The value of things.....

evening bloggers

Today is day +5 and G was feeling really tired and looked v. pale when I saw him at the hospital. We got him some more painkillers as his guts are still causing him a lot of discomfort and we did some controlled breathing excercises to help him get through the spasms, (not as daft as it sounds as any of the sisterhood will vouch for, one of the more useful tips from ante-natal classes!).

He is dreaming of getting home, eating good food, hiding under the duvet up in Capomaestro towers and checking up on the bluesmobile and the MG safely tucked up in their garages. We had a good chat today, I miss talking to G, just about all the things.

Today I felt a bit better as I had been feeling a little low at the weekend, worried about G, stressed about the usual rubbish at work, business hastles and just a bit tired I think with the relentlessness of it all.....so I decided to go on a long walk to the hospital via the water of Leith on Monday to visit G and get some Monster training in. Marie (Odrian and Jim's daughter) kindly watched the children for me and I really enjoyed just being on my own for a while. I find the walking or biking that we are all doing for the Monster training a great de-stresser. I am beginning to feel a bit like Forrest Gump you just start walking and don't want to stop... except for a decent cup of coffee and chocolate cake of course. Bumped into Tim (the Maestro of Capomaestro) on route to Balerno on the bike and discovered he is a closet radio 4 listener (nothing wrong with that..I have been addicted for years and always have it on in the kitchen at home unless Melvin Bragg or Ned Sherrin are on then it gets switched off). Anyway, it was good to see him, he cheered me up and we discussed a few Monstrous tactics and routes over the Pentlands. Tim, being a rather extreme person, has done some serious training for this event which involves cycling out to Flotterstone and then hiking over the 5 peaks in the Pentlands....

Thanks to everyone who has sponsored us so far...my sister Dot just sent down a large cheque for our fundraising as she has sold beautiful blanket boxes that she has made. She and Gordon also did a prayer for G at the Sacre Coeur in Montmartre in Paris.

Today I cycled to Balerno via the canal towpath, then swapping to the Water of Leith and then back into town via the water of Leith to G's hospital. It is a lovely route through Juniper Green and Colinton then through Saughton (prison on one side and cemetry and allotments on the other) past Murrayfied stadium where they host the rugby internationals, along by the modern Art Gallery and Dean village, through Stockbridge (good coffee shops!) and then through Inverleith park and to the hospital. Today I was thinking about time and how we fill our days, how time can be like elastic or gone in an instant and whether we waste time or not. I think we all fill our days with too many things and then you do not really appreciate any of the things you are doing.

G and I had a great time in Hong Kong with the kids when we lived there a few years ago, I really enjoyed not having my life planned out and having the freedom to do some new things. I remember spending all day at a fish market in Aberdeen (HK) getting some shots for my photography assignment that week for my class (which I absolutely loved) this was elastic time and it is stuck in my head.

As we haven't had a poem for a while here is one for G tonight; my mother sent it to me in a time of need:

The invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for , and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrows, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Oriah Mountian Dreamer



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