Wobbling into the zone

Today has been an odd sort of day, not one of the cheerful type which has been typical of this blog so far. Getting my head together for the next chemo has been harder than expected mostly due to a fear of needles and getting a good line in. I went for the blood samples today and the nurse at the local doctors went right through one vein and then pretty comprehensively messed around with a second before getting the flow right. It may sound silly to you but the number of samples I have had taken over the last few weeks means good veins are in short supply, once they are blown out in this way they cannot be used again for 3 weeks or so. Leaky veins are no good for chemo as the chemicals cause real damage if they get into tissue in the concentrated form. The alternative is to have a line implanted in my chest however that in itself is another source of infection and needs a lot of maintenance so I prefer not to go down that path. I will be glad when someone invents the local anesthetic chapstick to numb the skin and a vein seeking imager so that folks do not miss so much. Its funny that Lance Armstrong also said that emotionally its all the invasions and needles that get to you more than the "big stuff".

So that has disturbed my harmony a bit this morning, it added to some bad news last night when I heard that Caity who posts on the Hodgkins board has died. That brought home firmly the reality of the 10 percent who end up on the wrong side of the line. The board is packed with good advice and really encouraging stories are by far the majority. What is amazing is the number of folks who go undiagnosed for so long. http://forums.webmagic.com/ubbthreads/postlist.php?Cat=0&Board=UBB1&page=0

So after the doctors I must confess I crawled under the duvet for a bit feeling sorry for myself, but then gave myself a good talking to, and now after breakfast and coffee am going to go for a run and some meditation to get it back together.

I got some nice CD's from my aunt and uncle including my favorite Puccini's great arias which is loading into my Ipod as I type, that should be good for the hospital tomorrow along with my meditation recordings.

Mum is due in tonight, it will be good to catch up with her and chat properly. When I was young I spent a lot of time in hospital and I always remember she would be there when I was put to sleep and when I woke up, every time, no matter how poorly or sick I was. When she found out about Hodgkins she wanted to come with me to the hospital for one of the chemos, Lee went for the first one and now mum is coming for the second, although the chemo is actually pretty boring (one they get a good line in) its kind of a ritual for both of us and I am glad we are doing it.

So that's sort of worked my bad mood out a bit on the keyboard, and I am feeling better now, time for a run in the fresh air and tia chi to build up the good mood before some work calls this afternoon.

Cheers

Gerry

PS I managed to change the settings so you do not have to join to make comments, hope it works, also worked out how to do photos as you can see below.