been slow cooked for about two hours. A bit of a spurt of energy may result in a coat of paint in the spare bedroom ahead of my Mums visit next weekend to check me out ahead of the big events. I shall need to turn my head to a treat ahead of the chemo, unfortunately I go into hospital just ahead of the kids Easter break so a week away is not really on the cards, I am sure we will come up with something!
Speaking of the kids things are going very well for them. Poppy has had a big role in the school play, which we saw tonight, I was careful and snuck into a front row seat so I did not have to mix in the crowd too much - but after months of rehearsal I could not miss the show and it was a really good performance. I also have a recording of her singing on the radio so she is developing a great performance CV even at 11. Holly has discovered horses and has joined the school riding club after quite a wait, she is over the moon with this new hobby and is following in Lees footsteps as Lee was a very good horse person, at University she even evented for their team. I think Holly's blend of affinity for animals and personal courage will really suit this - my only worry is for my wallet!
In a sweet moment this evening I asked Lee if I should take off my hat as we waited for the school play, as it was a bit warm, Holly piped up "Dad Poppy says you should keep your hat on as she does not want people in the school making a big deal of your cancer, and talking about it all the time". Just goes to show that the kids do discuss and debate the issues, half the proceeds of the play were going to the Maggie's center after Lee let them know about our fund raising so the school continue to be very supportive - they also have taken special care to gently support and check in with the kids, without making a big deal of it, once we wrote to them and explained the situation.
Lee has been in the depths of negotiation with her work about setting up her "spin out" company and I have been helping a bit with business plans and spreadsheets when I am feeling well enough. A couple of days near the start of the week I had great intentions, but ended up having "duvet days" rather than achieving much, but towards the end of the week my strength improved and I even had a few work interactions. I think Lee and the other folks who are involved have a really good business idea, with a very solid plan, to be honest better than a lot of the plans I discussed in my normal job, so I hope that things continue and she can get the business off the ground, things are looking good so far.
While giving part time advice to Lee I do feel guilty about not working but yet still getting paid, my colleagues and leadership constantly reassure me that I shouldn't when we talk, and protect me from the day to day stuff that is going on. I spoke today with Andy Warrender who teased me for my plan to stop myself from engaging too soon before my health was really restored, he and others have made it very clear that they want me to take the time I need to get well, and that they have plenty for me to do when I feel up to returning. We even joked about how my need for an afternoon nap would go down in some of our intensive meetings, both of us thinking that might improve the process!
The support I have had from Gore is outstanding, not just officially, which has been great, but also informally with colleagues, even retired colleagues, checking in with me and chatting on email about how I am doing, politics ( I have a US inspired alternate reading list from some friends in the states, given recent witterings, which I am determined to read to ensure balance) and just generally being supportive.
One of the most critical decision I made when I relapsed was to not try to stay connected for the duration of this treatment, and to encourage Gore to backfill my responsibilities. I felt comfortable to do that because of the trust I have for the people in the company, but it was a big step, and a lot of folks had to move fast to cover things. All I can say is thanks to those guys, but it really was necessary to enable me to concentrate on the treatment, specially when the next phase starts. Even now, although I do feel guilty about it, I know it was the right decision.
Some of you might be wondering "why was that even a hard decision?", to understand that is at the core of the very unusual situation of being a leader in our company, we try not to impose leaders and we try to ensure leaders have followers, hence if you are a successful leader then many folks are looking to you for help support and guidance - rather than orders. To let them down, even though they understand and encourage you to do it, is a big deal for me. It is no wonder that W.L.Gore & Associates (UK) Ltd has been awarded the "Best Company to Work for in the UK" award for the fourth year in a row last night in the Sunday Times awards. In danger of being a Gore bore - no doubt Kenny will have fun with that - it is a privilege to work for such a truly people oriented company.
Andy Warrender was motivated partly by my situation to raise money for the Macmillan Cancer foundation by walking to the North Pole, you can follow his story and donate to this charity if you prefer it to Maggies by going to http://www.northpole2007.com/ his decision to walk to the pole was discussed in earlier blogs as a candidate for the most radical reaction to my original diagnosis - though for Andy he heard about my situation and our close colleague Rudi's situation (his wife was diagnosed with a serious cancer but is responding well to treatment) inside days and signed up for the challenge a few days later.
So overall things are going well, my friend Gilles finally got his chemo and blood counts sorted and is off to get his stem cell transplant (from a donor so he goes to Glasgow) in the next week. We have accidently been in beds beside each other twice in the ward, and often met in the outpatients treatment centre over the last weeks. We chatted in the hospital today and we stood, shook hands, sort of formally, as we parted, it felt like two warriors heading into battle wishing each other best of luck.....
So tonight (other than world peace) I wish all the readers the best of luck in the challenges you all face as part of the adventure we all face in life, childern in sequins singing of hope, and holding on to jumping horses necks with a triumphant smile, remind us of the ups amoung the downs of that rollercoaster.
Cheers
Gerry
Keeping on a wittering theme I have just finished Fisk's overview of the incubation of Israel and the creation of the occupied Palestinian territories. It is clear that no side in this tragic unfolding of history covered themselves in glory, and all sides have really major bad (immoral and evil) events firmly and indisputably on their side. What had not been clear to me ahead of reading about the region for the first time in some depth, and even disturbed enough to research alternate sources, is the balance of the injustice and hurt is pretty firmly on the side of the Palestinians, although they have managed to snatch defeat diplomatically from the jaws of victory many times. It is untenable that multiple UN resolutions since 1968, just as strongly worded as that set against Iraqi's invasion of Kuwait, go simply ignored by us, and Arab opinion is right to question the double standard we adopt. It is clear that the resolution of Palestine is key to stability in the region, which the UK have been pushing and the US is beginning to see.
Politics aside things are going pretty well on the medical front, next week is full of lung function testing, kidney testing and heart testing so by the end of the week I will feel a bit like a subject in a laboratory. All of this is to ensure I am strong enough to sustain the BEAM chemo and the following period of no immune system. This even included a detailed dental check up to ensure that my teeth do not abscess or flare up during the treatment, a problem I did have during the AVBD chemo over the summer, which cost me a molar. However things are looking good so far and no more transfusions have been needed to keep me above 50% of the normal red-blooded mans count.
Cooking and domestic chores are trucking along well, today's speciality was a Beef Burgenion which consumed brandy for flambe of the meat and a bottle of red wine, in the sauce not in me, but made a delicious soft dish once it had been slow cooked for about two hours. A bit of a spurt of energy may result in a coat of paint in the spare bedroom ahead of my Mums visit next weekend to check me out ahead of the big events. I shall need to turn my head to a treat ahead of the chemo, unfortunately I go into hospital just ahead of the kids Easter break so a week away is not really on the cards, I am sure we will come up with something!
Speaking of the kids things are going very well for them. Poppy has had a big role in the school play, which we saw tonight, I was careful and snuck into a front row seat so I did not have to mix in the crowd too much - but after months of rehearsal I could not miss the show and it was a really good performance. I also have a recording of her singing on the radio so she is developing a great performance CV even at 11. Holly has discovered horses and has joined the school riding club after quite a wait, she is over the moon with this new hobby and is following in Lees footsteps as Lee was a very good horse person, at University she even evented for their team. I think Holly's blend of affinity for animals and personal courage will really suit this - my only worry is for my wallet!
In a sweet moment this evening I asked Lee if I should take off my hat as we waited for the school play, as it was a bit warm, Holly piped up "Dad Poppy says you should keep your hat on as she does not want people in the school making a big deal of your cancer, and talking about it all the time". Just goes to show that the kids do discuss and debate the issues, half the proceeds of the play were going to the Maggie's center after Lee let them know about our fund raising so the school continue to be very supportive - they also have taken special care to gently support and check in with the kids, without making a big deal of it, once we wrote to them and explained the situation.
Lee has been in the depths of negotiation with her work about setting up her "spin out" company and I have been helping a bit with business plans and spreadsheets when I am feeling well enough. A couple of days near the start of the week I had great intentions, but ended up having "duvet days" rather than achieving much, but towards the end of the week my strength improved and I even had a few work interactions. I think Lee and the other folks who are involved have a really good business idea, with a very solid plan, to be honest better than a lot of the plans I discussed in my normal job, so I hope that things continue and she can get the business off the ground, things are looking good so far.
While giving part time advice to Lee I do feel guilty about not working but yet still getting paid, my colleagues and leadership constantly reassure me that I shouldn't when we talk, and protect me from the day to day stuff that is going on. I spoke today with Andy Warrender who teased me for my plan to stop myself from engaging too soon before my health was really restored, he and others have made it very clear that they want me to take the time I need to get well, and that they have plenty for me to do when I feel up to returning. We even joked about how my need for an afternoon nap would go down in some of our intensive meetings, both of us thinking that might improve the process!
The support I have had from Gore is outstanding, not just officially, which has been great, but also informally with colleagues, even retired colleagues, checking in with me and chatting on email about how I am doing, politics ( I have a US inspired alternate reading list from some friends in the states, given recent witterings, which I am determined to read to ensure balance) and just generally being supportive.
One of the most critical decision I made when I relapsed was to not try to stay connected for the duration of this treatment, and to encourage Gore to backfill my responsibilities. I felt comfortable to do that because of the trust I have for the people in the company, but it was a big step, and a lot of folks had to move fast to cover things. All I can say is thanks to those guys, but it really was necessary to enable me to concentrate on the treatment, specially when the next phase starts. Even now, although I do feel guilty about it, I know it was the right decision.
Some of you might be wondering "why was that even a hard decision?", to understand that is at the core of the very unusual situation of being a leader in our company, we try not to impose leaders and we try to ensure leaders have followers, hence if you are a successful leader then many folks are looking to you for help support and guidance - rather than orders. To let them down, even though they understand and encourage you to do it, is a big deal for me. It is no wonder that W.L.Gore & Associates (UK) Ltd has been awarded the "Best Company to Work for in the UK" award for the fourth year in a row last night in the Sunday Times awards. In danger of being a Gore bore - no doubt Kenny will have fun with that - it is a privilege to work for such a truly people oriented company.
Andy Warrender was motivated partly by my situation to raise money for the Macmillan Cancer foundation by walking to the North Pole, you can follow his story and donate to this charity if you prefer it to Maggies by going to http://www.northpole2007.com/ his decision to walk to the pole was discussed in earlier blogs as a candidate for the most radical reaction to my original diagnosis - though for Andy he heard about my situation and our close colleague Rudi's situation (his wife was diagnosed with a serious cancer but is responding well to treatment) inside days and signed up for the challenge a few days later.
So overall things are going well, my friend Gilles finally got his chemo and blood counts sorted and is off to get his stem cell transplant (from a donor so he goes to Glasgow) in the next week. We have accidently been in beds beside each other twice in the ward, and often met in the outpatients treatment centre over the last weeks. We chatted in the hospital today and we stood, shook hands, sort of formally, as we parted, it felt like two warriors heading into battle wishing each other best of luck.....
So tonight (other than world peace) I wish all the readers the best of luck in the challenges you all face as part of the adventure we all face in life, childern in sequins singing of hope, and holding on to jumping horses necks with a triumphant smile, remind us of the ups amoung the downs of that rollercoaster.
Cheers
Gerry
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