The Second end of Gerryscancerdiary

Seems like we have been here before on August 20th 2006 when I rather prematurely announced the first end of gerryscancerdiary, little was I to know that only three months later I would be facing a doctor and "we've got a problem", the problem being as you all now know that the usually successful treatment did not work. That was a real kick in the face, of the type you do not want too many of in any one lifetime, and came with a 40 percent survival tag that I did not like one bit as that moved me from the "probably be all right" team to the "probably will not be all right" team, so some dark days followed.

The dark days were tougher because all I learnt about the treatment was pretty scary. Having already been sick on and off for a year, I thought it was fair and necessary for me to give up my current jobs at Gore, so the teams would not be leaderless for a further year and so I could concentrate all my energy on the treatment. In essence while the first treatment I tackled as an inconvenience, which I could work through and be out of pretty fast, this next treatment was going to take all of my focus and even then was a 50/50 deal. Even if I got out the other side the damage to my body could be considerable and reasonably long lasting.


What a change since then....


In reality colleagues picked up the work at Gore smoothly and have grown and developed as a result, we buckled down mentally in our own ways, Lee used the statistically most successful strategy of denial and distraction with the Monster bike and hike and starting her business. I once again developed an obsessive interest in the treatment I was going to receive and the stories of other bloggers who had been through the same thing, the "full immersion" technique which studies show is the second most promising strategy after denial.


Once I got into the treatment I had researched the side effects and symptoms and coping strategies so well that I had a really "bring it on" head on, somewhat deflated when on the first day there was a problem with the chemo so I was sent home for dinner! Never the less the treatment was pretty ugly, but my experience was very much more positive than many of the others who were in with me, and I got through, partly because I was expecting much worse. I felt so relieved when my transplanted immune system started to work and I could escape home to warm soup and comfort in my "den" upstairs. I nearly broke the record for getting out of hospital and was determined to push myself to get better.

At this stage I could do a lot with food, walking, exercising and resting well to help my body recover and prevent dangerous infections. I was lucky that this worked out well, and I had some good advice and support from the hospital and friends on how hard to push. Fortunately I continued to surprise the doctors in a positive way, and now following a clear scan, which we waited for with some nervousness as you can tell from the post a few days ago. So now all is well, I have negotiated, mostly through good progress on the fitness front, the doctors back from October to the end of August to restart work and am keen to get back to the interesting work and many friends I have in Gore. Until my next scan in a year or so I am free to live life normally for a change, avoiding exotic infections and places with poor hospitals for a year being part of the deal.

We have a week in Ireland still to come before the start back, me to work and Poppy to senior school. I shall miss elements of being at home, specially the way I have become much more integrated into the kids life over the summer, but in all honesty I am happy to hang up my cooks apron, skip the solitary training in the gym, and put away the vacuum cleaner, with few regrets. I will need to work out how to fit some pretty solid exercise routine into my working day, the lunchtime running club may have a new recruit at the plant.

So once again, and hopefully for the last time, I would like to thank all of our friends, family and colleagues who have managed to make our cancer experience a journey of discovery, friendship, warmth, support and even quite a bit of fun at times. I have no idea why I am here and seemingly recovered, while so many are still sick or worse, though luck and chemistry has much more to do with it than attitude or any merit on my part. Those latter things help folk cope, which is really important, but have minimal or no effect on the outcome. Sadly the biggest learning is that sometimes the bullet has your name on it and sometimes it doesn't. Equally I do not know, as you all do not know, how my health will be in future years. All the poisons and chemicals and radiation basically half my life expectancy, but that's just an average, and a lot of folk fully recover. I think I will stack the odds in my favour with exercise etc while still having fun as much as possible in the meantime, just in case.

So as I get out my calender and think about holidays, car shows, weekends away and treats - things which have been out of my mind for a long time, I hope you also check the balance of your own time, sometimes you get a second chance, as I have, but sometimes your time is up, use it wisely.

As the point of this blog was to communicate with family and friends efficiently during my treatment, saving the repetition and phone calls so that a relatively normal life could be lived between treatments, and as the treatment is successful, this should be my last post on the blog while I continue to be healthy. Part of returning to normal life is returning to normal communication channels so I will have to learn to phone and email again one on one. That will be good too.

So hopefully, there it is, the end once again. I thank you all again and I wish you all once again every blessing in the world, and the strength to deal with the adversity that life will throw your way with good humour and perspective.

Cheers

Gerry