Web cam surfing

Here is a picture from my webcam now that I have managed to stay awake long enough to load Skype, I discovered I could do videoconferencing for free with my sister in Ireland, as well as free calls. Quality is not too bad only thing is she is the only one I know who is on Skype......no doubt some of you will correct me on that. The key thing is this enables me to video conference between hospital and home when I have my six weeks of isolation which could be a real help.

On the medical front things are still pretty much as this morning going along quite well with some fatigue. I am off to hospital for Hickman line maintenance etc tomorrow, stems cell removal next Monday and the following week I have critical scans set for Monday (CAT) and Tuesday in Aberdeen(PET). Then we have hopefully the "big" consultation and start of chemo 3 on the Thursday 15th ( thats the go/no go one for stem cell chemo to follow chemo 3 as long as the results of the scans are processed and available). Thats when I should get the target date for stem cell transplant itself.

So timetable in place, things are rolling along, I am feeling postive about progress and how I was able to handle/lucky with chemo 2.

Cheers

Gerry

A happy memory

Peter sent this from Calgary where he is working, on this day we are on a bit of water near loch Rannoch and the mountain in the background is Schallion, which we were to climb the next day walking back as far as this lake for a few pints. Jim, of Jim and Sarah blogging fame, is up front. A fantastic summer day when we all caught some trout (even better as mine was a verified 3lb trout, which we all, including the kids, ate fresh cooked from the lake, with butter and lemon).

So far today the incredible zombie sleep need, which made it difficult to finish a sentence yesterday, has passed over, and I am just normal double jet lag sleepy and no other issues. Even the much feared deep bone pain has not yet materialised despite double growth factor injections mixed up by deputy blogger and self injected to my tummy.

My project for the day is to make a lasagna, with the right mix of ricotta and motezrella cheese no less. I will have a wee rest before I think about this having quickly power washed the cars this morning (girls don't understand salt). A good memory and so far a good day. Hopefully I will sort out photoshop this week, then I have skipe and video conferencing to play with as pottering projects between my sleeps!

Have a good one where ever you are, and remember take your vacations they have a big proportion of the good memories that you rely on in times of trouble!

Cheers

Gerry

Duvet World

I made it safely home from the hospital yesterday and chemo 2 has continued to be pretty smooth, I think I had so many antibiotics and antiviral medicines that there are no bugs left in me or on me to cause any trouble. Deputy blogger has rigged up my own bathroom and is washing kids and visitors with vigor in order to keep me infection free for the run up to stem cell harvesting on Monday. However although there are no bug induced side effects the main chemo side effect is profound and really deep fatigue. After about 10min of getting out of bed I am ready to go back, hug my duvet, and drift off into a half sleep, half dream, world while all the busyness of the world passes me by. Today I managed to get up for breakfast (weetabix, cheese scone, carrot smoothie), get up for a late lunch (two bowls of spinach and nutmeg soup, wild berry smoothie) and write this - now I am going back to bed because I am pausing just looking at the screen. Its great, really great, to be home - I was in a ward this time with some poor guys who had later stage terminal illness and it got me down a bit, just too close to the bone so to speak.

At home I feel positive and ready to inject myself with growth factor tonight and start "them bones, them bones" stage of the treatment as my bones will probably hurt with the pressure of growning the stem cells for a week. Ho hum at least there the rugby to look forward to at the weekend. Scotland/England on Saturday (KO 4pm boys invited) and Ireland/Wales on Sunday should keep me amused!

Cheers

Gerry

Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps please....

Good evening bloggers. G has had a much better run with chemo 2 compared with chemo 1 I am pleased to report and he has texted me each day with his "order" for when I go and visit. Today's txt was for an overripe avocado and a bottle of champagne! I did check on the champagne order as I wasn't sure matron would appove, however G explained that the champagne was for another inmate of ward 8 Paul who is getting married to Jane tommorrow in the hospital. G has been invited so hopes he will be disconnected fom the chemo machine for the occasion. Paul and Jane were delighted with the champagne and chocolates and we wish them all the best of luck for tommorrow and beyond.

We have had a busy week with G being in hospital and I would like to thank Nikki, Judith, Marie, Odrian and Sarah for helping to look after the girls allowing me to get into the hospital via Waitrose with all the "orders" for ward 8! Sarah and I did enjoy a spontaneous bottle of cava together on Saturday night and did lots of good plotting for treats to keep us all going over the coming weeks. She is planning a night out on Friday with some wine tasting thrown in and I hope my sister Dot can join us as she is coming down to check up on the Mulligans and have an overnight stay in our new loft appartment!

As G was in hospital I did have some fun with the bluesmobile this week and took it for a spin down to Dumfries via Moffat for a work meeting, got it into the red a couple of times...yeehah
what fun. Holly and I had a trip to Gleneagles to visit my niece Megan who is working at the horse riding centre, we had a great time horse riding and a gorgeous lunch at the hotel.

Went to the Maggies centre on Tuesday evening to get more info for the Monster challenge and met a few people who had done it last year which was useful. Despite the fact that they said it was a really tough challenge, they all had a fab time and were signing up again this year. I was really floored when I saw Tim (the creator of our gorgeous new house) there, he and his friend are going to join the Monster team. G and I were really touched by his gesture so thank you Tim this means a lot to us! Indeed the Monster team has expanded somewhat from last week we now have me, Lorna, Jim, Duncan, Tim, Alex, Kevin, Jonathan, Alex and Ian with Avril and Ian as chief support team with a few others now that "Gerrys Blog Team" has expanded somewhat. So a huge thank you to all of you and training has now begun in earnest! I am going out for an hour a day just walking and jogging a little to get my baseline fittness up. Lorna (who has a personal trainer....get her!) is taking me for a 9 mile hike along part of the Southern Upland way on Sunday and has some quite scary plans for mountain bike training. I am following Ian's more minimal advice which was "just do it". We are also looking into accommodation and R&R in Fort William and Inverness as it is likely to get quite booked up...so team meeting this week to try and get all that sorted out.

Fundaising efforts have started in earnest and Poppy's school are going to donate their collection after the junior school drama production to the Monster. The children are also planning a fashion show and a concert. Holly (the cooker) wants to do a recipe book to sell to "people who like eating". The theme for Holly's book is Comfort food, so we would like you all to donate recipes of indulgence and comfort and any stories about the recipes to us and we will put them together in a book to raise funds for the Monster. To get the ball rolling, and as I am a girl who likes eating here is a wonderful recipe from the American deep South brought to our attention by the gorgeous and delectable Nigella Lawson:

Ham in Coca Cola

2kg mild-cure gammon
2 litres of coca cola (the full fat version)
1 onion
100g breadcrumbs
100g dark muscovado sugar
1 table spoon of mustard
2 table spoons dijon mustard
2 tables spoons of coca cola

Put gammon in pan add chopped onion, pour over the coke bring to the boil then simmer gently with lid on for 2-2 1/2 hrs. Mix breadcrumbs, sugar and mustards to a thick paste using the coke. When the ham has cooked paste on the mustardy crust and put in the oven (210 C gas mark 7) for 10-15 mins until the crust is just set. Serve with floury buttered potatoes some crunchy green vegetables and a glass of ice cold coke. The stock from the ham can be used to make South beach black bean soup, add 500g beans to the liquid, 250mls of water and the juice and zest of a lime and puree and more lime to taste and freshly chopped coriander.

Sarah and I have tried this recipe before and it is truly indulgent and delicious.

So do send in any recipes and we shall enjoy testing them out here to give us energy for all this Monster training!

G should be released tommorrow, hooray! So we just have to make sure he is infection free for the next week at least prior to the stem cell harvest on Monday.

Music for tonight was "Someone like you" by Van Morrison. Good luck to Paul and Jane for tommorrow and hope you all have a good week.

Deputy Blogger

More Ugly than usual

Day 2 of chemo and all is going well here in the western general this is a poor camera photo of me in my hospital bed with the baldy haircut tubes carefully hidden under my T-shirt. The day has gone well just passing the time with emails and texts, watched a couple of football matches and a Star Trek movie.

Thankfully other than being very very sleepy this morning I have no bad side effects like last time so I am keeping my fingers crossed and my hands sterilised. One more day of chemo and half a day of follow up drips and I may be out by Monday if all goes well. I will try to get a better picture now I have worked out how to blog with pictures!

Cheers

Gerry

Horses and courses

Holly had a day off school today and Lee took her to see her cousin Megan who is working in the stables at Gleneagles for a horse ride ! She was really thrilled and called in to the hospital (after decontamination, hand washing etc) to tell me all about it on the way home with Lee which was really sweet. She had an accidental jump and an intentional fast trot, I can see this being an expensive hobby, but it really suits her adventurous, physically brave and outdoor nature. Paradoxically she is also the big computer gamer in the house really applying focus, concentration and problem solving to the games, plus a lot of determination. I find it interesting to see the individual charachters of the girls evolve and emerge in clear themes, not really controlled by us, but by their own individual personality.

One of the chaps in the ward, Paul, has decided to get married to his long term partner in the hospital chapel, perhaps we will get to go, wheeling our chemo machines beside us when I am next in ! He had ministers and officials visiting him today to sort out the legal stuff which was a change on the normal ward activities. Paul had a stem cell replacement seven years ago which cured his lymphoma, but unfortunately now has leukemia which is one of the risks of this high strength treatment. He got through the treatment OK although he found the six weeks in hospital very boring, then had seven good years of health and is now sixty eight so he sees the original treatment as a good thing giving him that good quality time despite the eventual problem.

Chemo 2 is going pretty well, but then it went pretty well for the first day the last time so lets see how I feel tomorrow, I am optimistic and positive about the treatment as I found out today that my virus screen is clear for the stem cell extraction and my blood counts are good so I am well set up, all I need to do is really stay infection free for the next 10 days till they get the stem cells out. Talking through the timing of the next steps it seems that I may be just getting out of hospital when the monster challenge is happening, so its touch and go if I will be able to be in the support team I may be home in bed.

Series 2 of the sopranos has been entertaining me (when Holly and Lee were not her) this afternoon, I think Saving Private Ryan may be on the menu for the evening. I hope you all are well and having a beer after a busy week, have mine for me I do miss a jolly night out with friends - hopefully in two or three months I can gently join in again.

All's well on the chemo course and holly is still smiling from the horse.

Cheers

Gerry

Mobile Blogging from ward 8

A technological breakthrough in the form of a mobile telephone card attached to my computer now allows me to have internet access while in hospital. As I have two weeks in during this chemo, and then six weeks or so in isolation for the stem cell transplant I treated myself to the card so I can surf the net while stuck here. There are a lot of things I want to learn about running a small business to help Lee with her start up, most of which is available on the web and I will try to find out how to do more interesting things with the blog - like post pictures of "Gerry's monk look with plumbing attached" etc.

At the moment I have been admitted to the hospital, blood samples taken, and sorted out my home for the next 4-7 days. Soparanos, west wing and lost are lined up for video entertainment along with the full Godfather films and Die Hard, the latter if I am needing mindless distraction depending on side effects. Lee has gone down to Dumfries today for a meeting after we had coffee together and good luck hugs, it is a beautiful bright sunny winter day and the road to Dumfries is a fantastic combination of rivers, moors, forests and mountians with a wide sweeping road. I used to commute up this road when I lived in Dumfries and had the Porsche 911 so I persuaded Lee to take the Aston Martin. I was pretty jealous on one hand but pleased to see the car used as it was intended for relaxed open road cruising.

Yesterday and on Sunday I did manage a few phone calls for work, the guys in my team have chosen a new leader, David Hopkins, and reorganised their work to adjust to me moving on, they phoned me to get some advice and to run the new plan past me which was very nice of them. They have come up with a good plan forward and I was able to wish them well with the new organisation. That helps me concentrate now on getting through this treatment and getting well again before I have to think about working which is a real relief. Sometimes I fuss and worry too much about letting the team down (though all they have ever been is supportive and asked me to take it easy) so changing roles and coming back to something else is a good part of the plan. I am quite looking forward to, firstly getting well again of course, and then taking on a new challenge as I have been doing a similiar job now for more than five years.

So back to the world of hospitals and being "plumbed in" to my chemo pump, the doctor just gave me the all clear for the start of the chemo so I will sign off now and talk to you all tomorrow.

Cheers on Burns Night, but short of a wee dram to celebrate

Gerry

So I will keep in touch as things progress

Two days of freedom

Well its two days until IVE chemo 2 is administered on Thursday and it feels like I have just about got over chemo 1, I feel a bit like that guy in the song "I get knocked down...but I get up again" and then get chemo 2 ! However I am feeling pretty positive about chemo 2 emotionally as I think I am unlikely to get the head inflammation problem again and the meds have all done their tricks so my infected line is now fine, IV antibiotics are finished (two days without hospital yippee!) tummy is OK, hair is still falling out in a patchwork pattern which will require the full razor later tonight as patchy stubble is not a good look. As Poppy said "Dad this is going to need some good hats".

Lee has lit a fire with her decision to put a team together for the monster challenge, the original squad of Jim, Lorna and Lee has been added to by my brother Kevin and my brother in law Johnathon from Ireland, not only that our good friend the builder Tim Kennedy walked into the Maggies center tonight to sign up himself and some mates to do the challenge as part of the team. He has been working on our house, and done a great job with his team, over the last months but he just got the blog address and has caught up with the story of the challenge. Lee was at the Maggie's center to hear more about the race and is very positive about the challenge and very pleased to see Tim there. It seems the challenge will take them about 20-24 hrs, I am jealous and would like to enter myself but our estimate is that I will only be four weeks out of the "bubble" of stem cell replacement so I will need to be content with being in the support team jeeps and perhaps walking a little with the team. The team plus associated friends and family will make for a good party in Inverness on the Sunday night, Lorna is looking into accommodation for the team so I guess we will need a headcount soon. Lee has already set off power walking last night as her first bit of training she is really motivated and determined by this challenge, I think part of that is that its something she can really do to help - even though she looks after me and the kids, and works, she sometimes feels frustrated that the things she can do to help directly are limited and really in the hands of the skills of the doctors and some luck.

Although the MG still languishes in the garage, I am not going near it until its warmer and my blood counts are higher as I should not risk scraped knuckles and associated infections ( and I have never done a job on that car without scraped knuckles). The Aston has had some good runs since its service Lee and I went in it to a country pub on Sunday as it was our wedding anniversary and she took it to work today to show the boys and to take them to lunch. Her team have been great, once it was clear how neutrophenic I would be they banned Lee from parasite work in case she carried an infectious disease home to me - in reality that meant that work which would be split three ways has fallen on her two team mates. As Steve is a fellow car nut ( in his case Citroen's ) a run out in the Aston was a good treat to say thanks. The car fits in the garage with an inch to spare on both sides so Lee still has me put it away on her return.

Yesterday I did too much, you feel fine and hence you just work away, in this case installing my new home cinema amp ( yes the one with the 200 page manual ) after I had been to hospital, done the grocery shopping, cooked a chicken in the pot, and picked up the speakers. The predictable outcome is that half way through running the cables I felt wobbly and had to sit (lay) down on the sofa before I fell down. Straight to bed for me with the stereo in bits on the living room floor, but I had managed to get it to play some music before I wobbled off to bed. I slept right through to noon today, and even then felt like I needed more sleep, but forced myself to get up to take my medicines and to eat to keep my stomach stable.

The rest of the day was spent with the rest of the assembly which is now complete (did manage to prepare some chicken stock for the freezer as well Jim) and I am sitting on the couch playing with switching from ipod to DVD to TV to turntable - yes I bought a turntable so we can now play our old vinyl records - Poppy came in and asked what the records were, why they were so big, how come we did not just buy Cd's when we were younger ect. She had never seen a turntable, ever, just shows how the world has changed since the early 80's when CD players became available.

I had a bit of a sobering experience when I was in the hospital, I met a patient who had been in the same ward as me, actually the guy who called the nurse when I collapsed on the way to the loo, and asked him how things were going. He told me he had been up to the transfusion unit but they had not been able to get enough stem cells from the procedure for a transplant.... He was waiting to see what the doctors were going to say about the next step and was off to Amsterdam with his partner for a few days holiday ( supposed to be pre-isolation but now just a break). Just goes to show that the stem cell thing is not a certain thing. Despite this I am lucky enough to have no spread of my cancer to the bone marrow and with Hodgkin's the success rate of generating stem cells in the blood is very good so fingers crossed.

So tomorrow will be a day of preparation for the hospital, packing my bag and the DVD's etc to keep me amused during the stay, I have a list of minor things to get done including making my now patented lamb stew, and plan to have plenty of sleep before I am off into the next adventure, one of the things is to get a card for the PC so I can blog from the hospital this next time and specially during the long six week isolation stay which should be in about 6-9 weeks time depending on stem cells, scans and the complications of the next chemos. At least the TV and sound system are working well so I can be entertained while I crash out !

Tonight I am allowing myself two glasses of red wine as I am at the peak of my blood counts today and it will be out of my system by thursday, so my ending salutation is for real for a change.

Cheers !

Gerry

The Monster Challenge

Deputy blogger reporting.

You may have heard us mention on previous blogs about the Maggies Cntre which is in the grounds of the hospital in Edinburgh and provides practical and emotional support to people with cancer and their families, friends and carers. Gerry and I have both used the centre several times and have found them to be really helpful and supportive and a great resource for information about the disease and all the emotional fallout and baggage that goes along with it.

The Maggies Centres are run as an independent charity and were inspired by Maggie Keswick Jenks who died from cancer in 1995. She trained as an architect and was married to architectural writer and historian Charles Jenks. Architecture is an important concept of the centres as they are a reaction to the institutional environment of the hospital. Maggie wanted to create buildings that would comfort and sooth people with the right balance of light, space and colour; a friendly and more domestic atmosphere where people can drop in for a cup of Tea and make use of the fantastic library, chat to staff and trained councellors and join into Tai Chi, meditation, Art and group therapy classes.

Maggie was born in Scotland in 1941 and her family traded in the Far East so she travelled between Dumfrieshire, Shanghai and HongKong which left her with a real love of China. Following her diagnosis with cancer she felt very strongly the need for a place that would concentrate on an individuals needs as a person and not just as a cancer patient. She worked together with her medical team here at the Western General Hospital in Edinburgh and friends and family to discuss the concept of such a centre and together they created the first Maggies centre in Edinburgh in 1996 a year after Maggie died. Since then there are now several centres in Scotland and the rest of the UK.

A quote from Maggie was: "Above all, what matters is not to lose the joy of living in the fear of dying".

Gerry and I have had a lot of support from the Maggies Centre here in Edinburgh and I was interested to give something back. Hence the title of this evenings Blog: The Monster Challenge!
This is a team fundraising challenge event to take place in the Highlands of Scotland on the 5-6th of May this year. The challenge is for the team to take part in a 24hour monster bike and hike which will take you from Fort William along the Great Glen and up the side of Loch Ness past the Monster and into Inverness. The first 30 miles are cross country on mountain bikes then the last 40 miles are hiking. The idea is to get sponsorship and fund raise for the Centre.

We already have some volunteers for the team which we have registered as "Gerry's Blog team" comprising, deputy blogger, Jim and Lorna. Ian has agreed to help with team training and sorting out the logistics of the support team to help us at checkpoints during the challenge. Ian has run the West Highland Way several times (yes all 96 miles of it!) so we are in the hands of a madman. Lorna is checking out some gorgeous hotels for team R&R and we are planning a big party in Inverness after the event to which all bloggers are invited of course.

So please let us know if any of you would like to join the team to take up the challenge, or to help in the support team or of course to help with fund raising and sponsor us to help raise money for maggies centres. We will keep you updated on team training and fundraising progress on the blog. For more info on this go to www.maggiescentres.org and look for the monster bike and hike.

Have a good weekend.

Lee (alias Deputy blogger)

PS: G has safely got the Aston back in his clutches after taking Ians advice and not giving into the ransom demands of the kidnappers!

Petrol pumps and plumbing fail... but holding warp 1

I am now exactly a week from the planned introduction of chemo 2 and thankfully my body is coming back together and coming apart in all the necessary ways. Firstly I am up to the hospital every day now for the morning as I have to have IV antibiotics to fight the infection around the wound of the Hickman line, good news it that this is working and the line feels much less sore that before (also night sweats and temperatures are coming back down). Today we could not get the lines to bleed despite my impersonation of John Travolta in the middle of the haematology ward to try and unblock it, this after coughing, jumping up and down or arm exercises failed to free the blockage.

The other patients found it quite funny specially as I was humming the tune at the same time, its good to laugh in that place as many of the patients are really in the final waiting room of life, being kept alive by daily blood transfusions and other treatments. Never the less the humour and consideration for others is a great example to me each day when I go in. The good news on the Hickman line front is that they were able to give me their equivalent of drain cleaner and after an hour the lines were back to flowing as normal so I avoided the need for a needle infusion (and got the line working again for the next chemo).

Well all that took from 10am until 1.30pm when I had expected just to be in for a half hour infusion so the rest of the day was a blur, I did get to a shop to pick up a new amp for the home cinema system, having doggedly stuck to my old Bose stereo for many years I finally caved in to 5.1 surround sound (Bose system will be rebuilt in the study). So the bits of the next which I am home and well will be spent trying to work out how to connect it with the DVD, TV etc, it has a 200 page manual so many cups of tea will be needed to work it out I think. A good boys toy!

As deputy blogger has reported I was let down for only the second time in five years (note deputy) by the MG last night. It was a dry night, the first for many weeks, and I wanted to run the MG so that the battery would charge and the oil get splashed around the engine. So I took it out to pick up Poppy on the other side of the city instead of relying on the Mondeo. Unfortunately it stopped in the middle of a busy junction and would not start again, so I had to push it off the road, with the help of a few bystanders, and get Lee to pick up Poppy. Just as this happened it started to snow! With no white blood cells I took the safe option of calling the recovery people. When Lee went to get Poppy I managed to determine that the spark was fine, petrol was topped up as a precaution but it still would not start, even jump leads from Lee's Jeep when she returned could not start it. My guess is that the fuel filter or the fuel pump had packed in - one of those jobs which has been on the list for a few months and not resolved (as the new souped up engine was running out of fuel at high revs on the dyno road I had planned to replace the pump and double up the fuel lines and filters). Anyhow discretion is the better part of valour so I waited in the warm jeep with Lee and the kids playing eye-spy until the recovery man arrived. He agreed with my analysis, after checking the things I had checked with better equipment, and, as the filter and fuel pump are under the car at the back we both concurred that towing it to my garage was the best option! So that's another project for a warm day or at least a day where I have left the heating on in the garage for a few hours and my blood counts are high enough to sustain cuts and scratches ( ie no time soon ). I may swallow my pride and get the guys in the garage across the road to look at it for me.

On the garage front the Aston is still there waiting on a special hose to come from the factory, I managed to avoid all the unnecessary jobs they tried to stick me for but one job was necessary as the lower cooling hose had nearly worn through rubbing on the fly belt. There was a mod to prevent this which should have been retrofitted to the car so we are pushing AM to say it was their dealers poor servicing which led to the need for the work. If I get away with that all I will have to pay for is the basic service - keep you posted on that one.

On the medical front I did visit with the folks who will get the transplant stem cells out of my blood, they took nine different blood samples in one session on Wednesday consuming all of the morning, thankfully the Hickman line was working well on that day. They showed me the machine which will take blood out of me, separate it with a kind of centrifuge, keep the stem cells and return the blood to me. Pretty much all the blood in your body ends up going through the machine over the four hour period, which is a scary thought, but they seem to know what they are doing. The doctor has done this with 16 Hodgkin's patients and all were successful in mobilising and collecting stem cells which is a very reassuring proportion !

The bad news is that I have to start self injecting growth factor, twice daily, for a week before the stem cells are extracted, this is planned for Monday and Tuesday 5th and 6th of Feb. Based on prior experience this will lead to a good deal of bone pain, so I will be the grumpy old man for that week, shifting in my seat and letting the odd groan out, even with the dihydrocodine I get to take to counteract it. So the next two milestones are fixed, chemo 2 on Thursday and stem cell collection on the 5th Feb. A few days later will be some crucial scans, we need to see substantial reduction in the disease as a result of the first two chemo for the rest of the treatment to have a chance of success, all fingers will be crossed at that point. If we can get a successful scan and successful stem cell mobilisation hooked up I will be half way to a good outcome and much more confident of success.

Other health issues have actually stabilised tummy problems are mostly gone, and the mouth ulcer is receding due to some drugs and some topical medicines I have been taking. I still tend to avoid hard or sharp foods but with milkshakes, stews, and careful eating I have managed to put back about half the weight I lost. I am now losing weight in a different way as I am molting hair all over the place and from all parts of my body. When I shower in the morning a steady stream flows down the plug and when I dry myself I end up with a near carpet on the floor ! So tonight once I finish the blog I am going for the number 1 marine style haircut (all over perhaps) which will be a relief as my hair hurts now if I tug it as I put on a hat. I have got a nice range of hats to wear from a fishing hat from Sioux Narrows to the Aston Martin hat my sister got me for my Christmas present.

If I can work out how to put photos on the blog I will try to post a few of my new baldy status for your amusement and to throw darts at.

Six days of reasonable health to look forward to before chemo 2, warp 1 is holding, the dilitum crystals are staying put, its not pretty but we are holding course and developing a bit of speed.

Cheers

Gerry

Give a man a Lithium Crystal.......

Captain blogger described his progress today as cruising into Warp factor 1 (steady as she goes), this will only make sense to Trekkies so if Mr Spock is not your bag please ignore!
The man with no neutrophils (alias captain blogger) spent an hour in a blizzard tonight outside the Vet School in Edinburgh waiting to be rescued by the RAC as the MG (rather sensibly) decided that it was not the sort of evening to be out and about and would rather be tucked up in a warm garage in Marchmont, so decided to stop permanently about a mile from our house. Poppy, Holly and I had to make several trips from the house to get petrol, jump leads.....general supplies and then to park the Jeep with the heater on and play eye spy for an hour before the RAC man came to rescue us. I did try to reason with the captain that a man with no neutrophils, an infected Hickman line and recovering from "industrial chemo" might be better off under the duvet with a hot toddie watching the third series of the Sopranos....but he refused to abandon the car to our inadequate attentions as we hadn't rebuilt the engine and didn't know where the battery was etc I think the captain quite enjoys when something goes wrong with the MG, which luckily for him is quite frequently, as he can spend a happy day or 2 in the garage tinkering, lots of spanners, swabs and oil and of course cups of Tea and meditation/contemplation. This knowledge did stand him in good stead this afternoon when negotiating the ransom at the Aston Martin garage to service the latest Mulligan acquisition. The Aston Martin people had found several very expensive problems with the car which seemed to amount to a drip of oil coming out of the sump, a slight fading of the upholstery on the drivers side, Maria Callas singing the final act of Tosca in the Sound system was slightly screechy and they had to remove a blond hair from the passenger seat. The captain thought their demands a little steep as he has taken apart and rebuilt MGs with his bare hands (as we know from the above he is on dodgy ground here but they don't know that!). So the Aston Martin people are holding the car to ransom...watch this space no doubt you will get an update on progress tommorrow.
On a completely different tack I would like to recommend the restorative value of a large glass of Bailleys Irish Cream and Barry White.

Deputy Blogger signing off.....steady as she goes......

A burst of energy

Over the last few days I have felt like one of those baby sea gulls I have seen on TV trying to learn to fly, they think they can do it so launch themselves off into the air (my equivalent of normal life) but then they glide into the ground, bounce and roll, and find themselves in front of the fox/seal who will eat them up. Its all been quite exhausting and I was ready for a break, thankfully today that break came, I had to get up to take the car to the Aston Martin garage for its service (as the warranty has only two weeks left to run it could cost me thousands of pounds not to get it serviced now). That went well and set me off in a good mood as Lee got a bit lost trying to find the garage so I had 30min to sit in the Vantage's, DB9's etc and talk cars with the guys there. There was even a DB7 GTA and a Zagato which are pretty rare plus some older cars ( trading at prices higher than mine, lets hope the trend up continues) I was pleased to find cars just like mine, age model and colour, at 8k more than I paid on the forecourt!

Once I got home I ate some soup (this on top of the weetabix and egg roll for breakfast washed down with fruit smoothie) as part of my campaign to get back to a weight reserve for the next chemo. After the soup a kip in the study was needed for about an hour but I woke feeling refreshed - the nights sleep had been disturbed by night sweats which are a classic Hodgkins symptom so three pairs of PJ's later I had not slept so well and had a pile of washing for the machine in what is now a daily ritual. These sweats leave me soaking and then eventually chilled as they are not caused by feeling hot just one of those weird side affects.

Once my kip was over my bound of energy continued so I pocketed my special hand cleaner and headed off to get a few bits at the shops. First stop was the HiFi shop to look at TV's for the study and to get a high definition cable for the downstairs TV, the new set top box promises great definition TV but the installer could not get it to work with the TV and I was in hospital. Much to my delight ( Go Dad !) the new cable did the business after only 30 min of pushing buttons and trying different things to get the TV and the box to talk to each other.

That done, and a bit pleased, I then set to with my tax return which is due in at the end of the month so needs to be done before the next chemo, amazingly I got it all done, I had put all the papers in the right place, and when I pushed "send" it went through first time ( I owe them 500 pounds, typical ! but not too bad). So car in, TV fixed and tax done, what a day. To cap it off I cooked a lamb stew from a shoulder of lamb, garlic, parsnips, carrots, onions and potato all bubbling in a big pot. Mashed up (so I could eat it with my ulcers) it went down a treat and the rest of the family had it as well. Great!

So today is the first day that I have felt, despite the wee sleep I had at tea time and the wee sleep this morning, pretty much OK, with some level of mental energy and focus returning - this is now nearly two weeks from when I was given the first of the chemo and more than a week since it stopped - that's quite a hangover compared to the previous experience !

So tomorrow I am off to the hospital for the normal maintenance of the Hickman line, which is still a bit sore, and some advice on the mouth ulcers. I will probably pop into the Aston garage as they seem to want to sort out every minor oil leak, if its covered by the warranty that's fine however at 100 pounds an hour if I am paying I can top up the oil occasionally. I took the precaution of checking the garage floor where the car sits and no significant leaks are visible so I will insist on seeing the problem before emptying my wallet in their direction.

The bad weather is still here and seems set to continue for the rest of the week, hopefully a discussion with the builder and the architect will lead to the resolution of the small outstanding details on the construction work when we meet up on Wednesday after I go to see the blood transfusion and separation people.

So a good day, energy is returning, and another bowl of lamb stew and some ice cream beckons.

Cheers

Gerry

Steady as she goes...

As the days pass now my blood counts will be hitting the low levels before slowly crawling up to the level needed for chemo 2. The good news is that things have stayed at a reasonable or manageable equilibrium over the last couple of days and with care and attention I should be in good shape for chemo 2. Symptoms include wobbly tummy (I will spare you the detail), mouth sores, sore gums, and night sweats (currently going through 2 pairs of PJ's a night as eventually I start to chill). The mouth issues are just annoying, I have mouthwash and other things to deal with this and I am not letting it stop me eating. This morning Lee noticed how thin I had got as I was getting changed, sadly not so much having a smaller tummy more just general loss of body mass as I have dropped from 13st 6lb to 12st 8lb in ten days, despite eating pretty well and good healthy food. So I am working away on the mouth stuff, eating as much as I can, and resting when I feel I need it, which is quite a lot.

On Friday I returned to my old haunt of the haemotology outpatients department, area 2. Kirsty and the team were all there, these are the nurses who administered the AVBD chemo the last time I was being treated, and they were genuinely disappointed to see me back. I am now a "veteran" in their terms, as most folks are cured of Hodgkins on the first pass, so it is unusual for them to see one of us back again. The reason for the visit was blood sample taking and maintenance of my Hickman line, both went smoothly and I was back home inside the hour without any problems. I will be back in again on Tuesday, then on Friday and then the following Tuesday, while on Wednesday I will visit the specalist blood transfusion team at a different hospital who will be responsible for getting my stem cells out later in the sequence after chemo 2 has been completed.

Normal life is also continuing along with many small projects to sort out electrical systems in the new bits of the house, sorting out of books and papers, putting up pictures on the newly painted walls etc. So far I have done hardly any of this type of stuff, as I have not been very well, sleeping and watching movies has been the majority of my time consumed. Hopefully this week I can start to make some progress in these other areas.

One thing is for sure is that the Aston Martin is going to make its first serious progress into emptying my wallet, its going into the garage for its service as part of the warrenty runs out on the 3rd of Feb and it is a year since it was fully serviced (I bought it with the existing warrenty from the last owner still with four months to run). I have an air bag light which is sticking on and these guys charge about £100 an hour just to look at the car, so I am bracing myself for the bill. Hopefully with the warrenty still operational any big stuff will be covered by that.

So sore mouth, sore bottom and sore wallet - a bit of pain all over, but in reality things are manageable and I can potter my way through to chemo 2, if this is the worst it gets, it will be no problem.

Best regards from a stormy scotland, beautiful Mozart clarinet in the background, chicken cooking for sunday dinner in the oven - all is good with the world here, I hope it is with you too.

Cheers

Gerry

A Better Day

Hi Folks,

Just a quick blog to say my fever broke last night, cramps stopped of their own accord and I drifted off into a fantastic deep sleep for about five hours, what a relief.

I woke up this morning feeling fine, even made a work call for 30min on a personnel issue that needed some historical input from me, and I am still feeling fine !!

Still taking it easy, getting lots of fluids, breakfasting on yogurt and fruit smoothie like a sensible chap before heading off to the hospital for the maintenance of my Hickman line - they have to bleed and declot it to ensure it stays clear, totally painless and a chance to read my book now my body is not rebelling. The weather is terrible so I have booked a taxi for the trip, that is indulgent but gets me door to door directly. If I drive or someone gives me a lift its actually a lot more fuss and parking and walking around so this is the way to go on a day where the rain is sideways.

Cheers for now, just wanted to pass on the good news

Part 2

Surprisingly the day passed on the same note as the blog this morning all systems are good (or good enough) and I even managed to fix the garage door which had been bent out of shape by the heavy storms which continue outside. So things seem to be on the mend from chemo 1 properly now (which is just as well as my counts will be hitting peak bottom levels around today so this is my most infection prone stage, they should climb pretty well up through next week ready for chemo 2 on the 25th. So alls well here and lots of pottering around to be done.

Have a nice weekend

Regards

Gerry

Rough Ride

Getting home has been great just having the smells and sounds of the house around me like a coocon gives me lots of strength. The good fresh food (mostly soups, smoothies and stews) all give me the best chance ever and holly has taken to giving me little hugs in passing to cheer me up.

However things are still pretty tough as the IVE chemo is living up to its reputation as one of the tougher regiums. My gut problems progressed into painful cramps and other issues which eventually had me back in hospital the day after my release for examinations, although some medicines are available to take the edge off the cramps I am awaiting the culture results before they can determine which bug is causing the tummy problems. With half the city currently dealing with flu or gut rot the lab is a bit busy. In the meantime I have managed about 10 or 15 min at a time out of bed or toilet all not to be recommended.

At the same time the depth of the chemo fatigue on this one is really something its like double china jet lag after a long day working and two beers, that point were your head has already fallen off your "prop" hand twice and just missed your soup while someone important is still talking to you. Anyway suffice to say I pause in sentances and just sometimes lie down because I just have to right away, just at that minute. Which is quite funny from the outside apparently Lee and the kids are having fun with me shambling down like a yeti in my dressing gown, slurping my soup or lamb stew (food is great) then the tummy cramps set in and I groan off to my lair upstairs to sleep. I least I can ossiclate between the day bed in the study and my real bed for variety.

Anyway this has taken four attempts to write so I am going to let myself off here, ironically Jamariqui are singing "feels good, feels so good" in the background ! Mum has finally learnt to email today so she may even make it to the blog at some point, a good step forward though so I sent her a picture of poppy and holly as the next challenge. Off into my cave, hospital visit tomorrow to have the line cleaned and bloods taken I let you know if they have a way round the gut rot. Otherwise time for bed at 7pm (having got up at 6pm)

Cheers

Gerry

Made it home

No big blog tonight, just made it home, thankfully - nice tea good company and lots of hugs from Holly, seems like thats the first part of chemo 1 over I just need to keep well till chemo 2 now.

Condition is good apart from fatigue, general wobbly feeling and some specific gut rot which is normal for Chemo, temp is good well in the green range.

Good night

Gerry

Gerry in the sky with diamonds

Deputy blogger has done a great job keeping you up to date over the course of the last few days, I think she does a better job than me with her “good housekeeping” style of poems, recipies and stories. She saved my ass yesterday, when she arrived, I had completely lost the plot and did not know which way was up, she took one look at me and rallied the doctors to a higher pitch of urgency, essentially acting as a advocate for me, as I could not really speak - foolishly I was trying to “tough out” a headache which turned out to be inflammation of membrane around my brain - by the time I worked this out I could not speak or move coherently and my head felt like it was on fire. My temperature was 38.7oC and I felt just terrible. Yes I was an idiot next time they ask me if head is really sore I will say yes.

Once they got the heavy duty pain relief into me the world adjusted itself into up and down again so we spend the rest of the night oscillating different pain killers to manage the headache without going over the limit for any one drug. The night team were great but I was basically stoned out of my head for most of it - which to be honest was fine by me because when they wore off the headache came back and I would be eating the mattress again. I made myself eat breakfast and had a long chat with the doctors then suddenly a massive wave of fatigue set in and I crashed out for four hours. When I woke up I felt human again, my head was just a bit tender and I felt really hungry, temp is down and I seem to be on the mend - what a relief !

I did have some very interesting spaced out moments over the evening, at one point I felt I was floating in a warm glow at another things seemed to merge together visually into flowing patterns, all very nice after the anguish of the afternoon.

So now I am looking forward to getting home, eating good wholesome food, Hollys chicken sounds wonderful, sleeping in my own bed and hugging (carefully) the girls. It will be nice to wake up to the light from the city filtering through the curtains rather than the glow of instruments and pumps with the background noises of a busy high care ward.

Chemo pyrexia

blog understudy reporting again.

G has had another rough day and his temperature is up a bit high so they are checking him out for potential infections and have prescribed what the doctor called a domestos antibiotic (should kill 99.9% of all known bugs). The other explanation is a reaction to one of the cocktail of chemo drugs and they call it Chemo pyrexia (fever). They will keep him in hospital until they have got the temperature under control and are happy about his progress. He had a really severe headache today and they have prescribed some painkillers so I hope this will help him get some sleep.

As G was a bit out of it, I took responsibility for ordering his food for the next couple of days (I could be in trouble if he starts feeling better tommorrow). Hospital food hasn't improved much from what I could read and they still serve jelly, tapioca and sausage cassarole- no wonder people dont feel well in hospital. I think Jamie Oliver needs to get involved following his success with school dinners. We are not allowed to bring him in food in case we pass on any infections which is a pity as Holly (the cooker) had made a wonderful supper as follows:

Poule au Pot

I free range chicken
8 peeled shallots
8 carrots roughly chopped
2 leeks roughly chopped
1 neep chopped into 8-10 chunks
4 sticks of celery
10 cloves of garlic
3 litres of stock
salt and pepper and herbs to season (thyme, bay leaves and tarragon)

Place chicken in large pot add stock and bring gently to the boil. Add all the vegetables and simmer gently for about an hour. Turn off the heat and leave for another 30mins. Serve in large bowls with french bread and a decent glass of chilled white burgundy or ribena.

We hope G will get to come home soon and we can help him get his spirits and energy up again. He really enjoys getting messages from people so thank you all so much for sending texts etc. He has not been well enough to respond over the last few days and we hope he may improve a bit tommorrow as the chemo treatment is over and they are now treating him for the side effects. My sister Dot (cancer nursing specialist) was quite reassuring tonight as she has said this is quite a common reaction for patients undergoing this treatment as it is very severe. I hope he may be able to sleep a lot of this off and that he will feel somewhat better tommorrow.

I'm off now to chase the children into baths and get hair washed, nails scrubbed, pencils sharpened as it is first day back at school/work tommorrow...and alarm clocks set!

Good night.

Lee

The Dark Arts

Blog Understudy from Lee

G has had a bad day today and has not been well enough to write his blog so I promised to substitute for him tonight! The chemo is beginning to kick in and G is having a rough time but he is dealing with it really well. I am finding all this quite difficult to handle as just a few days ago we were dancing on the roof on Hogmany, embarrassing the kids by singing bat out of hell with some friends and the obligitory hairbrush microphones.....then I let him walk into a hospital ward and let him get hooked up to the poison bags and watch as the poison bags drip into him....this can't be right. I had this idea when we were up in Glencoe just to keep driving and run away somewhere and hide him on a remote Scottish Island and keep all these doctors very much at bay. While they are clearly experts in the Dark Arts of poisoning you would think they would have also suggested some serious drugs to help you through all this or better still let you go to sleep for a couple of weeks while the chemo does its thing....I'm going to ask the doctor about this tommorrow.

We hope G can come home tommorow as he gets his last chemo tonight. The girls and I have scrubbed and hoovered and cleaned the house ready for him to come home. We have even vacuumed the cats. Holly has helped me make some chicken soup for him and Poppy made a lovely picture.

It is after midnight now and I feel a bit shattered. I just want to get him out of that hospital and back home. I came home today and just lay down in the hall like a star fish and had a large glass of malt whisky. I read this:

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference

Robert Frost

Surprisingly well: Getting to know Tony!

Well the good news is that this first of the preparatory IVE Chemos is going reasonably smoothly. I have a bit of a runney nose, slightly wobbly stomach and feeling drained but otherwise my focus is clear and emotional state is actually very good. Poppy and Holly visited yesterday and that went quite well, I got dressed in my normal clothes and traniners so that I would seem as normal as possible, showed them round the ward, my bed and the Hickman line. On the way home Lee told me they thought I looked better than during my last chemo, which is good and I think they can feel connected and yet confident based on this visit. We were very careful to use sterilising wipes on hands etc and make sure they did not touch anything or cough all of which went well.

After they left I started to watch the first ever episode of the US mafia series “the Sopranos” it is excellent and I have hours of it to go so I am well set for entertainment, its hard not to like Tony Soprano as my friend Nick told me. His reluctant, thoughtful yet brutal thug is a great character very well played - I even recommended it to my mum after four episodes.

My friend Kamil next door and I have been swapping computer games, he has been through stem cell treatment and is going home today after a short stay for a high temperature which they dealt will easily. I have never been a gamer, Holly is better than me already and is working on Shreck 2 at the moment, but I wanted to learn one game when I was sick as a way to absorb time so I bought an old classic “Call of Duty” lets see how I get on, He is very pleased to be getting out of hospital, I think once you have done the long haul of stem cell treatment you do not want to spend another night in the place, however for me its been great to meet him and be encouraged that the treatment is tough but manageable and folks are OK after it very often.

Its kind of selfish but being here I see many folks who are in very, very serious conditions frail and elderly and not able to look after themselves in many ways and it makes me feel I can use my relative youth and strength to get on the right side of the odds. Its also amazing to see the humour and dignity with which people approach and deal with death, and the mixture of humour, tenderness and pragmatic approach of the staff to help people keep their dignity in difficult times.

So all is going well as can be expected over here two days in, the low point should be next weekend when my immune system will be shot and fatigue will set in - however this first reaction to the chemo is a good indicator of future experiences with this preliminary chemo and so gives me confidence. The stem cell chemo is a whole other ball game mind you but we can cross that bridge in March. So far so good.

Cheers

Gerry

PS - Chemo 1, crash 1 Just as you think its going well then the first chemo crash hits, I wrote the note above around noon but by one I just lost all energy, various biological functions went a bit haywire and eventually I had to lie down on the bed just to wake up three hours later according to the clock, disoriented and wobbly. Now an hour later things have stabilised, up is once again up, down has returned reassuringly to being down. Not unexpected and not too severe but the body will react when you pump it full of poisons for a few days after all !

Me and my shadow

Since yesterday I have been attached to my friend the chemo delivery pole, it goes everywhere with me for the next four days as it continues to pump the chemicals and associated medicines into my system, while it plugs into the wall it also has batteries so I can go to the loo and walk about if I am feeling able. The good news is that the combination of steroids, anti emetics and other protective drugs has left me feeling pretty much OK at least so far on this chemo, this steroid high will only last so long as I found out the last time so there will be a “crash phase” to follow but its comforting to know the docs got the compensating medicines right first time round. The Hickman line is my new friend it is so easy to use in comparison to needles, another four blood samples this morning done while I was half asleep, bliss in compared to trying to keep needles in place and the pain of their insertion.

Other than having to get up every few hours to pee in a container all is going well so far, they are measuring my urine output and fluid input to check for damage to the kidneys and bladder, input/output balance is looking good and there is no blood in the urine which is a good sign so I will have to keep drinking as much as possible and hope that keeps the flow dilute and avoids kidney damage. So far the doctors are pretty pleased with things which is good and encouraging.

Lee came in yesterday after I had written the blog and it was really nice to see her after the difficult night I had before had left me feeling a bit lonely and “medicalised” by that I mean you can feel like a subject with all the poking and prodding, chemicals and tests. Seeing lee, and she brought some sweet letters for me from the kids, cheered me up a lot. Her flu seems to have passed and my temperature has remained steady so I think we are over that challenge.

The folks around me in the hospital are as always a mixture of humbling and inspiring, some elderly gentlemen are clearly in a bad way with lymphoma metastases into the bone marrow or anaemic to the point of having very little blood in their fluids. Never the less both these guys (Bill and David) are cheerful and encouraging me along as I do to them, David struggles to use the nurse call button so I have become his alarm he calls over “son” to me, and I call the nurse for him, its nice to be called “son” but he is 85 with 14 grandchildren so I guess it works. On the other hand beside me is Emile who is originally from Poland, he had been through and survived successfully the treatment I am about to get, in his case for leukaemia, he looks well but got a virus which put his temperature up so came in for treatment, temp is down now so he looks to be going home tomorrow. This just goes to show the treatment can work well but I will need to be careful for about six months after I escape from formal treatment.

It was a stormy night last night and as I fell asleep I felt strongly, or imagined, the presence of the dead, my dad, my grandparents and others in a warm and supportive way.. This is odd as I am not actively religious, if anything I would tend a bit towards Buddhist in my beliefs, so in reality I think this was a sign of me really becoming comfortable with the treatment and accepting it emotionally as the best path as opposed to fearing it and wanting it to go away, which was a large part of my feelings as we drove up through Glencoe. I certainly feel very strong and happy this morning in complete contrast to yesterday so I think I have made the transition into this being my life for the next 6 to 12 months. Never the less I have started a list of good things to do once I am recovered to keep the positive planning going and I have an army of good luck charms with me from rosary beads (mum), St Christopher’s medal (dad) Jade Buddha (me) and good luck frog (poppy) they are all looking out for me!

As I am able to use my phone in the ward I have been able to keep in touch with home and also family in Ireland, while texting to friends which has been a real unexpected benefit. Getting on line in the hospital with a vodaphone card will be the next step and bring the blog up to real time - at the moment lee takes the file home on a memory stick and loads it up for me (I think, perhaps she has editorial control as well). The challenges for today will be what to do about this blood issue, get some walking up and down the ward in while I still feel able (the chemo is cumulative and the steroids will wear off). Hopefully later in the day I will have a short visit with the kids in the little visitors room, it will be great to see them and introduce them to my Hickman line and chemo pole, though they did visit the day chemo before and so it will not be a surprise for them. We are trying to strike the right balance between involvement and education and not worrying them too much and so far that has gone well.

Off now for my morning walk round the ward with my pole, pleased to be able to do that, even if I know things will get worse this is a pretty promising start, lets just hope my cancer is not as robust to chemo as I am !

Cheers

Gerry

This will nip a bit!!!!!!

I have become used to bracing myself when a doctor with a big needle or a scalpel says “this will nip a bit”, so it was today when I was taken to the theatre for the Hickman line insertion. It did not hurt too much when they had the local anascetic on the skin but its funny to have a guys fingers inside your chest cutting a small hole in the main vein to you heart. All the pushing and prodding makes me feel like a lump of (awake) meat on the table, but the nursing staff keep up a nice chat taking my mind off the procedure, and my breathing exercises help a lot to calm me down when the inevitable snags and fiddling around happen. So now I am the proud owner of a Hickman line, direct channel to my heart, I did check that it has valves as I was a bit worried about the speed with which the blood can come out, if it started leaking in the night I think you would be in big trouble! Just after I came back the nurse took four blood samples just by clipping the syringes on to the end of the line which was brilliant compared to the problems I had last time with needles. In reality these chemo agents are so powerful that they need the dilution of the line to prevent localised damage to the blood vessels.

So in a few hours the chemo will be applied so I am trying to relax and catch up on the sleep I did not get last night, all the alarms, lights and movement made it difficult to sleep, not to mention the apprehension of the events of today - so I feel just like I do when we travel back from the USA in coach when it is full on a Friday night. Once I thought of that I felt better, as I know how to cope with that fatigue and still keep going when I get home so I used the same strategy - eat a good breakfast, took a shower, and some exercise and I was feeling a bit human again.

I have taken the home laptop into the hospital but have been unable to connect to the four wireless networks I have found so far so I may splash out on a vodaphone broadband card now that I know I can use the blackberry for work mails and phone calls and reimburse the company for the use. That means all my friends do not need a new number to send me texts and I can call out - this is a ward which allows phone use which is a great thing to help with the feeling of being alone and isolated.

Good news on the outside is that Lee has got over her flu and is feeling much better, our precautions appear to have prevented me catching it, I should have really got a flu jab earlier in the year but we cannot think of everything. Never the less we are still being really careful and wiping down anything she brings in with antiseptic wipes keeping hands clean and sitting a few feet apart to minimise any residual danger to me or other patients.

So that’s enough for today, I need to get my head ready for chemo 1, day 1, of four fingers crossed for a smoothish ride. If its just like a bad flu I will think of myself as being ahead.

Cheers
Gerry

Into the Vortex

30 minutes left before the taxi comes to take me into hospital for the first chemo and I am a bundle of nervous apprehension.

There have been no blogs over the holidays because I took the conscious decision to try to be as normal as possible, have a nice Christmas and then dive into the treatment. We were very successful at that, lots of things got sorted out around the house, movies were watched like the Simpson's all lined up on the couch (including the cats), fat cakes of various sorts and many bottles of bubble or normal wine were consumed. As the doctor pointed out that wine was trivial in comparison to the poisons I am going to get next week I felt being good was a waste of time.

After a nice quiet Christmas with just the family we had a more party oriented New Year. The day before new year Lee and I took the Aston up Glencoe and stayed in a very nice country house hotel in the highlands which has a fantastic restaurant and is a great one day romantic treat. Thankfully I only scared Lee a couple of times when overtaking 3 or 4 cars at a time on the straight bits, but with long sweeping curves, rivers or lakes on one side and mountains on the other side I couldn't sit behind a skoda for long!

On our return we picked up the kids from Jim and Sarah's and organised an impromptu part on New Years Eve with another friend Ken. During the evening after the first few bottles of bubbly had been consumed and the kids had settled down watching a DVD the adults discovered itunes on the computer and quickly dancing and fake microphones were in broad use. An excellent party in the new study on the roof allowed us to see what was left of the fireworks (the main party being cancelled because of the gales which were strong that night - I had to rescue our big 12ft diameter trampoline from the roof of the garage at the end of the night.

So today has been spend packing my bag for the hospital, a suitable assortment of books, DVDs and computers has been tucked in to the bag as the chemo itself will not start until Thursday but preparations such as implanting the Hickman line will start tonight and carry on through tomorrow. Although I have had some time to prepare there are still a lot of things that I would like to have sorted out for Lee before going in for the treatment, in our more practical moments I have been showing her how to assemble bookcases, put up pictures, change light bulbs in what we call "Lee the apprentice" moments. We have also had to have the "what if" conversations, usually that drives us to open a bottle of wine, about money and the other things so that I do not have to fret about that if the going gets tough.

Today I did all the sensible packing stuff and then went out for a sill roof down high speed burn in the Aston down the twisty country roads south of Edinburgh that I know so well, it is safely tucked up in the garage (the MG had its go yesterday). I have explained the treatment to the kids, played Shreck on the computer with Holly, and got Lee chicken soup as she has picked up the flu so we unfortunately have had to be in some isolation from each other for the last day, I least I got to find out that my "chemo den" is comfortable before I move in on the return from hospital.

A few days ago I put the "gone away" message on the work email which has been the final cutting off of my non social ties to work - folk can still get in touch that way or through mulliganhome@blueyonder.co.uk or by text on my mobile number if you have it already.

So 10 min to go, hugs and kisses needed for Lee and the kids we will try to keep you all posted on the blog every few days, wish me luck in which every way works for you.

Tally ho.....

Gerry