The Matador of bone marrow

It seems like my big dive will be precipitated by a drug called Melphalan which you can find out more about on http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Treatments/Chemotherapy/Individualdrugs/Melphalan I have a protocol for its application tomorrow which has 12 steps with lots of checks and balances to ensure that the drug is heavily diluted when it goes through the kidneys so pre and post hydration are critical and nausea is a pretty common issue. This is the drug which matador like, finishes off my by now stunned and swaying bone marrow with a sharp cut, from then on the blood counts will go into free fall only to be caught by the stem cells, introduced on Thursday once the drug is clear of my system, digging in and building me up some new blood. In between transfusions, drugs and isolation are the things are keeping me going over the gap, this may also include IV feeding. So (a) I am a bit nervous (actually petrified to be honest) and (b) deputy blogger may be shutting down visits and blogging in my place occasionally for about 10 days from tomorrow. Like all chemo it may take a few days to kick in as the existing blood takes time to deplete and then is not replaced until the stems cut in. I was eating a bit of Easter egg today and the nurse said "you've started early" I said "I'm getting Melphalan tomorrow" she quipped "I'd eat the rest today then.....!"

So I am trying to type away my nervousness while half watching the gadget show and waiting for Nick to arrive for a chat.

Nick and Lee have been and gone in between paragraphs there and I feel fortified by an illicit coffee, some chocolate and good chats with both about my fears and apprehensions, both Lees business start up and Nicks well established business are going well just now so we talked over tactics and options for both over the visit. As usual I admonish Nick that he only has so much working life left so he should extend himself further, he is quite cautious which is often a good thing, but sometimes stands in the way of opportunity. Easy for me to say its not my time and my money, but I think our chats help reflect to Nick and outside or longer term view.

We once went to work together in Russia for a few days on a consulting job, in the midwinter, and had any number of scrapes and close calls in a few days including a drunken mafia boss chopping of the top of a bottle of vodka and insisting "drink with me". Turned out he was Chechen so as I was Irish we were "revolutionary brothers". Fantastic country, wonderful cultured people, incredibly crap government at the time 1995, so the poverty was amazing. One of the good things we concluded from that adventure was that we were firm friends but best stay out of each others businesses and so it has stayed - free discussion and advice in the pub both ways but no joint ventures. Mostly because good friends are hard to find and spoiling that with the up and downs and tensions of working together can be unwise. And so it has been ever since.

Anyway the memories of winter in Russia have cheered me up, Lee is going to come in tomorrow before the bone marrow matador makes its appearance so I think I will use my mediation tapes tonight to try to get some positive visualisation of the matador getting the final few cells of the cancer before the stem cell cavalry sweep over the hill bugles baying!

Cheers

Gerry