Friday, February 16, 2007

PET Scan Clean

Significant events for today are firstly Dr Scott called in to say the PET scan, which can tell the difference between "live" cancer and residual scar tissue has come back completely clean, no hot spots or concentrations of cancer can now be detected in my body.

There may be a cell here or there which is why we still need to stay the course and finish this chemo and suffer the beam chemo. This reduces my chance of relapse from 60 percent to 10-20 percent which seems worth the pain of the treatment. However the key thing is the "mini me" cancer, is well and truly taking a kicking and Dr Scott and the other poison wizards are winning the battle of chemistry in my body, leaving me just to manage the emotions and side effects which are the main content of this blog, but which are a sideshow to the real battle of chemo vs cancer vs body.

Our luck is running well this week, and more and more I realise that it is luck as I see other folks I am being treated with fall at different hurdles, one could not get stems cells this week and two others cannot get their blood counts up after chemo 1 to get chemo 2, another they have just told they cannot do anything more for, other than make him comfortable. They eat well, have good attitudes and supportive families, but their chemistry did not work out - there is no other good reason why I am charging on and they are still in the limbo.

So my reflection is that the work I have done to have a positive attitude is important to help myself, family and friends deal with this situation - as people take their cue from my attitude. And it has really helped me mentally to be going through my diet, eating and blogging routines - keeping things as normal as possible at home for the kids, and allowing ourselves the odd glass of wine or treat in a spa hotel. All these things help us get through the days of treatment and recovery with some good measure of happiness and warmth in the stress and emotion. None of these things however are really part of the core battle for the chemistry of my blood and lymph nodes, in this battle the skill of the dark arts wizards, the legacy of the massive amount of Cancer Research, and the pure blind luck of life, are the key things dictating the actual future of my cancer. Which dictates the future of my life.

I mention this now as sometimes I think cancer patients are told that they will be all right because they have a good attitude, then if they are not all right they can question did they themselves try hard enough, eat enough veg, take enough supplements, do enough yoga - essentially feeling that the failure of their treatment is a failure of theirs. I feel this can put a lot of pressure on those who do fall by the wayside. Its better just to be supportive good friends and "wish the best" just in case your friend is one of the ones who falls at a hurdle, relapses (as I did), or has to face the news as millions do that "there is nothing more to be done", Then they can face that situation without feeling they are letting folks down, but just that their luck went that way.

There is something very humbling about being in the ward here and seeing so many folk in such tough spots, still dealing with it with humour and compassion. It makes me realise we will all die and that it is a natural part of life, eventually the luck runs out, and we can only hope it is after a life we can smile back at and the end itself is not too difficult.

I guess it must be funny for me to be blogging in such dark territory on what is a happy day for us and a great result, in my head I was prepared for good results and bad results and so in letting go my mental preparation for bad results I wanted to share where my thoughts had got to in case it was of any use to you in the future. I also wanted to get some of these thoughts, which we had discussed but not typed, on the blog record to remind me of them later and to make the most of sunny days and warm friendships in the future.

So enjoy your happy times, have a glass with good friends or pursue a dream, the clock of luck is ticking for all of us and looks to be heading to giving me another chance, with a tough time in between, keeping fingers crossed as always.

Heres to second (or third) chances


Cheers

Gerry

3 comments:

Kenny E said...

First there was Gerry. He evolved into Party Gerry. Then there was Mini Gerry. Now, there's humble Gerry. I'm looking forward to meeting that one!

Anyway, something for the weekend, sir:
'The more clearly we see the reality of the world, the better equipped we are to deal with the world. The less clearly we see the reality of the world (the more our minds are befuddled by falsehood, misperceptions and illusions) the less able we will be to determine correct courses of action and make wise decisions. Our view of reality is like a map with which to negotiate the terrain of life. If the map is true and accurate, we will generally know where we are, and if we have decided where we want to go, we will generally know how to get there. If the map is false and inaccurate, we generally will be lost.'
- M Scott Peck

Gerry Mulligan said...

The chance of humble Gerry lasting very long are small (hows that for a reality check). I hope to regress to Party Gerry as quickly as possible after treatment, with a bit of exercise Gerry thrown in, along with chilled out Gerry (work can now only be "a problem" not "a crisis" after this !

Never heard of Peck before so off to google to find out more.

Cheers

Gerry

Gerry Mulligan said...

Got him, author of The road Less Travelled, my uncle has sent me a copy to read so I will catch up on his writing after I am through Fisk !