Nest building in the phoney war

We are in a funny situation right now, I still feel fine, yet we know I am going to get this horrible treatment, at least that should be confirmed on Thursday. So I can still go to work, have a beer, go out to dinner, and do domestic stuff, until I get the next consultation and hopefully soon after a firm timetable for the treatment. The reason for the short delay is that the doctors wanted to check some more on the PET scan results around my liver and thymus with the real experts in London (if they are false positives, which is most likely, that is good, if they are real hot spots that is bad as it means the cancer is outside the lymph nodes). The additional reason is that the top haematology consultant in the cancer center, Dr Davis, is in New York at a conference until tomorrow, lets hope he is learning about great new ways to deal with my situation.

So in the meantime I am concentrating on two fronts, getting rid of my job and sorting out the house ready for the next few months. I have made the big decision this time to cut the ties with work much more firmly than the last time, all I have read over the weekend has indicated that I am going to be very sick and will not have the mindspace to worry about work stuff - and I am a bit fussy about my work so I would try not to let people down. I found a good blog from a woman in the USA who when through the same treatment and blogged it pretty much day by day http://journeytobabeland.blogspot.com/ this and other similar blogs has helped me get my head around how sick I will be - and that once you bear it you can be all right. The other thing I found was a good summary of the medical side of the stem cell treatment on http://www.cigna.com/health/provider/medical/procedural/coverage_positions/medical/mm_0188_coveragepositioncriteria_stem_cell_transplant_hodgkins_disease.pdf
this is an insurance company webpage so it is a bit more negative on stats but has a good overview. Finally for those of you who like myself have been bombarded by stories of alternative cures, or causes for cancer the very well organised Quackwatch website is a source of apparently balanced information.

Given the focus needed to get the mental side of things right, and to be honest the difficulty I have had in trying to work over the last few weeks, I decided to talk to the leaders of the division yesterday and formally disengage from work for the next 5 or 6 months. They were super supportive as they have always been from the start and will now start a process to get someone else to do the elements of my job, so I do not need to worry about this dimension. At my suggestion when I return I will return to a different commitment - in fact we have a lot of really good strategy options and challenges which are just starting to emerge, and I would be well suited to those, so I think this is a good opportunity to take a break and make a bit of a change. I know I would worry about the job too much if they just held it open for me so I think this is a really good way for me to concentrate on the main task at hand. It will also challenge some colleagues to stretch into all or parts of my role which will be really good for them.

So my plan now is to take some vacation time up to the start of the treatment, apart from a few phone calls to help with the transition, and to concentrate on nest building, keeping fit, eating well and resting well ahead of the ordeal - I may have the odd night out with too much beer occasionally, as compared to the damage the chemo will do a night out will be a walk in the park.

On the nest building front we are getting the carpets fitted to the hall and the new rooms upstairs today and tomorrow, so I should be able to have my study with computers, phones, music and TV all set up over the weekend - this can be my retreat when I am well enough to be home and recuperating. I have about half of the West Wing and all of the Sopranos to fall back on for entertainment. On the spiritual side I have dug out my old Tai Chi manuals and videos along with some Chi gung exercises guides that lees mum gave me to start into a proper daily meditation routine. The new study has 10ft glass window along one side so is a great airy space for that sort of thing, with great light and connection to the sky.

Lee has also gone for the classic trick of finding the front room drab in comparison to the newly painted hall, study and kitchen so you guessed it we (ie the painter Graham) is starting on the front room tomorrow as well. So we all have been moving furniture all night, seems weird to be doing this and yet the doctors telling me I am really unwell, I still feel very few symptoms just a bit of discomfort from time to time in my chest. So its all a big rush up to Christmas and the presumed start of treatment just after, it will be good to get the timetable clear and the path fully confirmed.

Hopefully we will find out more about the treatment and the timing on Thursday, if it starts after Christmas we have a trip to Ireland planned just before Christmas and a nice Christmas in our newly sorted out home organising TVs, networks and stereos systems on my side, basically playing with the boys toys. Quite a few friends are around so I think we may have a pretty sociable time. However if the doctors say the slot is before Christmas we will just have to go with the flow I guess.

As always I will keep you all posted here.

Regards

Gerry